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Unfair to the kids?

My DH and I both have children from a previous marriage, all whom live with us. My girls are 12 and 13 and he has a son 15 and a daughter 13. The problem is he is very strict with his children, while I am alot more lenient with mine. I am letting my daughters go to a party hosted by a friend, while he absolutely won't let his daughter go to. This happens quite a bit. I am conflicted because I feel sorry for my stepkids and them not being able to do the same things. I also fear they are feeling resentful about it all. Should I be more strict, or try to get dh to lighten up? I don't want to cause trouble, but feel something needs to be done. Any ideas?


Asked by Anonymous at 3:58 PM on Dec. 17, 2008 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I agree with a few people here that's posted answers you both have to be on the same page. Find a middle ground and base your rules fairly to all of the kids. There shouldn't be a my kids your kids thing going on. Talk about and be open and honest with each other and set the same rules!!!! I am 8 years older then my little brother and he gets treated really differently then when I was growing up. I still get upset about the things he's allowed to do and I wasn't just because I was girl and he's a boy. I couldn't imagine actually living under the same roof and in the situation if we were closer in age. You don't want your kids and step kids having hard feeling for each other just because you parent differently so good luck and I hope you can find a middle ground on this.

    Answer by jennifer8585 at 5:48 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Parents should present a united front. All I can suggest is that you and he work on coming to an agreement on parenting policies. If you can't do it on your own, then seek the advice of a family or marriage counselor.

    Answer by Bmat at 4:02 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Well if they all live with you then they should all have the same rules bc otherwise it isnt fair to the kids and it will in time cause serious resentment. I would sit down and talk to your dh about everything and ask him to compromise and maybe you can too and set a list of house rules all the kids need to follow.

    Answer by gemgem at 4:03 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Talk to DH. They live in your house so you do have say in any matter. There should be same rules applying to all the kids in the house. It shouldnt be mine and yours it should be ours.

    Answer by aznblond9 at 4:03 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • I would def. suggest some family guidelines be made. You both may need to give alittle here and there. It is NOT fair to either set of children. You are suppose to be a family all the time and not just when its convient. This really isnt teaching any of the kids very good family relations. I can imagine its very hard in this situation but medium ground needs to be found as soon as possible. I know from personal experience blending families and wht hard work it is. Good Luck!

    Answer by mistynights234 at 4:11 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • All the kids that live with you. Should be treated equally in everything.Chores rules of the house & places they can and can't go. You and your husband should have talked this over before you all got married.  You need to have a talk with him.


    Answer by louise2 at 4:21 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • I agree with all the pp's. They are now "our" children. Not mine and his! Your setting up something that can back fire horribly in the future.

    Answer by my4lads at 5:07 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Try to get him to loosen up alittle. You must both come to a comprimise, like they can go but have to be back by a cetain time. I love all the kids the same. And I have 3 Stepkids who are 18, 17, and 16. ANd 5 of my own and I am just now getting DH to let his son go out to do things on his own he has to be back before a certain time and he has to let us know where he is., hopefully I can get Dh let him go out of town.

    Answer by Ibelongtojesus at 5:26 PM on Dec. 17, 2008