Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Bad example or good one?

When my dh gets home from work, I always get him something to eat, something to drink, whatever he needs. He's come to expect it. He will tell me if he needs something else. Well I noticed my three year old has picked up on it... When my dh says he's thirsty, my son says, "Mommy, he needs a drink." Even he expects me to get it for my dh.

I'm not sure if this sets a good or bad example for my kids. In one sense, I think it sets a good example, that my dh works hard and I care for him so I do things for him. In the other sense, I feel like maybe I'm setting a bad example that it's the woman's job.



Asked by Anonymous at 8:50 PM on Jul. 11, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I don't think it's bad as long as your son can see that your dh does things for you too. dh can point it out a little if necessary, like telling your son "wanna help daddy _____ for mommy? moms and dads do nice things for each other to show their love". You just don't want your son to grow up expecting women to do things for him. If he comes to understand that we do things for each other out of love, then he will see your relationship with your dh in a positive way, and will see you in a supportive role, rather than a subordinate role.

    I can relate. i do a lot for my family. my dh calls me a natural caregiver, he says it's ingrained in my head, and he has to remind me to let others do for themselves too. But i have seen my own son do nice things for me, unexpected, that makes me feel good about the roles we are teaching him.

    Answer by boobarandbell at 9:19 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • For me, it would be bad. Personally I don't think it's ever good to get a man used to certain things because it makes the line between wife and servant very thin...but that's just my opinion.

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 9:04 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • It depends. Some people think that's okay and some don't, it's a choice you have to make for yourself honestly. Some women believe it's their role to take care of their husband and they do it out of love. Some women do it because they feel they don't have a choice and grow resentful. While others don't at all or when it's a special day. If it worries you or makes you feel bad then definitely rethink how things are going! Have you tried to talk to your husband about it? He may not realize that it's happening because it's become a sort of habit.

    Answer by MommyofTwo331 at 9:12 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • It doesn't bother me at all. I stay home all day and he works 12 hours a day. So honestly, I feel fine with doing things for him when he gets home and is exhausted. I just wonder the effect it will have on my kids when they are older.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:16 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • What if you emphasize the point that you stay at home and he works? If your husband is appreciative and that sort of thing then they won't see it as demeaning- just a way that Mom takes care of Dad.

    Answer by MommyofTwo331 at 9:39 PM on Jul. 11, 2011

  • It depends on the situation and what you are comfortable with doing. As long as your husband doesn't demand you wait on him and does the same for you when you need it, it's a good example; you're showing your son that you help each other. Since your son is very observant and has picked up on this, I'd say explain to him that you don't mind, but it's not only for a girl or woman to do. I'd be encouraging and showing him that it works both ways. Explain this to your husband first, and ask him to help you reinforce this by taking turns or not expecting rather than asking you to accomodate his, as well as, your needs.

    Answer by rosiemendo at 7:50 AM on Jul. 12, 2011