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Boyfriend driving me NUTS!!! adult content

I know he loves me. I really do. But sometimes, he really pushes the limits of my love for him. I know it is hard for him to trust, after what he has been through, it's only to be expected..but he is not the only one who has dealt with a betrayal or gotten his heart broken. I have been hurt, too. But you don't see me passing that expectation on to him. I don't expect him to end up doing what others did to me. If he does, well he does, but it's not like I'm sitting around waiting for the day when it happens. But that's like exactly what he is doing. He will use any excuse to tell me that he feels like he can't trust me. The thing is, he doesn't have any reason not to trust me. After more than three years together, my actions have shown beyond any doubt that he can and should trust me - but he tells me that he feels like he can't really trust me. And he won't admit that what happened to him in the past has anything to do with why he has trust issues, when it's so completely obvious that it has everything to do with it. I came across an old friend a few months back on Facebook, after making sure it was the person I used to know, I sent him an add request. Allow me to say that I never dated this person, never had sex with this person. We were JUST friends. And I have known him for almost 8 years now. He moved away and we lost touch and that's the miracle of Facebook - eventually you will find almost anyone on there! So anyways, I added my old friend. We don't talk all that often, just hey what's going on and how have you been, that sort of thing. Well he sent me a note on my wall, saying where have you been?!?!? haven't seen you around, so I told him I would send him my email address in a private message so he can write to me that way. I never post my phone number or email where the whole world can see it. That's like asking for trouble. And mind you, I haven't given my phone number to my friend, just my email. He lives in another country so it's not like we could talk anyways. So yesterday I get a text from my boyfriend asking who that person is and why are we sending pm's to each other? I told him everything, and told him I have known him a long time ago, and we have always been just friends. He was not one of those guys I wanted more than friendship with. But he isn't satisfied with that and sends me a few more texts asking if I ever had a personal or intimate relationship with this person, even tho I had already told him NO it was nothing like that. I mean, is it that hard to believe that I can have a friend who's a guy and not want to fuck him or him me??? Geez. Anyways he made me feel like I was on trial, and then he said he feels like it is hard to trust me sometimes...and in all honesty, that shit pisses me off. After all this time, and he feels like he can't trust me, because of what his stupid ass ex did to him, well, it's just not fair to me. I didn't get mad at him tho. I just texted him back about how I feel like I have to prove to him that he can trust me, that I have to work really hard at it, when I shouldn't have to, when my actions over the past 3 years have more than shown that he can trust me. It almost feels like I am battling a ghost. Yet he says that it has nothing to do with anything about his ex. Yeah, right. If I have never given you a reason not to trust me, if I have never lied to you, then why don't you trust me. That's just foolish.

What's your take on this?

And thank you for taking the time to read through this :)

Answer Question

Asked by chavela_carlita at 2:27 AM on Jul. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Level 12 (887 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • i think that he was really scarred by his ex gf and he never gave himself time to heal fully before entering into a relationship with you. that is not fair to you.

    Answer by gwen20 at 2:32 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • He was married for 12 years before. She cheated on him and then left him for the other guy. So I totally understand where he's coming from with the trust issues. But it's like, sheesh, when is he going to realize that I AM NOT HER, when is he going to realize that what she did to him is why he is reacting this way with me???? They were separated for more than a year before we met. And I understand that he has extreme trust issues. But he is not the only one who has been badly hurt. So have I. I guess what I really want to know is how do I help him realize this is why he does this? Whenever I bring it up, he acts really pissed and says his exwife has nothing to do with it. Grrr, it's just really frustrating especially when he gets all distrustful over NOTHING. By the way, the friend I added on FB? He is married with two small kids.

    Comment by chavela_carlita (original poster) at 2:42 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Honestly? I've been cheated on, I was in a horrible marriage. Then when I hooked up with the guy I'm married to now, it took a while to build that trust but 3 years and he's still not trusting you? Something isn't right and it sounds like he is making excuses because he is being controlling. My husband has also been cheated on but I don't think he has ever looked at my FB to see who I've been talking to.

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 9:24 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Plan someting back

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 11:09 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • i agree-- i've been cheated on by 3 guys. each had a baby with the girl they cheated on me with (the curse of cheating on me apparently. lol)... while i have SOME trust issues, its not as bad as it once was with BF and it only comes at certain times... but i WILL admit it is b/c of my past-- i dont want my BF around his ex b/c in my past, the BF would fuck their ex then come to me... makes sense- BF understands and respects me enough to stay away from his ex..... but if your BF isnt even telling you what the problem is, how can you compromise- how can you SHOW him that you are different than his ex?

    when he starts acting like that, asks him questions-- whats my name.. have i ever cheated on you.. ever lied to you... ever made you feel that i dont want you... etc.. and that you never would do that stuff b/c you love/respect him.

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 11:19 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I have found, over my 50+ years, that when somebody starts accusing another without reason, starts questioning your love...well
    Grandma said it best: "You don't look under the bed unless you've hidden there yourself." Just saying, it's something to think about.

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 6:56 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • MamaAlice, LOL I love that quote!!! I am going to remember that one!!!!

    Well I wanted to update this. A couple days ago he sent me a text saying he was gonna come see me and stay the night, I told him I didn't get off work til like 11:30 pm, but he could wait for me at my place until I got there. He has a key to my place, and I have a key to his house. Well on Tuesday night, he asked me when does my lease expire. I told him I wasn't sure, either December or January. He then told me that he is going to be moving into a new house soon, and that he wants me to move with him. He asked if I want to. I told him, well of course I do, duh.

    I take this a good thing, living together is a step in the right direction. And like I said before, I really do understand why he has trust issues...from time to time he needs to be reassured that I am not gonna end up doing to him what she did. And I think that eventually he will get there.

    Comment by chavela_carlita (original poster) at 1:27 AM on Jul. 15, 2011

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