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I'm not sure how to act

we went over to friend of a friend's house for a cookout. there were alot of kids there that was the same ages as mine. but they didn't get along. my youngest kept to herself and kept tripping over things or falling down because she was acting like a kid. the other parents tried to rush over to her to make sure she was alright, i didn't. she was about seven feet from us so she was up and off running again before anyone could really move. the last time she did it the other parents told me to make her sit down. she was actually glaring at them because i did. that lasted for five seconds before she was up and running. the other four year old fell afew minutes later and was crying for half an hour for a small scrape. they were acting like i was a bad mom for not babying my child like they did theirs. i raised my girls just to blow off minor scrapes and cuts. they are making me feel like i was in the wrong. has anyone else been in this position before?


Asked by noel1978 at 9:30 AM on Jul. 12, 2011 in General Parenting

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Answers (10)
  • I hate when parents do that!! my dd and nephew are the same age.. when she first started to walk she'd fall on her bum quite a bit.. the first few times I was like "OMG are you okay??" After the first day though she'd look to me to see my reaction, so I realized pretty fast she was taking her cue from me and not actually hurt.. so every time she'd fall on her bum, I'd smile at her and ask if she fell on her bum.. if she was fine, she'd giggle, if she wasnt, obviously she'd tear up and I was right there to give hugs and kisses. From then on she didn't cry over any little thing.
    My nephew was babied and was SUCH a cry baby over the smallest things.. I mean if he tripped over his own two feet and didn't even fall he'd start crying.. thankfully he grew out of it now that he's a little older but as a toddler it use to drive me nuts.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:24 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I don't think parents should make a big deal out of injuries unless there's an emergency because children will learn to do it for attention, kind if crying crying wolf. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like a bad parent. You know what's best and what works for you and your children. If you turned around and said to those parents, "Oh stop babying him/her" would they like that? no!

    Answer by Bluebird8874 at 10:00 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • It's easy. Just tell them "it doesn't bother her, she's good". Perhaps they have a child who is more sensitive to physical pain (which doesn't mean anything about the child being weak in other areas), and they don't understand?

    I have 2 "it's nothing, Mom" kids and 1 crier (who has never been babied, only hugged when crying and coming to us), so I've been on both sides. I agree with the PP. Each child is an individual, and different things will bother them. My crier comes for a hug and gets one, then a pat on the back and a "you're fine, go play". My others almost never need that. Try to tell them that your children don't need a break by explaining that they aren't bothered by cuts so you let them play, not by saying that you don't baby your children, which sounds like your way is better than theirs. That would be no better than them glaring at you. You are all doing your best for your kids and nobody's way is wrong.

    Answer by Tracys2 at 7:47 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I think you're right. I also don't baby my child for minor things.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:32 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • It is ok for kids to fall and get back up on their own. They just need to parent their own child not yours.

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 9:33 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • When my child falls, I just say "Uh oh! You're ok!" My daughter is three and is too busy to worry about minor bumps and scrapes. If she is really hurt though, then I do pick her up and apply ice or Neosporin or a bandaid when necessary.

    Answer by Razzle_Dazzle1 at 9:39 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I don't baby my son for little things like that. If I did, I would do nothing, but run around picking him up off the ground all stinkin' day LOL. My motto is "no blood, no worries" LOL ;)

    Answer by asmcbride at 9:39 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • i feel the same way. i just figure out how to phrase it. my 9 year old hurt her ankle, and sot down for a total of three minutes before she was up and running again.

    Comment by noel1978 (original poster) at 9:42 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • here you are again.... YOU are the one with the problem.... YOU teach your kids to be strong... FINE but you also teach them to be bullies, and that juding people is okay.... I have come to the conclusion that you might be crazy

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 2:52 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I tend to look to my kids, and take my cues from them. Something may seem like a hard bump or skid to me, and yet might not phase them. Something else might seem more upsetting than I'd expect it to be. I try to be what they need, rather than consciously trying to withhold (so they'll be "tough") or else babying them (so I can be a "good mom" or feel useful.)
    If they are really upset, even at a time that I think the actual experience didn't seem all that upsetting, it's possible they are feeling vulnerable about some other frustrations or some time when they didn't get quite what they needed & got a little stressed. A bump or a disappointment can provide an OPPORTUNITY of sorts to cry & to process some feelings (unrelated to the bump) that need expressing. So, I try to trust the kid & her needs, and go with it. I don't have to inject drama, but I can be a calm & warm witness and accept any/all feelings. This seems right to me.

    Answer by girlwithC at 4:00 PM on Jul. 12, 2011