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Adult Children

What would you do? My daughter just got her second DUI and isn't drinking and driving but she is still drinking quite a bit, I don't like to be around her when she does this because it hurts that she hasn't learned her lesson. She has already lost her license for a year and has to do jail time and AA classes and put her car in my husbands name. I don't really want her around if she's going to drink, do you think I should tell her, I don't want her to stay away either

 
Momabear455

Asked by Momabear455 at 10:44 PM on Jul. 12, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 22 (12,794 Credits)
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Answers (10)
  • Yes!! Tell her your her mother. You lecture and lecture till you are blue..Then you let her get out of her own MESS..she has to learn she is an ADULT!!
    pinkcardinal

    Answer by pinkcardinal at 12:46 AM on Aug. 21, 2011

  • yes, you can tell her that she has to be sober to be around you. It's your choice to set limits on your relationship. You can say she has to be sober for the day when she is around you or go further and say she has to sober x amount of time before you will resume her and your's relationship.
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 10:47 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I wouldnt have allowed her to put a vehicle in my (or my dh's) name if she obviously cant be responsible enough to take care of it. Sorry mama!


     


    But, yes I would sit down and have a LONG talk with her, and if she cant understand your point, at least you know youve tried everything.

    mlmkjw

    Answer by mlmkjw at 10:48 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I would say being honest with her is the best thing to do. You don't want to regret not saying how you feel on down the road. Maybe she'll get hurt, angry, defensive, but you're thinking of her best interest.
    SpaceToast

    Answer by SpaceToast at 10:49 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I think i would only allow her to visit when she is not drinking, thats the only time she'll be able to talk sensibily.
    Sarah961

    Answer by Sarah961 at 10:50 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • You are enabling her. It is hard to have the kind of tough love that is needed for a budding alcoholic. And that sounds like what she is. By being afraid of her not coming around, you are playing into her hands. She has probably figured out now that no matter what she does, you will put up with it. Not good. She needs to be told and told firmly that she is not welcome when she drinks. She has not hit bottom yet. She won't hit bottom if you are always providing a soft place to fall.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 6:35 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I'm so sorry for what you are going through - my daughter went through the same situation, dui, drug testing everyday, jail, no license, breathilizer in her car. Sometimes it takes alot for them to learn their lesson. She is still not through and it has been over 3 years and lots of money, but she has made it through and she does not drink around me - I never really had to tell her not to though - she just doesn't - I think your daughter will be fine to be around you and not drink. Not sure about the situation, but if she were coming to your house, I would make sure there was none available. I always say... the only thing I can control is what my kids do around me. Sometimes that is very hard. Good luck!
    Justme1352

    Answer by Justme1352 at 9:15 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I did the same thing for a while.Until I watched the tv show intervention, and saw my exact situation that I was in.And I realized I had to stop enabling.I got to the point, that I thought if she lived with me, I would know is she was still alive or not.and she was 24.Drinking and drugs.I told her she had to contribute to our household.rent or chores.She chose neither.So I told her she had to find somewhere else to live.She left,got into some minor legal trouble.And no one bailed her out.and now she works, and rents a little house, and is on the right path.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 11:16 AM on Jul. 14, 2011

  • You bet! Don't encourage her behavior. Tell her to straighten up or stay away! She is an adult now and you can't hold her hand forever. Let her figure it out.
    CarrieR62

    Answer by CarrieR62 at 12:47 PM on Jul. 14, 2011

  • Not sure but bumped for your answers ~
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 2:44 PM on Jul. 14, 2011

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