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my husband and i got in a argument about alcohol what to do??

so for the last 2 weeks my hubby comes home smelling like alcohol(this is an ongoing problem we go thru it every 3 months.). nasty and then sweats all night and i cant deal with it anymore.so i told'em about it nicely and he got all mad and said i was exagerating.so i told him i wanted to separate and to choose.he told me he already gave up pot and now i want him to give up more things and he doesnt want to.so today all sober he text me telling me he will do anything to stay happy. i heard this before so what do i do??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:30 PM on Dec. 17, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Your freaking out because he smells like it? If he's not doing anything bad and just having a few drinks but still acting sane and the only problem you have is him drinking it in general personally I think your over reacting.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • It's okay to drink a little as long as it's on a limit. I think he should be allowed to have X amount of beers as long as it's an agreement between you two and it's done at home. Maybe he could have just enough beers to give him a little buzz. Not to get drunk. You can't change him honey. He is what he is and if you have a problem with it only for the mere fact that you don't like beer then your going to have a lot of trouble. It would be different if he was going out partying, getting hammered and acting like a psycho and cheating but if he isn't doing any of that what is the problem? A few drinks are fine. I am not a drinker but alcoholism and having some drinks are two different things.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:38 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Did he come home drunk or just smelling of alcohol?
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 4:40 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • I think you are right to deal with this before it gets worse. If he gets defensive or mad when you mention it, then it IS more than just him not smelling pleasant. You are not over-reacting. From what you have said it sounds like he may be willing to live clean for you and it doesn't sound like things are so bad that separating is necessary at this point. On the other hand, I wouldn't let the topic be dropped because you will just have to deal with it again later. If you can't calmly discuss the problem, then it might be best to involve an outside person like a minister or a counselor. I aslo wouldn't suggest involving friends or family, because you know they will take sides and see one of you as the bad guy who is totally wrong.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:48 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • If he isn't making an ass of himself and gets tipsy once inawhile what's the big deal? If you met him and he didnt drink a lick and now started I can see your point but if he drank before....I would choose your battles. Are you unhappy in the relationship? Do you find something to complain about? I am not being mena I am seriously trying to help you with positive advice so please don't take it the wrong way. I jus t know when I was unhappy in my past relationships I would nit pick and eventually I figured out nothing he could do to make me happy and I pushed him away and the walls came tumbling down .....and the big D came into affect. However I am really happy now.

    Just take a look and see if you are unhappy.
    Fallon_Long

    Answer by Fallon_Long at 4:49 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • My husband started drinking everynight when I was pregnany with our second child. It was a very difficult pregnancy and we were not sure if the baby was going to be okay. It may not have been the best solution, but it seemed to help calm him and given he had to be the primary care giver to our other daughter I dealt with it. Again, it was not to the point that he was druck every night but we did have a discuss as we do have a three year old and I did not want her seeing Dad drinking all the time. Yes, some of you may be thinking don't tell them what he is drinking but at that age they want to taste everything. It might also be that if you are not a big drinker that the smell bothers you more. If the drinking is just casual I would just try and explain that the smell bothers you and ask that he not come to bed smelling like alchol, but if he feel that he has a drinking problem it is something that you should not dismiss.
    maddiemygirl

    Answer by maddiemygirl at 5:01 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Once every 3 months? What happens to make him begin drinking? Is it binge drinking? Has he been getting tanked every night for the past 2 nights? If not, cut the guy some slack - he isn't a child. As long as he's not driving drunk, I don't see it as a problem. Tons of adults are able to drink - even to the point of getting drunk - and not be alcoholics.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 5:05 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • i think u are over reacting also , it's not like he is having dangerous behavior or abusing u? i see nothing wrong with a having a few beers and smelling like it.. unless there is some underlining behavior problems that come along with it???
    boyer94

    Answer by boyer94 at 5:06 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • ok thanks . however. he pees the bed he walks outside naked and calls me allsorts of names.then claims not to remember what he did. and kinda laughs it off.im stuck with the cleaning after him and he got in a car accident due to drinking last june. is always the same argument about the same thing over and over.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:15 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • You are asking alot of him but it will result in better health for him and his family if he gives it up. If he's just a partier and can give it up except for the occaisional drink or two, great. If he can't, follow through on the separation until he attends AA regularly and gives it up for good. You will need to go to Alanon if that is the case because the focus for you will be you, not him or his drinking status. I hope it doesn't come to the need for a 12 step group but if it does, do what you need to do. It will always come back to here if you do not. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 5:23 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

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