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How would you feel....

if you had your DD make a "virginity" promise to you as her parent, and then found out she didn't adhere to this promise as an adult. She did in fact have sex at the age of 21 with her bf.

Do you think this kinnd of "promise" is even appropriate to make with your child? Do you feel it's still appropriate to inquire about your DD's sex life once she is an adult? How does your religion play into this?

Answer Question

Asked by sahmamax2 at 8:20 PM on Jul. 12, 2011 in Religious Debate

Level 37 (88,208 Credits)
Answers (30)
  • At 21 she's an adult and can certainly make her own decisions. I'd just be glad it didn't happen while she was still in highschool.

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 8:21 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I don't think it's appropriate at all. I'm not religious.

    Answer by SWasson at 8:22 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • No, No, It doesn't. I think if you have your child make this vow first they need to be ok their decision and should only last till 18yrs old. Secondly once they are past 18 unless they come to you with questions it's none of your bussiness Just MO

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 8:23 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • No I don't feel that its any of our business, we can discuss her feelings for this guy but we can't condemn or expect our kids to keep that kind of promise. If she said no I won't promise that wouldn't you have said oh you must be having sex, she's 21, she's an adult. I know we are suppose to wait but as much as we'd like to think that happens it just doesn't.

    Answer by Momabear455 at 8:24 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I think it was pretty great of her to have waited until she was 21 to have sex. She is an adult and unless it was specified in the "promise" that she would wait until she was married whats the issue? I like the "promises" kids make with their parents, but worry sometimes that it cuts off communication between them about sex. And I hope my kids always feel comfortable coming to me to talk about sex at any age.


    Answer by LadybugTash at 8:27 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • She is an adult and unless it was specified in the "promise" that she would wait until she was married whats the issue?"

    It was specified to wait till marriage kind of promise. And it did very much lead to her not wanting to discuss things about sex with her parents.

    Comment by sahmamax2 (original poster) at 8:29 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I have so desperately wanted to ask my 19 yr old son if he is still a virgin, but I just can't bring myself to do it. It's none of my business.

    Answer by popzaroo at 8:29 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • We need to teach our children to protect their minds, hearts and bodies..... protecting their virginity will naturally follow. These agreements are a veiled, desperate effort to get kids not to have sex. Our kids need to have respect for more then a religious contract they made with their parents watching.

    Answer by ochsamom at 8:41 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I don't like the whole virginity promise, especially with rings and everything, it makes me uncomfortable and it would have made me uncomfortable as a teen. I talk to my kids and I listen to what they have to say, ultimately the decisions are theirs and so are the consequences. I try to instill in them that they are responsible for their actions. My religion does play into it because my faith teaches responsibility, and to be contemplative about your life so you can make good choices for yourself.


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 8:45 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • If she was forced to make this promise then yes it is inevitable that she will break it. It did not come from the heart. If it did and she really meant it then she would adhere to it.
    That is the epic fail of making promises. However I would be glad she did wait until 21. I would have prefered her to wait until marriage... and in God's eyes... she is married now.. to the man she had sex with. She is ONE with him.....

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 8:53 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

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