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How did your marriage change after having your first baby?

We are seriously going through some hard times....it is like all of our bad characteristics are being amplified. I am now a SAHM. Stresses obviously have tripled with the change of a baby and one less income. I just wonder how many other moms this has happened to.

It is like everything my husband does now gets on my nerves- I don't feel like he understands that staying home with a baby IS work (not to mention a 24 hr. job) and I just can't seem to give him enough praise for working to support us....which he never needed before. It is not like he is working any harder now than he was before the baby....he just has to share it with both of us. We have trouble communicating about anything or agreeing on anything other than how adorable our 12 mo. old is. It is like talking about anything (for him) is just more stress....so nothing gets discussed or solutions offered. And it is like we throw around divorce all the time now! I know we are just going through a tough spot....but......

We need help being a team instead of picking out each others faults....I just don't know how to start. I am drained!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:51 PM on Jul. 11, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (6)
  • Sorry we didn't go through anything like that. Perhaps marriage counseling might help you.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 3:56 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • yup! with me and my husband but i got him to sit down with me talk to me about everything ya'll are just over stressed but it WILL get better if ya work at it!!!! <3
    raeyliNlilysmom

    Answer by raeyliNlilysmom at 4:01 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • You two need to both get over yourselves and start having a date night. You need to understand that while your hubby may not be working harder phyically, he is emotionally because he has to support 3 of you know. That is stressfull for a man. HE needs to realize that raising a baby isn't a cake walk and it's work, and you don't get a day off. You both need to start making your marriage a priority. This is common, alot of marriages go through this. But speaking from experience, couples seem to focus on themselves only, instead of what the other might be feeling. The first year is the roughest. But if you two don't start taking care of eachother, then your marriage is doomed. Oh and FYI..NEVER throw the D word around. Thats just wrong. Hub and I went through it, although our circumstances were much more difficult as our first born was born with Cancer. But we will be married 20 years in Nov. we are eachothers world
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 4:59 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • I totally agree Zakysmommy....and totally recognize that we are doing this. Just don't know how to turn it around. I have tried, but feel like I am the only one sometimes....and he is the one to throw out separation or divorce every time we argue it feels like. It is a big deal to me....apparently not to him (using the term which he doesn't seem to be very serious about). I really hope to get back on track. We went to therapy a few times and need to get back because it did seem to help us talk.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:11 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • me and my honey are going throught that exact thing right now and i think that it is just a pahse i hope it is i know we are both under alot more stress reguaRDING OUR RESPONSIBILITES ALSO ITS SO HARD TO HAVE THE TIME THAT YOU HAD BEFORE FOR EACH OTHER AND JUST ALONE TIME IN GENERAL I THINK ITS VERY IMORTANT TO HAVE TIME FOR YOURSELF AND TIME FOR YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE OUTESIDE OF THE CHILDREN OTHERWISE THEY CAN DROWN YOU AND MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOUVE LOST CONTROL
    MommylovsdawsoN

    Answer by MommylovsdawsoN at 12:52 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • kind of in the same spot :( but not throwing around divorce. Idk what it is but it is extremely stressfull and you can feel the tension
    B00boo

    Answer by B00boo at 8:09 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

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