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How can I avoid my mom poisoning my kids life?

Hi, I am new here, but our family have a problem with our mom. I have very controlling mother who control me and my siblings life. I myself is 30 and have 2 kids of myself, but she is poisoning our and my sisters lifes. I guess we could handle her, but when it comes to our kids as well then I feel like Im getting stuck. She yells at us in front of the kids and very often calling names my nephew,because she cant stand him at all(she tells it honestly). To be honest with you story is long and goes from our childhood. I hate when she calling names to her own grandchildren(my and my sisters kids). I gues she do have menthal problems, but she will never admit it. Most of the time she is making like we are the ones who have menthal problems and she is the good one who make things right while we being a bad moms. If we tell her that she is wrong then she shout and being completely crazy. I myself dont live with her or even close, but my sister(older) lives with her(actually my mom and dad live with them,at their house). There are many storys what I could say,but I would need tens of thousand characters to write it. The fresh situation is,that when I told her I want learn spanish,she said why I need even waist my time,its not like I will move to Spain and if I will then Im most stupidiest person on Earth and if I oppose her she started yell like crazy and all in front of the kids. When my 6y/o daughter run to me and hided behind back,she then came to us and yelled at my daughter that she better dont ever come to her anymore and me she blamed for kids not wanting to go to her. So I frankly dont know who is crazy me or her?! At times I do question, because mother can make us feel guilty even when we are not. I love my mom, but I cant allow her to treat kids like she did with us. I am a single mom and she never babysit my kids and frankly Im trying to avoid her to even be with them. I was listening for her yellings and fights all my life. I cant say Im the best mother in the world, but im trying be better than her,not always works(sometimes I raise my voice), but then I am soo mad at myself. My kids are everything to me, I love them more than my life and want only best for them. I am not sure what I am searching for advice or just support..or maybe just talk to someone.

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marara

Asked by marara at 6:52 AM on Jul. 13, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • *HUG* I wouldn't let my mom be around my kids if she talked like that to them. Good luck.
    sugamama3

    Answer by sugamama3 at 6:59 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I'm sorry that things are so hard for you right now with your mom, but honestly, this sounds like you and your siblings need to stop having contact with her.

    I get that she was able to be controlling of you when you were growing up, but now that you are adults, she can only control you as much as you let her. She starts her crap - then you leave, or you hang up. You tell her flat out that you do not like that she disrespects you and yells at you, and sets a bad example for your kids. You don't have to put up with it. Especially if you and your siblings stick together and stand strong about it.

    You can also insist that she get counseling if she wants to spend time with you all. Because, frankly, you can't change her, and right now, she has no reason to want to change - she gets to act however she wants, and you all have been letting her. She will do this as long as you put up with it.

    Stand strong -and good luck!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:01 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • The best thing i can say, is distance yourself from her. IF she is as toxic as you say, then leave the area & go somewhere that her negative energy & behavior can't affect you. I know family is family, but if family is toxic & does nothing but cause pain, then move away.

    Move some place she can't hurt you anymore. That is really the only way, unless you want to file a restraining order on your mother. She is not going to change, so you have to change the situation & that means moving where she can't bother you.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:02 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • It does sound like she's mentally ill. There's no reason to have your children terrified by her untreated mental illness. Keep them away from her.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 7:22 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Stay away from her.
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 7:54 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • So sorry, I think I would cut her out of my life,, I know it sounds harsh, but this is really unhealthy for you and your kids! You can't do anything for your sister unless she decides to cut your mom out as well, I would not allow her near my children unless she gets some professional help.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:10 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • just cut her off, stop answering calls or going to her house...if she comes over, start getting ready to go do something and come up with a excuse. She might bad mouth you to everyone else but if they know how she is then she's just talking to no one who'll really listen and pay attention to her. we had to cut my mil off because she was being a bad influance for my ds, but she seems to have straited up a bit so we are giving her a second chance
    dreamangel06

    Answer by dreamangel06 at 9:52 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Thank you all so much for your help and care. Yes, I do live already far from her(other Country), but 2-3 times a year we(all family) gathering together at my sisters house(where she and my dad live) and after 2 days all starts. My eldest sister lives with her family in Italy,other sister in Sweden(thats where we gather) and me in Finland. So for us to cut her off of our life is not quiet possible, but as for changing her ,you all are right,its impossible. She also has huge EGO and she believe she is right and we wrong. She rarely smiles and only bitching at everyone around. We have told her miljons of times to get some psychological help,but then she yells and tell that we are actually the crazy ones who need help and she is normal. Today I told her,if she is healthy and Im sick then better to be sick,than healthy like her ;) Thank you all for listening me out, it helps a lot!
    marara

    Comment by marara (original poster) at 1:49 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

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