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Don't even know what to say anymore. adult content

My husband has been promising me for almost 2 years that he will quit smoking, right before our DD was born he even went to a class and got a prescription. He stopped taking the prescription after less than a week, saying it was pointless because it wasn't working, even though they take at least 2 weeks to start working, but why listen to me, I only work in the medical field. Then he was just hiding it from me and I found out when I went to look for something in his car. I told him I would rather him be up front about it than lie to my face saying his isn't smoking. That was 9 months ago and he is still doing it, and every time I call him out on it, usually with a pack of his cigarettes in my hand he tells me to flush them because he doesn't want to lie to me anymore. Well after the 4th time of that I again found his hidden cigarettes this morning. He gets mad at me when he says he is going to quit and I don't say anything but give him a nod. What does he want me to say? He has broken that promise time and time again. I have started saying, "I will believe it when it actually happens." He gets all pissy at me....I am not the one telling lies and hiding things, so why does he get mad at me when I don't believe that shit? I just don't even know what to say or think. I keep telling him how bad it is for him, me, and our babies, he says he knows but then he won't follow through with taking the prescriptions. What the fuck I am supposed to do? Sorry about the language, I am just so pissed off right now! But I know what will happen when I confront him about the lies. He will say he is so sorry, tell me to get rid of the cigarettes and that he won't smoke again....until next month when I find his hidden stash again!

 
AF4life

Asked by AF4life at 11:40 AM on Jul. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Level 44 (185,714 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • AF4life, just because it was easy for you to quit smoking doesn't mean it's like that for everyone. When I quit after 3 years I came down with a fever for 4 days and was puking my guts out.

    You said yourself that you work in the medical field so you should know that everyone's body handles things differently. I'm honestly starting to feel really bad for your husband.
    miss_lisa

    Answer by miss_lisa at 11:52 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Take a breath. You are in the medical field then you know that this is an addiction. And for him it is not that simple. His addiction to nicotine is similar to someone else's to another type of drug. Try not to be so harsh. People think it is "just cigarettes" he should be able to quit. Well if it was that easy then everyone would do it. Try and be supportive, if he is sneaking it is probably because he wants to quit too.

    Communicate with him, not yell at him. See if he really wants to quit. Find some common ground and work together. This is going to take time. He might fall back from time to time but with your support you can work it out.
    sipn_mom

    Answer by sipn_mom at 11:51 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Stop asking him too. If he wants to quit smoking he will. Bugging him about it isn't going to change that. The only reason he's lying to you is because you won't stop pushing him to do something he's not ready to do.

    Did he smoke before you married him? If so, then IMO you don't really have a right to get on his case about it. My DH smoked before we were married and while I'd love it if he quit, that's up to him and I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to. Stop trying to change him and accept the fact that this is who you married and had a child with.
    miss_lisa

    Answer by miss_lisa at 11:46 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • What miss lisa said.

    I smoked for 15 years before I quit- and I quit a LOT before it finally stuck. Get off his ass and support him ... quitting smoking is the hardest thing I've ever done and had my boyfriend been riding me the way you're riding your man, I wouldn't have done it.
    EgoTryptophan

    Answer by EgoTryptophan at 11:48 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Again, he will only stop if he wants to. You bugging him about it likely makes it worse than better. You need to back off and when he comes to you and says he's ready to quit THEN you can support him. But until then you really need to just let it go.
    miss_lisa

    Answer by miss_lisa at 11:51 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I agree that it is hard for some to stop and that you can't make a person stop, they have to be ready. That said, constant lying and broken promises are not right and I don't think he has any right to be pissy because, shocker, after all the lies you don't believe him until you actually see proof. If he is not ready to stop, he should quit telling you he is. I have a lot of family who smokes, my DH even does, and I've been on this roller coaster so many times it's ridiculous. I have quit asking him to stop smoking because he won't. Not until he is ready. The only thing I won't tolerate is him smoking in the house. If he loves his habit that much, he can do it outside.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:03 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • its sooo hard to quit, I have tried soo many times, the longest i went without was 2 days. i am going to set another quit date, just not sure when. if you dont like him smoking ask that he do it away from you and the kids. im not trying to be mean, i just know how much of a struggle it is to quit, and when my mom hounds me i just get irritated and want to smoke more.
    GypsyMoon605

    Answer by GypsyMoon605 at 11:48 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • No he didn't...he started smoking after, when he was hanging out with people that smoked. Which is why I am trying to get him to stop, he only smoked because he friends at work did.
    AF4life

    Comment by AF4life (original poster) at 11:48 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • And I smoked for a lot longer than he did, I started smoking at 16 and when I was 20 and I just decided one day to quit. Simple as that, so I don't see why he is having so much more trouble, he just doesn't want to seem like the guy that doesn't have balls!
    AF4life

    Comment by AF4life (original poster) at 11:50 AM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • You can't make him quit. It's called addiction and the first step is that he person with the addiction actually wants to stop. Make it a rule that he cannot smoke in the house and he has to brush his teeth before kissing you...
    Good Luck
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 12:11 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

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