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3 Bumps

When is it time to leave a marriage?

Besides the obvious of one person cheating...but what about not being attracted to your partner any longer? Or being scared to be stuck in a certain situation? He is hard working & is faithful maybe I should be happy, just dont want to feel like my mother who was stuck in a bad marriage....& felt bad for herself.....

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:51 PM on Jul. 12, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I just hate to see when people have truly picked a wrong partner for long (life) term. It's like....what made you so crazy about him in the beginning that you took marriage vows with him? Something made you feel that way? where did that go? Have you grown? Has he changed? Are you bored? Is he boring? Is something else making you feel that you've made a horrible mistake now? I wish I could help you. I'm really starting to believe fully that none of us should marry until we are past 35, lol. We are all still growing and changing and so many people end up together that maybe shouldn't be or wouldn't be if they were older and wiser. I think we would choose much differently than when we are young. We never stop growing and changing though....a marriage HAS to grow and change too with us. That takes work...to try to keep things fresh and new yet, comfortable and balanced. It's not easy. just thinking...sorry.
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 2:31 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • you need to regain your focus. Love is not a feeling, it is a choice.
    While the butterflies fade with time, the love you have for him will grow.
    You need to focus on what makes you happy with/about him.
    MomOfDagJag

    Answer by MomOfDagJag at 11:54 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Try talking to your husband, and letting him know your feelings. Maybe the two of you could work something out. Don't just give up that easily. You got married to him for a reason, try to find that reason again. Try talking to someone outside the marriage, or groups or something. Try not to think of your mother too much and think you will end up "like her" Every person is different and every person makes differnet decisions.
    sunsetbeach81

    Answer by sunsetbeach81 at 11:54 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Have you explored all sides of him? He may be boring...in a certain context... but what if you put him in a different context? Would you see his funny or adventurous side come out? Our lives can so easily get routine and we need to mix it up now and then. Maybe try something new to the both of u and learn more about each other....maybe take an acting or dance class for fun. Take a trip somewhere. If it's more bad than good, then def leave but there will always be periods of calm which might be boring. Marriage is to through thick and thin but if it's to the point where u get depressed, it's time to leave. I say keep trying to get to a closer answer to your question either way.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 11:56 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • when you stop loving them and start to resent or hate them
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:17 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • best time to leave is when you just arnt happy anymore
    akalei

    Answer by akalei at 11:53 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • the bible says FORGIVE FORGIVE FORGIVE. your vows said for betteror worse. I dont think you should leave unless he is beating you, or has cheated on you more than once. You also shouldnt leave if you arent giving 100% into your marriage. so many people dont take marriage seriously. thye throw it away like garbage because things dont go their way for a season.
    alboston

    Answer by alboston at 11:58 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • I can relate. Sometimes I feel like I'm better off being just me and my kids. He's not the biofather of my 3 boys so there wouldn't be any custody issues.. They are attached to him though, and I will admit he's good with them. I just don't feel a connection to him anymore, and I would like to be on my own again.......... The only thing stopping me is the relationship my boys have with him. I'm sorry I couldn't help you, but I do understand...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:54 PM on Jul. 12, 2011

  • Maybe if it's mutual. Sometimes people grow out of love...leave the honeymoon stage and just feel stuck in a rut. You can either learn and grow (evolve) or you can accept what is and move on. Communicate and come to an understanding. I always thought, if he hit...it's time to leave, if he cheats...it's time to leave or if he signs the D papers first it's time..but simply if you're just blah and the other person is happy...you can TRY be in counseling or anything with communication, change in lifestyle..but if all else fails...than the appropriate thing to do is to both part ways in agreement. It's up to you to make yourself happy, not to rely on others to make you happy. If you truly can't find happiness for yourself IN the marriage or together in the marriage...simply communicate the other side of the fence. It's time to leave when all other angles have failed. If you're both not happy...there's your anwer to move on.
    Imortlmommy

    Answer by Imortlmommy at 12:01 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I really agree with alboston.
    Love and marriage is a choice. Both people have to choose to make it work. Situations aren't always peachy...you'll have your ups and downs and sometimes really low lows....but it's important to push through, because the bad times don't last forever.
    If you have a spouse that is emotionally/physically/mentally abusive and will not change after you make every attempt at saving your marriage then I would say it's time to leave. Because it makes two to make a marriage work......
    BeachyBabe

    Answer by BeachyBabe at 12:04 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

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