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i have a 4 and a half year old son and he tells me no about everything and i need some advise on how to get him to stop can anyone help me?

i have tried turning him picking up his toys into a game and giving him choices and so many different things and nothing i have tried works when i ask him to do something he tells me no so i use a stern voice and tell him to do it but when i do that he sits down on the floor tells me no again and starts crying what can i do to get him to stop

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LadyBug0523

Asked by LadyBug0523 at 12:56 PM on Jul. 12, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • YOU NEED TO SHOW HIM WHO IS THE BOSS AND BE CONSITANT SHOW HIM HE CANT GET HIS WAY
    maria4540

    Answer by maria4540 at 12:59 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • hE'S 4 NOW IS A GRATE TIME TO BREAK HIM...I STUDIED CHILD DEVELOPMENT AND YOU HAVE UNTIL HE'S 6 TO CHANGE ALL OF HIS BAD HABITS .......U HAVE TO COME DOWN TO HIS LEVEL MAYBE GET ON YOUR KNEES TO GET DIRECT EYE CONTACT WITH HIM......LET HIM KNOW WHAT HE IS DOING IS WRONG ......AND IF YOU DO IT AGAIN AFTER THIS TALK YOU WILL BE PUT ON A TIME OUT 5-10 MIN. IS OK FOR A 4YRS OLD .....ONCE YOU ARE SURE HE UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU HAVE TOLD HIM ......IT MAY BE HARD FOR YOU TO DO BUT PUT HIM ON TIME OUT AND DONT STOP UNTIL HE STOP ........IT SHOWS OUR KIDS THAT WE HAVE THE UPPER HAND WITH OUT ALL OF THE HITTING AND YELLING .........ITS SOMETHING ABOUT CONNECTING WITH THEM ON THERE LEVEL THAT WORKS ....I HOPE THIS WAS A LITTLE HELP.....GL
    lovevlj31

    Answer by lovevlj31 at 1:04 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I just read the section on 4 year old behavior the other day for this very reason. If you have the AAP: Birth to Age 5, peruse through that chapter. it basically says that this "defiance" is the main developmental task for the age group. The child will be testing, and it is a positive indicator that they are appropriately hitting this stage. So, it WILL happen. Just make sure that you don't give into it. But, you won't be able to make it disappear because that happens naturally at age 5 or 6. Just set your boundaries and be firm. AND hunker down for some more testing for a while. :)
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 1:06 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • When he tell you no you get on his level look him in the eye and say I'm your mom your not mine when I say something that's what you do now you gonna sit in time out for 4 minutes into you think about it..... thats how I broke my two yr old
    MumNeedsFriends

    Answer by MumNeedsFriends at 1:07 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • thank you very much lovevlj31 i will definitely have to try this
    LadyBug0523

    Comment by LadyBug0523 (original poster) at 1:07 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Just remember, whatever you ALLOW him to get away with, and yes, you are allowing him to behave this way, he will continue to get away with and then some. What are you going to do when he is 17 and giving orders to you? Fix it now, be the MOM.
    kustomkrochet

    Answer by kustomkrochet at 1:08 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • No is a powerful word. When children learn it, they find they can disconcert just about any adult; it gives them control. First order is to difuse the word no. It is only a word, after all. That means that you and others have to teach yourselves not to over react. Take a second to breathe and form your reaction before doing anything. Five seconds of ignoring the no is a powerful weapon also but use it wisely.
    Next, in your training period make sure you have the time and are not rushed. Example, oh gosh my ________ will be here in five minutes John pick up your toys or we have all afternoon if necessary to pick these up (though you would never say either one)
    Be preemptive if you can. John put the car away before you get out your blocks. Be firm but not frazzled. No you may not have the blocks until you put your car back. Of course you will be reasonable if John wants to build a city and drive his car through it. .
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:31 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Also keep the job small. He is 4. He can be expected to be able to follow simple requests if the are broken into simple components.
    Example; pick up all these toys, now, John. or John, will you please put your car on the shelf in your room, please. Example is the best teacher. It is easier for him to do if he sees you also. Six is not the upper age for learning or breaking/ making habits. It is a falicy that anyone can see through if they just look at their own life. A child's learning patterns are formed,generally , by the age of six, which means that you should open your child to the different experiences around him. Might I suggest thatyou begin by a subtle reward?
    Say, oh dear, I was going to make cupckaes (have a popsicle) but I have to wait until this car is picked up. If we get this picked up maybe you would like to help me bake them. Find different ways of saying no in your own speech. Good luck.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:44 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • when my 4 yr old was having the same issues my husband and I took away all of her dvds which are her prized possessions and every day that went well she got to pick one to have back and if it went very bad we would take one back. Now she isn't a perfectly behaved kid but who is but is is alot better and it was a good way to teach her how her consequences and positive rewards
    worriedmom1030

    Answer by worriedmom1030 at 4:03 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

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