Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

My 20 year olds father "resurfaced" after being absent for 17 years... how should we handle this?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:26 PM on Jul. 11, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (19)
  • Wow............that I suppose would depend on the previous circumstances. Good luck mama!
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 4:27 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • Tell him no thank you.
    sta517

    Answer by sta517 at 4:27 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • Well your son is an adult. Let him handle it how he wants.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:28 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • Very carefully, follow the 20 year old desires...and take it from there.
    older

    Answer by older at 4:29 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • You support your 20 yr old with his/her decision on how to handle it.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 4:30 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • i would have NOTHING to say to the father, i would let my adult child know it is up to them whether he/she wants to communicate with their father or not- but i would have no part of it. the dead beat dad would be non-existent to me.
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 4:30 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • ..its solely the 20 year old's decision.
    eatapeach

    Answer by eatapeach at 4:31 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • Tell him where's my back pay child support haha.No, seriously... I would discuss it with your adult child and see how he or she feels.
    geminisummerz

    Answer by geminisummerz at 4:32 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • It depends on whether the resurfaced father is a person your son should be associating with or not, and also if your son wants to associate with him. At 20, it would be your son's decision, but if your son's decision is to not see the resurfaced father he can ask an attorney how to go about getting a protective order if the father won't back off.

    My ex resurfaced after 12 years when my daughter was 14. His parental rights had been terminated 11 years earlier, so after consulting with an attorney and discussing it with my daughter we informed him that he had no parental rights and could not have visitation. We told him that SHE could decide if she wanted to look him up when she was 18, and we would help her do that if it was what she wanted.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:33 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • I agree with everyone else - the 20 year old should be allowed to make up his own mind on what he's going to do, and you just have to respect that. But it also goes the other way. You get to decide for yourself if you want to have any relationship or contact at all with this man, and your kid has to respect that as well.
    Sebbiemama

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 4:59 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN