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How to explain to a 3 yr old, why he can't go to Grandmas.

So to make a long story short, my mother smokes, both cigarettes and pot(ugh) and both in her house. I have tried to explain to her that it bothers me and upsets me, as far as having my son go over and especially stay over. My son has a mild case of asthma(thank god) but if he is around cigarette smoke even 3rd hand(on the couches in the house you know) he starts to cough and it can last forever and makes me uneasy.

Add to that the fact that she smokes pot, I really don't feel comfortable with my son going over there and especially staying in her care. My hubby and I have told her that she can come to our house and visit him as long as she isn't stoned but she doesn't. She never really gets out anymore to go anywhere.

My problem is explaining this to my 3 yr old, especially when he tells me nearly everyday that he is waiting for grandma to come.

Any advice on how to explain this to my 3 yr old?

Answer Question

Asked by tntmom1027 at 7:55 PM on Jul. 13, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 27 (31,955 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I really don't know.. good luck though and here is a bump I hope you find what you are looking for

    Answer by Emmajosmommy at 8:02 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Just tell him grandma's been really busy. And try talking to her again. Tell her that your son loves her and asks about her. You need her to make a little bit of an effort for the sake of you child. Being a mom herslef, she should understand.

    Answer by mlmkjw at 8:03 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Tell him his grandma is getting too old to travel that much now and that if he goes to her house it will make him sick. Tell him that grandma loves him but it may be a little while before he sees her. Try to get her to sober up enough to take her out to eat so he can at least visit with her a little. Maybe she will see what she's missing and stop the foolishness with the pot. If she has to smoke the cigarettes make her do it outdoors when she's around so he isn't near her. This is a tough call. Good luck sweetie.

    Answer by DDWay at 8:07 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • wow! that's pretty tough, but u know what ,u would never make a 3 yr old understand anything" GROWN UP REASONING" So,u pretty much have come up something, "believable 4 his age. Its for Ur kid's own sake. If, grandma does really wanna come & see Ur kid, then, she has to make "the EFFORT to do so"... that if, she wants to be part of Ur son's life. She needs to change her ways & pretty much straighten up her life.Before she can be GRANDMA & around Ur kid. Good luck w/ ya mOmma!

    Answer by inahan at 9:24 PM on Jul. 13, 2011

  • Put him on the phone with her and have her explain why she won't come over, perhaps he can do what you can't when she is directly guilted or hook her up with a SKYPE cam so she can see him but not share the air..or just say Grandma is sick and taking medicine that isn't good for little boys to be around. Uggh. Bumped you because I really hope someone else has a better answer....

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 12:16 PM on Jul. 14, 2011

  • There is no need to put grandma in a bad light with your 3 year old, just keep coming up with excuses that he will be able to understand, good luck!

    Answer by older at 4:34 PM on Jul. 14, 2011

  • Well your doing the right thing protecting your child you have to set the rules and boundaries your mother doesn't see anything wrong with that but she doesn't understand either does your son one day he will .Besides my sister has asthma and she had a bad attackthat almost put her on her death bed when we were young kids it was because it was the fourth of July all that smoke someone lit a ciggerrate that was it.


    Answer by Betutah at 6:37 PM on Jul. 14, 2011

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