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Any other stay at home moms feel like this about their significant others?

My boyfriend of 7 years and father to my 2 children is a extremly hard worker and has always been the bread winner in the family. Our son who is 11 months is undergoing lots and i mean lots of appts for some developmental issues going on and i am the only one who deals with it all. I know he works all day and thats the reason we have a house/food/clothes, etc, but I just feel really overwhelmed and wish he would take on some of the emotional stress that i have. It is very hard to stay focused and keep a smile on my face with 5 appts/weekly and 4 speciality appts lined up for the month plus his pediactrican who sees him monthly. I dedicate all of my free time for research and to help the waiting game for answers for our son. My boyfriend isnt good at remembering things or multitasking, he never remembers our appts or times and i am constantly reminding him. I really feel bad taking my frustration out and cause disagreements almost daily, but no one understands what we are going through and i feel he should be the one to not only support me but take me out of my funk when he sees i am stressed and overwhelmed. Am i the only one to acts like this towards my partner? Is this normal? and tips or comments are welcomed..


Asked by mikailas_mom at 2:47 PM on Jul. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Level 9 (326 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Well, you definitely seem to both be doing your jobs BUT,..with the added stressor of the issues with your son....I think your Hubby needs to try harder in that dept as well. This is not just a YOU thing. It's a WE thing. Your sons problems belong to both of you and it's time to have to kick in a little extra (or alot) on both your parts, which, you seem to be doing the brunt with appts and research and worrying. Maybe if he would just show that he WANTS to be more involved in it by even remembering your appts etc would help you feel like you are not in it all alone. We all have our duties but when a crisis's takes more from both partners (not just food,shelter,clothing). I think he should dig a little deeper like you do. I would probably feel leaned on a little too much for everything like you are right now. A support group is not a bad idea either if you can't get it from DH. JMO.

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 3:57 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • I can only speak for myself.

    When my son was growing up I rarely felt that way.. Up until our son was 10, we both worked full time. So, we both would always make time for appointments/school events..etc. We both always felt that it was both of our "duty" or responsibility (however one chooses to view it) to be there/do things with our son. When my son was 10 I left my job and became a SAHM. Even then, my husband would still volunteer to leave work to be there for things. When he wasn't able to for a few years due to a promotion he had received, I never felt too overwhelmed or stressed. The rare times that I started to feel overwhelmed or over burdened or over stressed due to handling things with our son (and his life), home, etc.. I always reminded myself, that yes these things were stressful, however the stress of being the sole financial support of a family and all that rides on that is also extremely stressful.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:01 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • I have been a stay at home mom for the better part of the last 20 years. Hubby and I feel that it is his job to provide for us and the house and kids are my job. Make no mistake, staying at home, taking care of a house and kids is a full time job, but one well worth the effort. I was fortunate to have children who rarely have to see the dr. so I can only imagine how overwhelming it must feel to have daily appointments. You know you are doing the best thing by your children, hubby knows it too. Maybe he could request 1 day off and go to one of these appointments with you so he can see what they are like. Hang in there things will get better as time goes by.

    Answer by kustomkrochet at 3:00 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • I get overwhelmed sometimes too. But then I think about how tired and overworked he is and I feel guilty that I get upset with him. He is a good man and I love him to death. My days are nothing compared to his.

    Answer by HappyMomma2832 at 3:07 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • My dh and I each have things we do well and luckily those things make it possible for our household to run smoothly. Go easy on him, he has stressors that he may not be expressing for fear of overwhelming you. Try to seek love and solace in his company but don't expect him to make you happy or less anxious. That's your job.

    Answer by BluDog at 3:12 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • make him a calendar to keep w. him at work, so he too knows which days are which, no telling what he is dealing w/ daily that stresses him that you don't know about, kwim... let it be night when the kids are in bed that you both unwind and confide in each other. And de-stress, relax and let it go for the day. Both of you have full time stressful jobs- his is outside the home, yours is inside the home. Let him come home and complain about his day to you, then you do the same back to him about your day then forget about it and enjoy the evening. Maybe if he can take off a day here or there and just go with you, thats what sick days are for and maybe then you can pull an extra chore at home, that he usually does- so he can kick back one evening... a family is give and take and always gonna be stressful, but it is being strong together as ONE that makes nothing unbearable. :) Hope you hear good news w/ your son.

    Answer by 2teens2LOs at 3:39 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • I think men in general aren't as considerate or sympathetic as we are, so, your dh probably doesn't even think that he could be doing more to support you. I would get a pocket calendar for him and put all of your son's appointments on it and ask him if he can take at least one of them off to go with you. I would also explain to him, when you aren't feeling angry, what it is you need from him. Usually if presented in the right way, men are way more open to listening and really hearing what we are saying. It is perfectly normal for you to feel like you do sometimes. Just hang tough, God will not put on you more than you can handle.

    Answer by Kelly502 at 4:20 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • I don't know your situation very well...but here's a thought.......At the beginning of each week sit down and talk to him about the week, and together you take his phone and enter all of your appts into his phone like reminders so that he will know when they are and if he has a lunch hour or something he can go with you then great, and if not then mayb after the appt he can call or text you to see how it went..:S Idk what to say for sure just a thought momma! GOOD LUCK....Oh and if you're worried about him understanding what the doctors are saying, then ask the doctor if you can record your appt on a tape player for your SO.....

    Answer by 3angels23 at 5:45 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • I get stressed and overwhelmed too, but look at it this way, I am sure he is overwhelmed with what is going on as well, and worried about it to. Not to mention he has different kinds of stressors at his job, and its not easy or stress free to provide for a family. I would stop trying to get him to be your support for this. Maybe look for a support group of moms that is going through something similar to what you are going through. I cant imagine doing what you are doing, it sounds like you are amaizing and Im sure your boyfriend thinks that too, instead of getting on him about it just be sweet with him and use him as a stress reliever, and a way to get out of your situation, a break from all the bad instead of fighting and adding more stress to your life. Good luck, you sound like an amaizing woman, stop letting the stress of life get in between you and your SO though, and it wouldnt hurt to do something nice for yourself

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 2:58 PM on Jul. 11, 2011