Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

can you explain this....?

ok, so i've read a lot of posts/blogs lately aksing about how to deal with a depressed/bi-polar husband. most of the responces i've seen tell the woman to leave him because she doesn't need to deal with his immaturity and selfishness. but the very next question/post/bolg is about a wife dealing with the SAME symptoms, and everyone is telling her what an @$$ and jerk and everything else under the sun her husband is for not supporting her in her time of need.

so my question is why is it OK for a woman to leave because of her husbands mental illness but if a man leaves he is the lowest possible possible scum ever?
it's not just here on CM that i've seen this either, it's pretty much anywhere that has a blog/question section

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:59 PM on Dec. 17, 2008 in Politics & Current Events

Answers (12)
  • it is like this in many things when woman does something its ok if i guy does it its wrong..
    Gay men is wrong yet Lez are ok.
    Guys cheating is wrong but when a lady does it its sad and understanding.
    Females can talk to "guy friends" but dare you s.o to talk to his "female friends"

    IT all as to do with commentent, jellousy, love, and trust...ppl lack all of these. Its sad.
    TG i got a good man who we understand each other.
    mama2twins07

    Answer by mama2twins07 at 10:03 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • LOL -- I have no idea. I hadn't seen those questions yet --- I really need to branch out, I guess.

    I think a spouse should ALWAYS be supportive of things like this... to a point. Some people want help & get it...and it does often take quite a bit of time. That's where that whole "in good times & bad... " comes in. Others, though, just wallow in their misery for years on end w/o seeking help or sticking to a plan to improve.

    There comes a time when you realize you can't save them & they don't want to save themselves. If you stand by them that long... and get to that point... it's time to go to save your own sanity (not to mention the kids if there are any).

    But that goes both way --- man or woman.
    Laura1229

    Answer by Laura1229 at 10:07 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • i agree with you mamma2twins
    i intentionaly asked this question to stir up the pot and make people question their understanding of whats right and whats wrong
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 10:15 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • i tend to think alot if you read a lot of my answers you will see i think A LOT. sometimes it gets me into trouble and i by no means are closed minded lol* i have thought about this b4
    mama2twins07

    Answer by mama2twins07 at 10:17 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • wow! I'm totally amazed that people's advice for a bipolar husband is divorce. How insensitive can people be! My husband is bipolar. My vows said "for better or worse, in sickness and in health" If they didn't want to be married to a bipolar person, they shouldn't have done it in the first place. it's not like bipolar disorder just pops up one day out of the blue, it is a life long condition. Even if he is diagnosed after marriage, like in my case, it didn't change anything! he's still the man I married, he just has a name to go with his problem.

    if a man divorced his wife because she was diagnosed with PPD the women on here would want to lynch him! this is a complete double standard and unfair!
    flutterfae

    Answer by flutterfae at 11:10 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • No, my gut reaction would not be to divorce my husband. I am in this marriage for the long haul. He is my lobster (if you watched Friends, Phoebe..) For people to say that, initially to me comes off as shallow and immature.
    grlygrlz2

    Answer by grlygrlz2 at 11:23 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

  • I am amazed that ppl would say to leave a spouse b/c of ANY medical problem. It just shows tho' how ppl think of everything being disposable if it doesn' fit into their world.
    My DH has been with me thru breast cancer and now a hysterctomy. We know that my cnacer could come back at any time but we are in this till death do us part. he almost died this past year and let me tell you knowing that my jackass could have died nearly killed me!! He's my jerk and if's he's gonna die, it'll be me feeding hin blackeyed peas!!
    WAganma56

    Answer by WAganma56 at 4:47 AM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • Well mental disorders are treated very differently than physical ones. So many people don't even believe that these disorders are real! I think men and women share equal blame in this. I've had several male friends tell me that they wanted to leave their girlfriends because they couldn't handle her clinical depression. I usually yelled at those guys and told them they were acting like assholes and they should try to live in the shoes of someone who HAS one of these debilitating problems... However, I do know that it is extremely stressful to live with someone in that state. I dated a guy who was bipolar. It was very hard for me to understand and, at times, really scary. I din't leave him, though. He left me... while he was manic. There are treatments that work and most people who suffer through this want to be helped.
    Ghostfacebreeda

    Answer by Ghostfacebreeda at 9:44 AM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • Well, it's not. It isn't ok for EITHER person to walk out on a marriage because their spouse is bipolar as long as the spouse is willing to get help for it. Yes it is hard to live with, but you married them and made vows to be there for better or worse, in sickness and in health...Life isn't all a bed of roses and if you're not grown up to enough to handle a bit of adversity, then you have no business getting married in the first place. Life gets HARD sometimes...what you do when it does shows what kind of person you really are. It's easy to be nice, sweet, generous, kind, etc when things are good. It's how you carry yourself when things are bad that tells the real story.
    jespeach

    Answer by jespeach at 10:19 AM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • A friend was married for only about six months when she started cheating. She moved out and asked for a divorce. Her husband committed suicide. Since the divorce hadn't gone through, she inherited everything he owned and collected his life insurance.

    People kept telling me she was "lucky to get out " because he was "mentally ill". It infuriated me. She had been with him for two years before the wedding. If he had problems she couldn't deal with, she shouldn't have married him. The problems didn't suddenly pop up after the wedding. She screwed around but no one except his family saw this as a contributing problem. Perhaps if she hadn't screwed around and had stayed and dealt with it, he would still be alive.

    I'm still pissed about it.
    mancosmomma

    Answer by mancosmomma at 10:26 AM on Dec. 18, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.