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Is it wrong to cut my inlaws out of my life?

My inlaws are so toxic to me and my marriage. They have hurt me over and over. It is mainly my husband's 3 sisters and mother. I get along fine with his father and will continue having him in our lives, but the rest I can not take. His oldest sister is the most unkind and hurtful, but the rest of the family will not deal with it and allows it. His mother lied about her trip to visit my husband and I in Germany. She stopped working at 50 and relies on her children. All the children paid for her trip to Germany. She messed up her ticket back to the U.S. and we had to buy her a new one. I found out she told everyone we took all her money and sent her back to the U.S. with no money. The fact is we sent over $1000 on her ticket to the U.S. and paid for her to go on a trip to Paris. My husband refuses to deal with her lies, but it kills me knowing everyone thinks such things about us.

His sisters want to spend time with their brother when ever they visit. I have had no issues with that when they come to visit us. Two of them came to visit us in Seoul, South Korea. We were getting ready to move back to the U.S. so it was a stressful time. I told my husband to tell them not to come. The timing was bad. I think he was so happy to have them visit and share Korea with them that he had them come out. He ended up having to work so much while they were there. I asked them what they wanted to do and they said they did not care. I took two whole days to show them Seoul and they hated it and complained to my husband. The oldest sister was so ugly to me and we did not speak the rest of her trip. She was so rude and hateful. The youngest sister disrespected me during a dinner with our Korean friends. She told the family she hated living in the South. She said that all Southers where stupid. She got mad when I told her I was hurt by that comment. This is the same sister that had her brother (my husband) creat an singles profile on a singles web site while my husband and I where seperated because of the military. He was living in Seoul for one year before I joined him.

I could go on and on giving you examples of the hurtful things. I have been told by the oldest I am the ugly one. She has never sat down and talked to me. I've never have had the chance to sit down and talk with her. My husband is active duty military, my husband has been gone for alot of our marriage and I do not hear one word from his family to see if me or his kids are doing okay. I feel bad telling my husband I will not go visit his sisters and I can no go to family gatherings. I went to a wedding last summer and I thought everything was fine until my daughter read a post on facebook the oldest sister had posted on her dad's wall. She said some mean things for everyone to read. The rest of the family allows it and I think they are just as guilty for no standing up for their brother or his family. Am I wrong?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:49 PM on Jul. 13, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • umbrellano not at all. if some one is being an emotional vampire in my life i have nothing to do with them. i just cut them off- nothing said, no explanation why i cut them off, when i run into them i make no eye contact, they are non-existent, if for some reason my eyes accidently falls on their face i keep my face emotionless and i just pretend like i see right through them like they are a ghost. i do not waste my time with silly negative human beings who don't enrich my life.


    Answer by gwen20 at 4:55 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • You have every right to cut anyone that is toxic out of your life. If they are not supportive of you, your marriage, and your family then I say cut the ties. Allow your husband to have a relationship with them if he wants but you don't have to. As far as your sister-in-law having your husband sign up for a singles site...that is low. What was your husband thinking? Good luck.

    Answer by zoomomto3 at 4:56 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • What does your husband think about cutting them off? If he isn't backing you up it is highly likely to take a heavy toll on an already streeful marriage. I'm a Navy daughter, Navy wife and Army Mother. Believe me, I know the toll it can take. My inlaws were outwardly was all the behind the scene, underhanded stuff that got me. We , and I do mean WE, cut his family except for one brother and his Aunt out of our lived for 10 yrs. They finally came around being super nice and supportive so my husband talks to them some now. I don't downshift that fast. I never stopped him from taking oure kids and going to see them, but I would not go. He never did. Really, your husband and you on the same page is the key.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:05 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I'd distance myself from them. You don't need that kind of stress in your life. Limit contact.

    Answer by meooma at 5:13 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • No, you are not wrong. His family should respect you as their brother/son's wife. And they should be honored that they get to come visit in all the wonderful places that you have lived. If the older sister complained about Korea, maybe she should have researched it a little bit and stayed home. Sorry you have to put of with all this, facebook is evil and this is just part of being married. You have to take the good and the bad, family included. I have issues with my inlaw also, as well as most people on this site. I don't think it would be fair to completly cut them off from the children, but you however do not have to speak to them. Think things through from all perspectives before you make a decison. Have you told DH how you feel about all this? Maybe let him read your post, and see how truly you are upset with his family. Sometimes, there is nothing that can be done, but you can be the bigger person and not let it get tou

    Answer by sunsetbeach81 at 5:00 PM on Jul. 13, 2011