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Sneaking and lying

My 4 almost 5 year old has started sneaking and lying. We have taken privileges away. We have discussed how important it is to be honest in our family. He continues this awful behavior. Is he just not able to grasp the importance of honesty at this age? It happened again this morning. He knows it wrong because as soon as I start to question him, he starts to cry and doesn't want to tell me and then comes out with "mom I was sneaky and you will be disappointed", So he is getting part of it. I am so angry with this child!

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Asked by tomib at 11:53 AM on Dec. 18, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 10 (483 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • What is he lying about? Kids his age have a really big imagination. It also looks like he is afraid of disapointing you, seems maybe scared. make sure you reasure him that you are not mad, and that you just want to know what happened. I think our kids need to know that no matter what they do, good or bad, they can trust enough to tell us what it is. My son is almost 4 and started fibbing a little bit, about small things, like getting a candy out of fridge or something like that. So when I ask him, I ALWAYS tell him, that I am NOT MAD, and that I just want to know if he took it and so forth. I believe in honesty too, but we need to teach them honesty, and trust together. Because really one goes with the other. Good luck, email me if you feel like telling more about this situation.

    Answer by Reggie2 at 7:13 PM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • There was a really good article in the Parenting magazine I got a couple of months ago about lying. Apparently at this age, kids will lie, maybe not huge lies but lies. They don't really understand what lying is, and the article says to explain why lying is wrong, emphasize honesty, and not to make a big deal about it. I hope this helps!

    Answer by Guaranteed at 10:08 PM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • Do not worry my 4 yr. old is doing the same thing. She will blame others for her bad behavior and accidents. She even told her Papaw that I said he was ugly and didn't want to talk to him. It is soo hard to understand. I just tell her she is not being nice and needs to say shes sorry. I try to be as simple as possible for her to understand. She does go extreme and I have to put her in time out. At this age you have to be careful. You must set bounderies! It only gets worse if you do nothing. I believe they want to know how far they can push us.

    Answer by darb4 at 8:01 AM on Dec. 22, 2008

  • Two suggestions:

    1) A lady I worked with said that her policy with her son all through his life was "no penalty for telling the truth." She told him that as long as he told the truth, he would not get in trouble. She said this worked really well, though I haven't tried it fully myself.

    2) If you are into Veggie Tales there is a great episode about lying called something like "Larry Boy and the Fib from Outer Space" all about Junior Asparagus telling a small lie that grows into a huge fib (that ultimately tries to destroy the whole town). My daughter was really able to grasp the idea of lying and the consequences after watching this several times.

    Answer by B.Wright at 12:52 PM on Dec. 29, 2008

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