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Out of Control Kids!

I offer 2watch my nieces (2) & nephew 2help my sil out. Theyr 2,3, & 5.Theyr fine when theyr here but once their mom shows up they go crazy! They kick & hit, run & yell. I don't mind the running & yelling bcause they r kids but it bothers me when their mom is sitting right there & won't say nething while they fight. It's out of control & i don't want that in my house. My sil is the type that doesn't like confrontation & when i say something 2them i can tell it upsets her but won't tell me. We've had the broad conversation, not referring 2any1, that they think that it's good 4their kids 2get each other back because it teaches them 2b tough. While I don't agree with her parenting method, I'm not dissing her. I just know that i want my child 2know how 2act in public or at home. Im not babying them. How do i approach her children better when they r n my home without upsetting her? She doesn't like when people get on to them. ??

 
kinzleysmommy

Asked by kinzleysmommy at 5:32 PM on Dec. 17, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (9)
  • When they are in your home you have the right to request that they not be hitting, screaming, or being disrespectful. You can have a general discussion with all the kids and your sister in law about how you like peace and harmoney. You can explain first that you understand how every house has different rules and at their home they have their rules that work for them. But in your house you prefer that no hitting, screaming, or running around. You also can call attention to their behavior in a more positive way without "getting on to them." Instead of saying don't run you can say, "Let's walk" or "Let's pretend we are turtles." Be creative. You get them to pretend they are something quiet and slow. Your goal is to get them to stop thier behavior - how you do it doesn't matter. Only that the goal is achieved. It may save you a headache with your SIL that way.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:48 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Either suck it up and deal with the fact that they are that way, or don't have them over. You can't change them and you don't have the right to judge.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:43 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Well if you have them over and know they are that way then whose fault is it really? Not all kids act the same way all of the time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:55 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • You know I watch 2 toddlers in my home and I know what you mean they act very good while here with me and as soon as their parents come to pick them up you know right away who bosses who. I don't like it I just want them out when they act like that. All I can tell you is as long as they act good in your house for the time being don't worry about it let the parent deal with these little monsters at their home just kind a bite your tongue while they are there. I mean you can say things to them that will danger them but just to be mean don't do it. Just raise your kids the way u want them to be. I totally agree with you though keep up the good work.
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 5:55 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • I see this totally different. I have had my friends children in my home and when Mom showed back up, they acted like heathens. I don't enjoy the mothers visit b/c they are rowdy and misbehaved. Remember that this IS YOUR home. You do have the right to set the standard of behavior and to make the call on that behavior, if you are brave enough to do so. When their mom walks in, simply stop the children, putting a firm hand on their shoulder as they rush by, and with your deepest-in-control voice, say "Ok, your mom is here now and we are NOT going to act up just b/c she is here. Lets be sure and show her exactly how nice and well behaved you are when your mom is not here."
    lifeasinoit

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 6:25 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • continued...Of course, theres a bit of stretching the truth, but this will give them the encouragement, as well as letting the sil see that you apparently consider yourself the authority over the children, even after she arrives. If, for some reason, she doesn't like you making her children mind, then let her find another sitter. Let that person have the headache. NO amount of money is worth being put upon by other peoples hoodlums. Remember too, that children are not born knowing how to be social.
    lifeasinoit

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 6:26 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • continued...They have to be trained from early age how to act. When they are not given the boundaries of behavior, young children feel out of control, they fear a lack of stability b/c there is none. I always feel sorry for children whose parents aren't brave enough to parent. Its the parents job to train children the right way. Otherwise, the children WILL hate their parents as they get older and prob. not know why, but it will be b/c no one loved them enough to teach them.
    lifeasinoit

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 6:26 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • ANON - AS I SAID, I DO IT TO HELP OUT MY SIL! I DIDN'T ASK FOR A RUDE ANSWER. I ASKED HOW I COULD HANDLE IT BETTER. I LIKE HOW YOU WERE REAL QUICK TO ANSWER WITH A RUDE ANSWER BUT DIDN'T HAVE THE GUTS TO PUT YOUR NAME! KEEP YOUR RUDE COMMENTS TO YOURSELF!!!


    OTHERS - I appreciate your help! Thanks for all the POSITIVE answers i've recieved. It's nice to have somebody that can either relate with me or can help.
    kinzleysmommy

    Answer by kinzleysmommy at 6:37 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • Wow these Anon women are being real bitches tonight! Pull your heads out of your asses ladies. If you have nothing better to do, get off the computer and go torture your kids with your presence.

    Now to answer your question, I would set down rules and talk to the kids about them. Like, "I don't want you running in the house" or "No Hitting!" And then just call them out like that, like "No running in the house, you know the rule!" by reminding them of the rule as opposed to just fussing. this may work for the older kids. It might be easier for mom to hear you say that instead of fussing at them. And if she isn't going to, then you need too. It is rude and disrespectful of your home, otherwise.
    Now, to say my peace, I hate when parents do this. They let their children go crazy in someone else's home and don't say anything but have the nerve to be irritated when YOU say something.
    evilabbysmom

    Answer by evilabbysmom at 7:13 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

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