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When is enough enough when it comes to adoptive parents?

mine are doing the yoyo thing, hate me, then want adresss? ive not done anything wrong and I cant do this anymore. when do u say that enough is enough?

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:11 AM on Jul. 13, 2011 in Adoption

Answers (21)
  • I'm confused. Can you elaborate?

    Answer by sugamama3 at 6:23 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I'm confused. Are you a mom who is putting her child up for adoption, and these are the parents that are adopting your baby, or have they already adopted your baby, or are you a child who was adopted?

    I'm sorry that things are crazy for you with them, whatever your relationship with them is. If you are the birth mom, I would suggest maybe trying to talk to them about what it is that's going on, why things are so hot and cold with your relationship right now (maybe with whoever is assisting with the adoption or a social worker or caseworker or someone), and see if you can maybe work it out. But you and they are the only ones who can decide if this is right for both of your families.

    Good luck!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:34 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • sorry. I am a natural mom of 5 years,adoptive parents have done the push me away pull me in type carry on whole time and im sick of dancing to their tune cos its ruining me. just wondering when enough is enough

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:01 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I've heard that the whole adoption process is like a rollercoaster. I hope you can find reasoning in all what you are going through. Just keep a positive attitude and hope for the best.

    Answer by Cafemomoftwo217 at 7:02 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I do not have any advice, but i am sorry for what you are going through. :0(

    Answer by ochsamom at 10:22 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I am assuming you are the adoptive parent and these children are now at the age they would like to find their biological mother. If they are teenagers, take it with a grain of salt. Adopted or not they will do the yoyo thing and often not like you. But either way you are the parent. If it is your discretion that these children are ready and the biological parent is stable enough for these children to meet...then and only then would I say that you may consider doing it. I do think you should be a participating factor in this. Be there for them, through it all. I wish you the best of luck.


    Answer by babybellahelp at 10:57 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • In most cases with adoptions there is an adoption agent or service. I would talk to them and see what you can do. Probably not much unless there was some kind of court agreement, but it never hurts to ask. If there's nothing you can do just hang in there. Maybe write letters to your child that you can give him/her once old enough to read them and understand what is being said that way he/she won't think its all you fault things are how they are. Just try not to let it get to you its probably hard on them trying to be comfortable with the child they are raising having another parent they kinda have to share with. Also, you could try talking to them about it by saying something like 'am I doing something to upset you that makes you not want me to know about the child' Make is seem like your not blaming them even though I know you want to because if you come at them in a blaming way they'll just take it offensively. Goodluck

    Answer by ramita at 11:55 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Coming from an AMom in a very open adoption, they may be having difficulties themselves with figuring out exactly how close they want to be with you right now. Perhaps (and I'm only guessing since I don't know the story) the part where they pull you in is when they are thinking how great it would be to remain very close to you and when they push you out is when they are second-guessing themselves and worried that being so close to you may not be the best thing...then they go back to wanting the closeness and then back to second-guessing that want.

    I would try to talk to them and bring up that you'd like to set up a more routine schedule in carrying out whatever openness you currently have.

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 1:03 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Quoting ramita: "Also, you could try talking to them about it by saying something like 'am I doing something to upset you that makes you not want me to know about the child'"

    I would not say something like that at all.

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 1:06 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I' m sorry to hear that. All I can say is sometimes we are afraid. It may be silly and rediculous....but it does boil down to fear. At least I think many times it does. I truly hope things work out so all of you can coordinate care in the child's best interest. And by coordinate I mean it would be nice to have fair and timely updates as well as be able to keep your child and her parents up to date on you. I wish my child's birth mother could update us. I pray for her safety and I know if she wants to be kept informed of his development - I would bend over backwards. Knowing me, she would have a file so thick to catch up. All first mothers deserve some information about the child's well being. At a minimum.

    Answer by frogdawg at 1:08 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

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