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My husband and I have been growing apart for sometime now, I have found a guy that is/or seems perfect for me.. what do I do?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:36 PM on Jun. 19, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Do you still love your husband because if you do maybe its time for therapy. For the other relationship I wouldn't jump into anything too quickly until you figure out what you want with your husband! That will cause doubt later on in that relationship, trust me I know that feeling.

    Answer by Babyduche at 1:37 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • Uh... Don't act rashly. Look at all the pros and cons of breaking up with your current man and/or cheating on him. If the pros are more than the cons you need to then evaluate your relationship with this other man. You need to ask yourself if you really are into him or if he's just something that breaks your boredom. If the cons are more than the pros you probably need to seek counselling.

    Answer by QueenWeibchen at 1:38 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • This is a hard question. To me, marriage is a forever promise, through good times and bad, so this reason is not a reason to cheat or leave your husband. Since I am not there, I don't know what the "growing apart" means to you, but I think you need to re-evaluate the pros of the relationship. Sometimes cousoling, therepy or some good talking and trying to rekindle the romance can help. I say seek help and guidance from a cleryperson or pastor. It is NEVER ok to cheat.

    Answer by metalmomma25 at 1:42 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • Leaving is easy, but you won't always have the opportunity to do the right thing and make your marriage work! Your "perfect guy" is only perfect because you haven't been with him for any length of time as no one is perfect and when vows are taken, the taking for granted starts. You need to be honest with your husband that you're feeling the distance in your marriage, that you need to rekindle the romance in your relationship and that the two of you need to make an effort. You can't do that if you're giving your part of the effort somewhere else! If he's not interested and wants out of the relationship, then you can be free to pursue someone else, not before. More thank anything, pray for God's will in your life!

    Answer by Dani726 at 1:43 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • Growing apart is not a reason to fall in love with another man. I have been married and divorced to three different men, believe me none of them were what I thought I had fallen in love with. I am now married again for the 4th time - almost 5 years now, longest out of the other 3 marriages. I have had to learn to look at myself and what I was doing to contribute to the situation, I always thought I could just leave if I wasn't happy. That is wrong thinking and it has serious consequenses, which I have sowed over the last 10 years or so...

    Answer by BreakingFree at 2:10 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • I would find someone you can trust to talk with (a woman, not a man) someone that has basically a good marriage, start picking her brain, maybe she can provide some insight into what is going on really with the two of you. If not that, then at least go to your husband and be honest with him about this other man, it is deceitful to do this without him knowing about it, think about how you would feel if he did that to you and you had no clue it was happening. I would stop all the communication with the other man until you have an honest conversation with you husband. Chances are he is struggling with you just as you are with him. It might be that you 2 can find a way to stay together and get some help with your marriage. Honesty is always the best policy, especially when one's trust is hanging in the balance.

    Answer by BreakingFree at 2:10 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • I've been married for 13 years and am at that point as well, with no man involved though. For me the addition of our sons ages 2&4 has really been a challenge. We have a total of 4 kids!!! My husband is in sales, so that adds to the situation. I do think, however, that situations should be addressed given all the variables. I also strongly believe that as Americans we tend to devalue marriage and call it quits way too quickly. Marriage in subject to being reinventing and a renaissance of our marriages is all a part of that evolution. Don't throw in the towel. That "wonderful,other man" is usually only so wonderful beacuse you are feeling so negative about your marriage. Communicate, communicate... go back to those things you used to do. Don't know the author, but a great book you can get from an Ebay or Amazon is called Light His Fire. It's a start. Marriages are most often not 50/50. Best Wishes. Believe in your marriage, believe in you!!!!

    Answer by jojomomuv at 6:07 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • Slow's not good to go straight from one relationship to another. You have to deal with your marriage first, whether you decide to get divorced or try to work it out, that's up to you, but you really shouldn't get involved in another relationship until you have this one seattled. Not judging...just trying to give you the benefit of my own experience!!

    Answer by robinann5 at 12:02 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • I am in that exact same situation. I ask my self all day everyday, wtf am I gonna do. No matter what I chose someone will get hurt!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 PM on Jun. 28, 2008

  • I'm in the same situation, and the only reason that I don't leave is b/c of my kids. And also I'm afraid of the whole separation process, just the thought of it make me sick in my stomach.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:23 PM on Jul. 10, 2008

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