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3 Bumps

ME AGAIN mARGARET............

Ok another question about my adult step daughter, she lives with me and also her 2 yo son, she has a fiance' if thats what you want to call him. She pays nothing to live there and he is there except for sleeping. Almost every night they go out and smoke pot....................I'm sick of it, but she has no where else to go and I can not kick her out on the street I have told them a million times that they are not doing the crap at my house but it goes in one ear and out the other............What do I do and yes I'm ready for the "Who is the MOM?" comments but put yourself in my shoes..

 
buttonlts

Asked by buttonlts at 4:23 PM on Jul. 13, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 21 (11,115 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • I think you do need to kick her out. But it doesn't need to be instantly. It can be in stages. When grown kids have come back to live with me, I gave them a timetable of things like when will you get a job, when will you get your own place, when will you pay for your own car insurance. This way responsibility didn't happen all at once, it happened gradually over time and they were ready to take on new adult responsibilities. The pot smoking can be handled different ways. But I had a similar problem. I found out that my dd smoked dope one time in my house when I was gone. I told her that if it happened again, she was gone. And she would have been. I have no tolerance for illegal substances in my home. So you could tell her this and be prepared to throw her out if she does it again, or you could call the police on her and have them catch her in the act.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 6:29 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Sorry, but you CAN put them on the street. It is up to your step daughter to provide for her daughter not you!
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 4:29 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • If you don't like the results, change the actions. Obviously telling her to stop is ineffective because she knows you won't do anything else. The next time they go outside to smoke pot, call the cops. If you don't want the boyfriend over, toss him out. Set a curfew and if she chooses not to obey it, you lock the door to show you are serious. You need to realize that by continuing your passive behavior, you are only enabling her. As difficult as this will be, she needs a little tough love in her life. That baby deserves better than a mother who is a pothead and a leech. Don't forget, nobody can take advantage of you unless you let them.
    hootie826

    Answer by hootie826 at 4:40 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • It's your house. You do not have to let the fiance come over if you don't want him there. As for the pot, I would get rid of it. Flush it and tell her that you will continue to do so with any more that comes into your home. Yes, you are the mom, but your sd is an adult and needs to pull her head out of the bong and get her life together. Maybe she needs to be evicted so that she can see how real life works. Good luck (c:
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 4:27 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Why can't you kick her out? Just wondering...
    Alradja

    Answer by Alradja at 4:28 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • You are obviously not ready to do what truly needs to be done. You are just going to have to learn to deal with the hand you are willing to be dealt. Because the ONLY answer to this dilemma is to play hard ball and make your STEP DAUGHTER wake up and realize that she needs to be responsible for her own place to live, her own child, etc.

    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 4:33 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Start charging rent to encourage them to get out on thier own. Same with the rules. Go ahead and make appropriate rules, and don't worry if they get upset. That will just help them get out faster.
    If you really don't want to take thier money, charge them rent and save it for them without them knowing, then give it back to them when they move out.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 4:26 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Have your husband call the police the next time they light up,, LOL! HOnestly you need to have you husband set them straight,, and I am sorry momma.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 4:28 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Sorry, but she needs a wake up call and kicking them out OR kicking them out and taking guardianship of the 2 yr old is the only answer.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 4:31 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • What is your final goal? Do you ever want them to move out, or do you prefer they stay dependent on you? Part of a moms job is to teach kids how to run their own life. I wouldn't kick them out either, but I would make it so that they WANT to move out.

    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 4:42 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

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