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3 Bumps

Is it wrong to keep MIL away from baby?

I live with the in-laws. She is not a bad person, but she is TOO attentive to my child. She leaves for work around 8:30am and gets home after 7pm and so I try to make it so she doesn't interact with her much. She doesn't speak much English, and so always talks in Vietnamese around my baby. I would like my child to learn English first, so I can understand her. She has pushed me out of the way while I was diaper changing my daughter before, and what really pissed me off was she gave my baby her FIRST bath. I was looking forward to that as a new mom, and yes sometimes after you give birth you want extra help, but not when you are in the middle of changing a diaper. I worked an odd shift and so one night I got home and hadn't seen my DD, so I wanted to hold her and love on her. MIL came over to take my baby from me and I went off and shouted at her NO, I'VE GOT HER.

Then I went to my moms for a month. She called me and told me I must come back soon, she missed her too much. I don't feel its healthy for a child to be around in-laws that much. My baby was having problems identifying with me. I quit my job and am now a SAHM and still living in the in-laws home for a couple more months.

Should I keep trying to limit her interaction with my daughter?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:22 AM on Jul. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (23)
  • Have you talked to DH about any of this? It may be something as simple as a cultural difference. As far as her speaking another language around DD. It might be a good way for you to learn the language. I would be mad if someone came over and shoved me out of the way while I was changing my child. But again I would talk to DH about anything cultural you could be unaware of. Some cultures help the mother a lot more then we are used to. If it is not that then I would have him talk to her about pulling back a little. And you guys trying to find somewhere else to live.

    MrsLLove

    Answer by MrsLLove at 8:33 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • He yelled at me when I brought it up. He is on her side of everything.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:34 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I went through somethng very similar when my daughter was born. My MIL lived across the street and never left us alone. She followed us to the hospital and was in the room with us when they prepped me for my c-section. I had told my DH I didn't want anybody there, but my contractions were so bad at that point I didn't care. My MIL has a close relationship with her daughter (my sil) and her grandson, so in her mind, she thought me and my DH would need as much help as she gives my SIL. I never got to hold the baby when she was around! Drove me crazy! Talk yo your DH first (especially about the speaking engligh part!) because she will probably be more likely to listen to him
    Bluebird8874

    Answer by Bluebird8874 at 8:36 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Good example, right now while typing this post I had DD in my lap. She comes in and just takes her. I can't stand that. However, its not my house and I can't really say anything. So his mom is going to be late for work all because she MUST hold my child. I absolutely hate this.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:37 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • If he is not going to be helpful maybe it is just time for you guys to move.
    MrsLLove

    Answer by MrsLLove at 8:39 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • If he yelled at you over this, I would go stay at your mom's again until you can work this out with him. YOU are the mother and should have the first say in raising your baby and what language the baby speaks. Just because you are living with them doesn't change that rule. She had her chance with raising babies and now it's your turn! This is such a touchy issue for me, because except for the language thing, I feel like you have exactly described my MIL and I've been dealing with her for 2.5 years
    Bluebird8874

    Answer by Bluebird8874 at 8:39 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • You got to stand your ground and your rights, and make it very clear to her, that you come first with this baby and then her and everyone else. Ask her if she would have liked someone else taking over her son when he was a baby, make a scenario that you now have apply to her when her son was a baby. Sometimes when we force others to walk in our shoes, there is a better understanding. Honestly I don't think you should go out of your way to keep the baby away, I think that communications needs to happen, and put her in her place.....
    older

    Answer by older at 8:40 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • She has other grandchildren, but when they are around she still wants only to do with my child. I honestly think she thinks its her kid. I've always had limited contact with my grandparents and have NEVER experienced anything like this.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:41 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Living with inlaws is never pretty. Honestly, if I were in your situation I would move back with your mom until your husband gets a home for your family without your MIL. Good luck (c:
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 8:51 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Are you Viatnamese as well? I know that they have a very strong culture when it comes to raising kids, and I think if you are moving in a couple of months, you and your baby will be away from her, and more able to limit her time with her. She doesn't sound like a BAD person, just a bit pushy, and if I were you I would just try to hang on for a bit. If you are not going to be able to move, perhaps you should all go and live with your mom?
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 8:54 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

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