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How do I turn my feelings off?

I'm a married women and I think I have fallen for a guy that I've met. We talk all the time and I can't stop thinking about him. I know I have feelings for him which I don't want. I try not to talk to him but I can't help it. I've tried to just leave him alone but when I do it drives me crazy. I find myself emailing him even when I say I'm not going to. I'm confused. How do I turn my feelings off? I work with him so it's not like I can avoid him.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:14 AM on Jul. 13, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • You can't turn your feeling off, but you can control how you act on them. You need to be stronger, when you say you aren't going to email him you need to stick with it, have more self-control.
    AF4life

    Answer by AF4life at 10:17 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • You have the power to control your thoughts. Your feelings follow after your thoughts. So every time you have a thought of the "other" man, you replace it with one of your husband. You also stop emailing him. You know you can control that--you just refuse to do it. You tell him, if he asks, that you are a married woman and you are completely devoted to your husband and to your marriage. Then you spend every waking moment thinking about what you can do to show your husband how much you love and appreciate him. Just because some dude tries to tempt you does not mean you have to fall for it. Do you have any idea how many guys see this as some kind of a little game just to see if they can lure a woman away from her husband and ruin her marriage? Try seeing him as the enemy rather than a friend, because he is more of the former than he is the latter.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:20 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I agree with AF-4life. You may not be able to turn your feelings off, but you can control your behavior. It's time to start looking for another job. You need to stay away from this guy, and not indulge yourself with selfish behavior. We expect our children, especially as they become teenagers and young adults to make the right choice, follow our rules and not indulge in selfish or dangerous behavior. As adults we need to do the same. Cheating hurts more than just your spouse, it hurts your entire family.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:20 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I agree with AF also.. and heres the deal.. I have been there.. I know how "hard" it is.. but sometimes you just have to make a choice and do it. It was not easy for me either, it hurt it stunk.. and I kept saying hes just a friend anyway.. but I knew better.. and if you love your husband and compare the cost of losing a friend or losing your marriage and family.. it makes the reasons pretty clear then you just have to do the right thing and on a side note.. even if you dont feel like you love your husband at the moment.. but you know you want it to work.. thats another reason to let go too..
    MommaB30

    Answer by MommaB30 at 10:24 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • You probably can't turn them off, but you can control your behavior. What you are doing isn't healthy for anyone and you need to be the adult and do what is right - quit contacting him.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 10:25 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • control yourself and for someting you dont like in men and keep it in mind...
    GlitteribonMom

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 11:17 AM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • No, No, No. Turn those feelings off. You should not let yourself even get into a situation where you think you may let your feelings run rampant like that toward someone. If people can stop smoking and give up alcohol and drugs...people can surely turn themselves away from feeling something for another man when they are married! You know better.
    Sorry, I cannot sympathize with you. It's a no no and you know it.
    I'm thinking there must have been some general flirting going on or something like it for things to get to this point. At that moment, you should have turned and only dealt with this person on a professional level, period. Is there something you are not getting from Hubby that is causing you to lose your grip here? Just wondering.
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 1:48 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I agree with NannyB....feelings come AFTER a thought. You don't feel feelings for no reason whatsoever, you think a thought first. You can control your thoughts of this man, and therefore the feelings as well. Shut it down.
    How would you feel if your husband were at his job right now emailing and falling all over some other woman? or maybe you don't care about your husband anymore? If that's the case.., then you have more problems than just the guy at work to deal with.
    So many divorces in this country over cheating. Don't degrade yourself.
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 1:53 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • sharing with friends
    GlitteribonMom

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 2:27 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • my husband and I have an arrangement. Because he is lacking in an area that is very important to me, he lets me experiment, no strings attached.  I admit that I have had feelings for guys before because of emotional attachment I have developed, and it is very confusing.  Feelings like that are a sign of a crush, not necissarily love or sincere caring.    Best wishes.  I recommend reading about emotional affairs and decide whether it's something you want to do or something you want to stop; http://www.beliefnet.com/Health/Emotional-Health/Bipolar/15-Ways-to-Stop-Obsessing.aspx; http://emotionalaffairrecovery101.com/info-page/

    TeenerBeener75

    Answer by TeenerBeener75 at 3:49 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

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