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How do I make friends?

I am a single mom now. I found as we separated, are divorcing, and he has SOs I'm increasingly lonely obviously since he was my closest friend for the last eight years.
I have attended Mothers Of Preschoolers in the last town we lived in but not able to find a comfortable group since we moved two years ago.
I attended a Divorce Care group with my children this spring but the travel distance each week and the people in the group are in completely different stages of life than I am.
I am shy in unfamiliar settings.
I had a best friend from fourth grade through high school. Husbands, moves, kids and less in common anymore deteriorated that relationship.
I had guy friends through college mostly.
I have only had two significant relationships, my ex-bf who is my oldest DS father but we don't talk much anymore, and my STBexDH who is my DD and younger DS father. DH raised all three so they all know him as dad.

I feel like I try too hard some times, maybe try with the wrong people in the past (DH friends' wives before we stopped being together), SIL, MIL, ladies at work, I have identified in the recent past that my parents didn't provide or encourage a healthy social environment that I am now struggling to overcome after 30.
Anyone know books, groups, social skills I can see if I have/dont have to work on.....? ANYTHING TO ENJOY LIFE WITH OTHERS! and yes, I am working on loving myself, doing things alone and more time to be with kids but I want a support system if adults to encourage over the rough spots too.

Answer Question
 
JKQMom

Asked by JKQMom at 11:48 PM on Jul. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (83 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • That's tough. I'm sorry for what you're going through. For me, my friendships started when my kids started school. I got involved with volunteering at the school, field trips etc. Became Secretary/Treasurer for 6yrs and as soon as our boys were older we made friends through sporting events. Invite some of the moms over for coffee and doughnuts. Before you know it, you'll have lots of friends :)
    Kathy675

    Answer by Kathy675 at 12:04 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I am not sure that anyone can actually tell another how to make friends. I suggest though that you think about something you like to do and volunteer. I personally volunteer with a reenactment group. Common interests give you a starting point for conversation and hopefully you will find someone to talk to and maybe do things together outside of the volunteering.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:08 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I don't really have many "friends" I have a lot of people I see often. It is too hard to keep a friendship going with work and kids and trying to prioritize! Can go out tonight, because all the spending money left needs to go to gas for the mom mobile.....
    Marcibunni

    Answer by Marcibunni at 12:09 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I married my DH and moved to his hometown. No family here. No friends of my own. I've lived in this town 7years now and still do not have someone I can call a true "friend". I have DH's friends wives' who are just acquaintenances to me. We just don't really "click". I am in your same boat , pretty much. I'm not newly divorced though. I'm happily married but....I still need a BFF. I think it's healthy for a woman to have a best girlfriend to share things with, go & do things with etc...share daily life issues and good times too. Have things in common....I just haven't found that here. I tried involvement at school but..IMO, most of the moms were so busy trying to impress each other that they were the "best mom on the planet" that...you couldn't really get to know WHO they really truly were. Shallow. I don't like shallowness in people. So, if you find what works.....let me in on it? I wish you BOL!!!!! Really!
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 2:42 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I agree with pp and she describes me to a tee also; it is a tough situation to be in and heartbreaking because I know we all would love to have a BFF who we can connect with; do things with; bitch about our SO/DH about to; have a shoulder to cry on when needed; or just to go out and have fun with; someone we can tell anything to and have it go no farther. I have not found that person either and it is heartbreaking to be alone and not have anyone to talk to or anything
    Christmaslver68

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 10:07 AM on Jul. 18, 2011

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