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Stepmom question...How do you get her to be an adult when her father wants to keep her a baby?

To begin, I love my stepdaughter as much as my bio kids.She is 19 and living with me and her father, so she can go to colledge.And I want to help her.But I also want her to become and adult who can be independent and have a happy life.Her father does all he can to keep her dependent, and well.... babyfied.I want him to be a good dad and he is.but he puts no responsibilities on her and she lives with us cost free.We even pay her car insurance, bought her a used car...ect...I think he likes her being needy.But that will not help her in the long run.That sets her up for failure in many ways.what do you do when you have different parenting ideas.I have been in the picture since she was 4(15 years).

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evelynwest

Asked by evelynwest at 1:18 PM on Jul. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,667 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • I'm a stepmom of a 19 yr old girl. All I know is that I have a lot of opinions and ideas but at the end of the day, she is HIS child. I am merely the stepmom. I think your situation depends on your 19 yr old. Does she attend school full time? Does she work? Does she help around the house? Does she pay to put gas in the car? Does she help pay for school (or have loans)? There are lots of variables involved, as you know. At the very least she should do chores around the house to help.

    The best advice I can give is to make sure you and your DH are on the same page in terms of your expectations of your stepdaughter. That will help immensely. You and DH may not agree on everything but you can agree to disagree on some stuff & still be on the same page.
    Niffy423

    Answer by Niffy423 at 1:42 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • I have a 25 yr old sd and she always is ungrateful because her dad gives her what she wants. When he married me he gave her the house and moved into mine. She got a bf and they trashed it beyond hope and moved out because the pipes burst due to not keeping the house heated. when she is homeless she calls crying to her dad she needs money for a hotel so what does he do? pays for it for a month and then that short changes our budget and we go without. we never hear from her unless she needs something. Her dad never taught her how to be grateful just taught her he is always there to give and give no matter what or how it affects others
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 2:55 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • she was almost 19 when she was given that house...and she was given a car buy her dad and then when that went to heck her mom gave her one. kids who are given big things never learn to grow up
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 2:56 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

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