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How would this have made you feel? long

yesterday my husband and i were having a conversation about when we met in highschool, dated for a little bit, then re-connected years later. when we re-connected we were just friends with benefits. he didn't want a relationship because he was about to deploy for 15 months. i understood that but my heart was always in it. i used his horny-ness to get close to him and he used my feelings to get in my pants. but he always sent me confusing signals, like one night at a country bar he was talking to some girl and had his friend come up to me and tell me "he said not to worry about her she's just an old friend". then when he deployed, he got sick and they couldn't figure out what was wrong with him so they sent him back to the states. well he got better and decided to go back. he asked me to come up to georgia (where he was stationed) to see him off. we slept together and weeks later i found out i was pregnant with his child.

i always figured that he had more than just sexual attraction for me because of the things i mentioned above and a few other mixed signals i got from him. but he asked yesterday if i remember the night we were dancing at the country bar and i poured my soul out to him. in my defense i had had too much to drink but i do remember telling him how much i wanted to be together. i smiled and said, "yea i remember. so what was going through your mind when i was saying all that?" i thought he was enjoying it. but he laughed and said "i thought i was going to get raped".

then he admitted he felt a little trapped by the pregnancy. although i did give him an out. i said i don't want to be together just because we have a baby on the way. but he swore he wanted to be with me and months after i had her we got married. so it hurts a little now that i'm finding out he wasn't in love with me the way i was with him. he says now he loves our family though, and i guess it's good that he was honest, right? i just sometimes feel like he doesn't really want to be here.


Asked by Anonymous at 8:30 AM on Jul. 13, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Well he says he loves you and your family,, and I think that the past is the past,, you could try some counseling together if you feel you are losing that connection. I don't really know what else to say, but here is hug! ;)

    Answer by kimigogo at 8:40 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Everybody falls in love at different rates, so be pleased he was honest with you, this alone shows how much he loves you, and trust that even tho he took his time to fall in love, he's fallen head over heels otherwise he would've left along time ago :)

    Answer by shortstop283 at 9:00 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I think kimi is right, maybe some counseling would help. Keep the communication going though! Good luck mama..........

    Answer by Dahis at 8:55 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • The way I see it, if he didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't be! Be thankful he loves you and the family you've created together! You're a blessed woman. Don't let a silly conversation make you doubt him. My husband and I have had many conversations like that but I just think to myself that he could've chosen anyone but he chose me.....

    Answer by cmgIII at 8:55 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Frankly, I find it refreshing to hear about a man who both understands his own feelings and can express them in the manner in which you describe. I can't really blame you for having a small emotional moment over that revalation, but chase all that away by looking at what you have now.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 11:00 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • . I can't really blame you . pick well

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 11:26 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • He's just telling you how he really feels. I'm sorry it hurts though. I can see how an unexpected pregnancy would make a man want to do the right thing by his child and the woman and may have some regrets or still wonder what may have been if things had gone some other way.
    It's natural to wonder. It just wasn't exactly what you wanted to hear. I would be hurt if my DH told me that too. It would set me to wondering about things but...I would also have to be thankful that he DID in fact marry me and is being a father to our child. It's just the circumstances you were both under. Are you wondering that if you had not been pregnant would he still have married you eventually? or not? You can only get a true answer to that if he gives you one,'re going to keep wondering about that if you let it bother you.

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 11:29 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Would've been a red flag for me that he just wanted to be "friends with benefits" but not "in a relationship."

    Answer by 1smartcookie at 12:45 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • The fact that he is admitting this shows he loves you...otherwise he would be too chicken to tell you. IMO husband has told me more than once he started our relationship because he wanted to have sex with me and he knew I was going to be a challenge...I went into our relationship knowing he liked to "conquer women"...8 years and 3 kids later I think we are both winners:P

    Answer by BetcCarter at 1:42 PM on Jul. 13, 2011