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is mental illness a good reason to leave someone?

my SO has severe mental illness to what not sure, but he get angry and i mean angry for no reason and he also has these flash backs that make him blank. although i hadnt seen it his family is concerned cause he went into violent rages at their house. i told him that i dont him at my place that much and dont want him around my kids till he gets help. i care about him and love him to death but i think this is more than i can handle. i want to break it off but part of me feels bad about it cause i know he cant help it. any advice?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:31 AM on Dec. 18, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Your kids come first. And you shouldn't feel bad for your decision because it's not your fault he has issues.
    If he can't get his problem in check you have no choice but to walk away from this guy.

    Answer by Jill42721 at 3:26 AM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • You definitely must put your children's experiences first on your list. A raging grown-up, especially a man and especially in their own home where they should feel always safe, can be very frightening and make a child feel that the whole world is not a safe place. ... And if he really cares about you, then he will understand this and also get some help to be in control and trustworthy before he brings himself around them ... Good Luck !

    Answer by waldorfmom at 12:38 AM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • he hasnt been violent around my kids, just at his parents house. i told him not to come around till he figures this out....i made some typeos

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 AM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • NO because mental illnesses do not just appear one day, that means he had it when you married him, even if he wasn't diagnosed yet. Your vows were for sickness and in health, this includes mental health. If you couldn't handle his disorder, then you should not have gotten married in the first place, but no it's not reason to leave him. Not to mention that if you leave him and he is mentally unstable, he could have a complete mental break down and hurt others or himself.

    now with that said, he DOES need to make the effort to get help. I do not see anything wrong with giving him the ultimatum of "get help or don't come back"


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:06 AM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • Guilt cannot be a motivator for maintaining a relationship. He may not be able to help it, but if you are not able to handle it then it's unfair to both of you to try to continue the relationship.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:20 AM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • ok i dont think they are married she said SO not DH but reguardless if i were you and i loved him i would want to help him get help i would do as you did and not allow him around my children while he was getting that help, I know i am bipolar and have some pretty extreme mood swings (not violent) but my SO has seen the worst of it and has told me he wants to help me through these problems and that he will always be by my side through think and thin for better for worse and we arent even married yet, i mean if he is not willing to seek help and go on meds then yes you need to get out because you need to put your kids first

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 1:31 AM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • There is no reason to endanger yourself or your children. Mental illness can be dangerous if not treated. Telling him not to come around might be what it takes to give him incentive to find help so you did the right thing.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:44 AM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • I didnt read the other answers, but, here is mine. You cannot help someone who does not want help. All you can do is request that they get help, then if they dont and they aren't making progress you have to go on without them. You cannot allow his denial to ruin you life. We are taught to always help those in need... they just forget to put in the clause *to help those who want it!!* Not those who abuse it or dont want it.

    Answer by tigrangl at 4:27 AM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • If he has a Mental Illness, then he most defintely needs to get help. He probaly doesn't see it in himself. But, if you truly love him, then help him. Find a way to get to him and help him get the help he needs. However, if he won't get help then you need to tell him to go to someone and talk about whatever is causing this rage. Maybe by talking to someone else, he might realize he really does have a problem. And, remember to pray to God to find a way to help him, I'm sure God, if you truly believe in him will find a way for you to get him help. May God Bless you in your surch for help!!!!

    Answer by Freda01 at 9:15 AM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • we arent married Answered at 1:06 AM on Dec. 18, 2008 by: Anonymous
    we are just dating but committed and he does not live with me yet

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:31 PM on Dec. 18, 2008