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4 Bumps

How can I get my step child to at least respect me again?

Holy crap, I have been with my boyfriend (we have his daughter 5 days out of the week) for 2 years. For the first year my boyfriend "took a step back" and wanted to see how I do parenting....it took a turn for the worse and now his 7 year old daughter does not even acknowledge me when he's around. When it's us three I'm completely the odd man out. I just sit there while they play games, talk...blah blah blah! It's so frustrating and I don't know how to get out of this rut. For the first year and a half we were a happy little family. Now I want to leave, but I love my boyfriend so much. I can't let a 7 year old break it up, can I?

Answer Question
 
samantha208

Asked by samantha208 at 10:51 PM on Jul. 12, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 6 (145 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • How did it take a turn for the worse?

    Without that I'm not sure if can answer.
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 10:53 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Um... Why is he playing games, etc. and allowing you to be excluded??
    SpaceToast

    Answer by SpaceToast at 10:54 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Well, as I was parenting she started wanting Dad ALL THE TIME. Thinking I was this horrible mean parent, but I was really sweet to her, showed compassion, and did my best as a 24 yr old without any kids of my own. And he played the good parent. It's been extremely tough for me, now all she does is cry to get his attention when I have it.
    samantha208

    Comment by samantha208 (original poster) at 10:57 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • SpaceToast, your guess is as good as mine. I don't know if he feels guilty for divorcing her mother. He always says how much she has gone through, and how tough it has been..but hell! My parents got a divorce and even if I tried to ruin their relationships, they wouldn't let it happen. I'm just at a loss, I suppose...
    samantha208

    Comment by samantha208 (original poster) at 10:59 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Use some of the same techniques you used when you were first "parenting" I had a simular situation with my SD (same age), but we are getting close again. I think part of it was the BM, (I hate to say that, but a part of me feels that way, and my DH kinda agrees with me). I took my SD out with me just to go to the store, asked her opinion on what to buy, etc. I also asked for her "help" around the house, (Laundry, cleaning, cooking etc) I tried to make sure that I made her feel part of the family. Or rather I wanted to feel part of the family. I would also tell her "I feel kinda sad.... Can YOU cheer me up?" Take her with you to get a hair cut, let her "pick out" your "style". She is the age that getting her nails done is fun. So maybe you can take her to do that. Make sure that you talk to your boyfriend, express your feelings. He should want you included.
    baquick

    Answer by baquick at 11:02 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • sounds more like issues with him and you.. parenting takes two and if you want to make it work between you and your step daughter then you and your husband need to work as a team and parent together.. he can't let you be the only disiplinary, and you need to step in and participate in the fun as well.. I suggest talking with him about parenting together.. work things out, then sit down TOGETHER and discuss this all with yoru step daugher and go from there.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:21 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I wish I could help but I'm going through the same thing and have been for over 3-4 years. the 1st year hubby and I were married things were good but I think my SS's BM has a lot to do with it and his dad won't do a lot about his attitude or anything and we now have a 3 year old and a 1 month old together. It's rough, if you find anything that work let me know. Good Luck!
    jennerz

    Answer by jennerz at 12:48 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Maybe they need some daddy daughter time to reconnect. Nothing over the top...she can ride with him to the store. But make sure she knows you are staying home, not being "left out". For example, you could say "you two go ahead I'm going to ____". Then disengage. You're not the parent so don't let him make you act like one. His baby. His job. Tell him in private what you want to see happen ("Would you ask her to ____, please?" *bats eyelashes*") But whatever you do don't let her see you two coming undone over her. I bet it'll work...good luck!
    BluDog

    Answer by BluDog at 3:04 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • You have to earn the respect back and your boyfriend needs to help that along. He needs to include you in game time. Start a family night where ALL participate. Let her pick the activity and meal one might, then you and then dad. Just keep taking turns. Also, let them have daddy and daughter date nights, so she does get her time with her daddy. Help her get ready for her "date". A new outfit, fix her hair. Help her plan the "date". She needs time with just dad but she also needs to have time as part of a family.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 6:10 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

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