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How can I get my inlaws to give me a chance ?

I came from a family, where family is everything ! That is also the reason I wanted a big family of my own and am currently trying for my 5th child...

A few years ago however my (first) husband passed away right after getting pregnant with my last child ( I have 2 daughters who are 6 and 5 and then my sons are almost 4 and almost 3 ) , after he died I went on with life trying to make the best of it for my kids... I was able to get a job with nice hours and find a little house ... even though things were not perfect my kids and i were happy ( the most we could be without their father) ...

After almost 3 years a friend that i work with set me up with this man who i instantly fell head over heels for ... he was older, had a nice job, a house, very family oriented ( he didnt have any kids of his own, but always wanted a large family and house full of kids) ,k not to emtnion we just get along so well and share so many interests, just instantly we felt a bond and knew this was it...
I was always careful about who was around my children, and with him I can trust him, I know he sees them as his children and he is their father figure ...

We got married and we moved into his large home ( it was the house he grew up in, and he bought it from his parents shortly before we met) ...

Of course this is when all of the trouble started... his family has never given me a chance, they have barely even talked to me... and I understand being cautious about this woman who just showed up with all of these kids... that would make me wonder too if one of my children done that... But if they would give me a chance they would know I am not just some slutty woman who pounced ont he first guy who came around , I dont expect him to support me and my children, and I do afterall take care of my children ( my MIL has said that I married him so I would have someone to watch my children while i spend his money) ... which isnt true, I am very rarely without my children, I do not pawn them on anyone, I love every minute I spend with them, I mean I honestly have never felt the need to "get away" or be alone because to me , being with them is everything... and after we got married and decided to try and have another child together, WE BOTH disscussed me staying home with the kids... i had planned on working still, but it just made sense for me to stay home ( I mean yes I love staying home with them, but also now since our income was combined we could never afford child care - before I got a large discount since I was a single mother) ....

Also, they use the "excuse" that I am young and he is 13 years older than I am... well, it isnt like I am living a "young lifestyle" ... I have never partied or anything like that... I much rather spend my time taking care of the house, playing games with the kids, and my husband and I like to go antiquing and to museums and such... does that sound like some young tramp trying to take advantage of an older guy ??

His mother has even told us that she wishes she never let him get the house because she knows that me and the kids will just tear it up.. which also shows she should get to know us because I keep it very clean, and my kids are very well behaved !

It just makes me so upset, because even though my husband sticks up for our relationship and has told her he choses our family, I know it hurts him very badly , and I just do not know what to do.

I have thought of maybe writing her a letter, but on the other hand, she is so stubburn acting I dont know if she would even read it...

what do you think I should do ?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:03 PM on Jul. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • I feel bad for you, I think the only thing you can do is be the best mother and wife that you can be. Ignore them, do what you can for your family, if they don't want to be a part of your lives then its their loss. Good luck. ( I have these inlaws and there is no winning, but I don't care lol).

    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 6:10 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • There's nothing you can do, and I suggest you not even try. You just be the best wife and mother you know how to be. My mother-in-law was a lot like yours, and I tried for more than 40 years to get her to like me, and it never happened. She went to her grave thinking her son had made a huge mistake. Not too long ago, he told me that she would not have approved of Mother Teresa had he married her. To some women, no woman will ever be good enough for her son. I came to understand that the biggest problem she had with me was that she was very jealous. In many ways, I think I represented everything she was not and she couldn't handle that. So my advice to you is to be polite when you are around her, love your husband, and mother your children, and let her deal with her own stuff.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:19 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I would write that letter in an attempt, I'm sure she'll read it. If she doesnt change, she doesnt change. I couldnt help but wonder about your husband who passed aways parents? Do they still have a relationship with you and the children? If so, Maybe that's all you need. Sometimes, it's better for children to be without the people who bring negativity into their life. I sympathize with you, that must be hurtful, and hurtful for him to choose between his families. But, he's not the one drawing a line, its his parents.

    But, like amazinggrace said, just be the best mother and wife you can be, and let his parents miss out on a wonderful family.

    Answer by Ashleigh_17 at 6:26 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • No their paternal grandparents also passed away ( his father died when he was a teen and then his mom died 2 years before he did -- they had him late in life so even though he was only in his 20's his mom was nearly 70) ... he was an only child and he had 2 aunts but they are also elderly and live about 2 hours away in his hometown so my children really have no relationship from their bio. fahters family, which also might be why I want to try for my inalws to except them ....

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:29 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

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