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4 Bumps

How much time for yourself (without kids and partner) is considered fair and appropriate in your relationship?

If you are in a committed relationship with kids, how much time away from your partner do you get for yourself? How often and how long is something that is fair for both people? Once a week? A couple of times a week? Once every couple of weeks? Once a month??

I'm curious to what is considered needed and appropriate in your relationship?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:39 PM on Jul. 13, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • My thoughts..

    Each relationship has it's own needs. Each individual has their own needs as well. So there really isn't a standard of what is needed or best for every relationship. This is an issue that should be discussed and worked out between partners. Whatever agreement is set up and mutually agreed to both should uphold.

    In regards to my marriage. I take time whenever I feel the need or want. However, to be fair I have no children at home my only is grown and gone. However, even when he was growing up my husband did always make an effort to try and be understanding of my needs to have "me" time once I became a SAHM and always did his best to make sure that I had that "Me" time whenever I felt I needed. He learned quickly, that the less stressed I was, the happier I was, the more relaxed I was, the happier with MYSELF that I was.. The overall level of my happiness as a wife/mother increased which led to a happier home.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:44 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I guess the best answer is: whatever works for you and him..... everybody is different and anything is acceptable, as far as it works for both parties
    alrd

    Answer by alrd at 5:45 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Away from a partner in what manner? I leave DH to go to work or go grocery shopping. But girls' night/weekends away I don't really do. I don't have a lot of friends to go out in the evenings, though it is more than in the past. I am going to a food justice and sustainability conference in August and DH has been my biggest supporter for going.

    Aside from that, I get a lot of time to myself during the day as my kids are all in school. I have lunch with friends and do what I need to do for me while they are in school.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 5:47 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • I don't go that often and neither does he. We try to have a couples night once a month but as for a girls night I'd say once every couple months. Finances are tight so we try not to do it more than that. I miss my son a lot when we go out so I don't really care to do it, but I do take like an hour on weekends when my hubby is there to just be by myself and read a book or something like that.
    gutterflower585

    Answer by gutterflower585 at 7:04 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • My DH is gone from home completely for 2 entire weeks at a time. Then he comes home for a 3 day weekend. Then he hits the road again for 2 more weeks. As you can see..I have way too much time to myself. If my DH had a regular day job...I would feel that 1 day every 2-3 weeks or so would be nice. A day for ME, to do with as I please...if I want to have a day at the salon or a day doing nothing or a day with a friend shopping or lunch or antiqueing. I am not the type to ever go for 'drinks' or anything like a girls night out. I don't agree with that in marriage. That's for when a person is single IMO. That's what I would probably require and feel comfortable with if my DH had a regular day job and I needed a little time to myself. I do believe we can all use some "self" time, it's healthy!
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 7:16 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Everyone is different. My only time alone is when I shower or have a doctor appointment where I cannot bring the kids. I married and had children late, so I had more than enough alone time already! Right now, I find it nice to be with the family. And, I wouldn't find it any fun to be out without my hubby . . I miss him so much during the week, as it is!

    But, if I were younger, I may want more me/friend time. You never know.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 7:21 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Well since my SO and I each have kids we spend quality time when they are with their other parents. We do lots of family things where we can hold hands, kiss and snuggle with the kids and it is fun to kind of wink at each other and it's a lot like foreplay when we know that it will be a week and then we will have a night alone so it's no big deal if it only happens once a month. We are working on once a week though because we are still growing in our relationship. Also as the kids feel more comfortable in the new situation they don't mind seeing us as a couple. It's different for everyone because different lenght relationships need a different amount of care. I believe the longer the relationship the more effort you should put into it so it doesn't stagnate, but not everyone does. Some people find that the more comfortable they are the less they should go out. Mom time for me happens frequently just due to schedules.
    t3dragonflies

    Answer by t3dragonflies at 9:46 PM on Jul. 14, 2011

  • each relationship is different and everyone is different in how much time they need alone or with their SO/DH; we have to figure it out and balance it with being with our children also. We have nights that we have a babysitter come and we just go out by ourselves--sometimes we just go for a drive and talk sometimes we go out for dinner(Rarely); sometimes we just go to a park or something and just sit and talk. It helps to reconnect with each other and find out if there is something bothering the other person and work through it
    Christmaslver68

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 9:17 AM on Jul. 18, 2011

  • Depends on the couple and the relationship.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 9:17 AM on Jul. 18, 2011

  • What works for our relationship is one night a week I leave dh alone for 2 hours with the kiddos so I can take a dancing class and once every two weeks or so I like to have a girls night out to spend time with my friends. My dh goes out once every few months and that suits him fine. I have a desire/need to be more social than he.
    wendydays

    Answer by wendydays at 9:20 AM on Jul. 18, 2011

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