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Biomom getting out of jail & needs a place to go

We just found out my (almost) adopted son's birthmother is going to get out of jail 1 to 2 weeks before she gives birth to her next baby (who I am supposed to adopt as well). She needs to get into so sort of sober living situation, but she will also need a place to heal after her c-section.

Honestly she has burned my mother (my mom raises her older children) and I too many times to let her stay with either of us. Birthmother says she has no access to resources in jail so I have started doing research and left a message for our Social Worker.

I would really love for her to get the help she needs. I want her to be well for her and for the kids. I know I have no control really, but there has to be something I can do.

Is it true that no one will work with her on this issue in jail?
Does anyone have any ideas of who I should call or what I should be looking for.

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Asked by ochsamom at 1:19 PM on Jul. 12, 2011 in Adoption

Level 22 (12,399 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Usually she would have access to a social worker in jail, some are spread more thin so she may have some difficulty depending on how long she has been there.

    I think that right now your social worker is the best starting place. She will know what resources are available in your area and how to go about everything.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 1:22 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • She's full of it, there are resources. She may not like them, but they are there.

    Answer by yesmaam at 1:27 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Probably look for someone to convince her to get her tubes tied? I am sure there's a halfway house or rehab center that will take her. Don't feel obligated, because you're already doing her a huge number by caring for the children she brings into this world. To her, she's able to make this mess and just walk away. She needs a consequence, because evidently having to give up her children isn't important enough to make her stop terrorizing herself. As long as her baby is safe, that's all the farther you need to help her. She will need some kind of outside influence, maybe a support group?

    Answer by matobe at 1:31 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I hear you matobe, I do. I do care about this young woman, but I know an addict will only get help when they hit bottom. One would think handing your children over to someone esle would be bottom, but I suppose not. I hurt for the kids who have to know why they were given up. I see therapy in there future, they big kids already are in. Sorry for venting.

    Comment by ochsamom (original poster) at 1:40 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Even if an addict wants badly to get clean, sometimes the addiction is just too strong. Not making excuses, it's just the truth. I grew up with someone, knew her from Kindergarten on. She was the best mom, even cried when she went back to work and was leaving her kids with me as a babysitter ~ and she had known me forever! She had grown up with alcoholic parents who had a violent relationship, which I believe contributed to her trying drugs and becoming an addict. I couldn't believe it when she got so bad that she lost her kids when they were about 9 & 7. I thought for sure that would give her the strength to get clean, but the addiction just had too strong of a hold on her. This is why I know how strong of a hold drugs can have on a person. I would never in a million years believed that she would have allowed anything or anyone to come between her and her kids. She was a wonderful mom before the drugs...

    Answer by susie703 at 11:17 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Anyways.... what I was getting to is that I think it's wonderful that you are looking into things for her. You may be the only person in her life right now that cares what will happen to her. For your kids' sake, think of what that will mean to them in the future that you wanted to help her up instead of keep her down.

    I don't know anything about the resources she has access to, but your social worker should know. Or maybe a women's shelter would have info? Good luck!

    Answer by susie703 at 11:20 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • You could try calling Project Cuddle. They have Resource Families who may be willing to take her in. Then again, hers is a special situation with being in jail and her history. You can Google them - it may be worth a try.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 12:54 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • This is from our Social Worker (sign): I understand that you want to help A and that is an endearing quality and as you know she needs to make that first step. My guess is that she knows of more rehab places than I do. If not, I sure the jail has information of rehab facilities. If they don't, I will bring a long list of places at our next meeting.

    I understand but I am not any further. She is still going to be pregnant when she gets out. I desperately want her and the baby protected. Is this truely completely out of my control? Ugh it is. She cannot be trusted to do anything she needs to. She is eveing lieing about this. I am so frustrated.

    Comment by ochsamom (original poster) at 11:01 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

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