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Custody/Christmas help needed

I have my daughter every other week: my week falls on Christmas. Usually we split Christmas up, one of us has her Christmas eve, one of us has her Christmas day. Her father has been a real jerk about us having her on our specified weeks and has not let me have her one extra day for family things or camping stuff. He is expecting me to give her to him early during my week. Then I will not get her back for a week and a half during her Christmas break. He is "thinking" about re-enlisting in the military so he is using that as his excuse to have her longer. I really want to be able to spend part of her break with her. What should I do? Just to let you know, I do not think he is going to re-enlist... I believe he is using it as a tactic to get her for Christmas during my week when he was so mean about not letting us have her this summer twice.

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Asked by alalsip at 5:43 PM on Dec. 18, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (8)
  • Whatever your original arrangement was that is what you should stick to. Don't let him use her or his career as a pawn.

    Answer by coala at 5:46 PM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • You should go to court or mediation and get a specific custody order. That way there is no arguing. We have my stepdaughter every other weekend, every other Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years/Easter, always on my DH birthday, and every month that she is off track or out of school we get her for one week out of that month. Also, if the weekend that she is to be with us falls on a 3 day weekend, we get her that 3rd day as well. We even have travel arrangements and time arrangements. We pick her up, her mother takes her home. We pick up Friday's at 7:30pm and her mother picks her up Sundays @ 5:00. No arguments!!

    Answer by goinginsane1 at 5:53 PM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • I would stick to your guns. If it's in writing what days you get her and what days he gets her, then that's just tough sh*t for him. My ex has been trying to pull the same things with the holidays. Stick to your guns and tell him to get over it. Worse come to worse, don't return her early on your weeks, and don't give in to what he wants...........if that's a problem for him let him take you to court over it.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 5:55 PM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • If he wants to be a stickler for following the rules, then by all means, follow the rules. It's your week; keep her. When he says something, just tell him he's the one who insisted on following the rules, and remind him of when he wouldn't let you have her. What's he going to do? Go cry to the judge that he screwed you and so now you're doing it back to him? As for re-enlisting, I'd tell him that if he actually does it, you would be happy to discuss allowing him some extra time before he leaves. But not just b/c he's "thinking" about it.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:16 PM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • How old is your daughter first of all? I understand what these other woman are saying (my son spends every other weekend with his dad and its a pain in the a** when he suddenly changes things), but if she is old enough to understand whats going on then don't subject her to this. All it takes is him twisting one thing and you look like the bad guy in her eyes. If she is older then be the bigger person this one time. Schedule an appointment with a lawyer and get things set in stone down to the second. Keep detailed notes of everything that happens. If you have to, laminate a copy of the custody agreement and frame it for him to get your point across, but don't let him turn you into the bad guy in front of her. If she is younger, then just tell him NO. But I still recommend going to court asap. -child of divorce

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:28 PM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • Thank you for your answers. I think I will talk to my daughter first. She is 8 years old and smart enough to understand. No matter what, I will make sure to get the same amount of time with her for break as I should be allowed too. He can have her for Christmas (starting Weds Night) if that is her decision, but I will get her back the next week on Weds night then. He can spend a week with her just like our court order says, but I will get my time just like the court order says. I guess that is what will be fair.

    Answer by alalsip at 10:03 PM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • I have a dd whom I share custody of with her father. I try to let her decide when there are times such as this. I don't know how old your child is, but maybe you could talk to him/her and she what they would want.'s all about the happiness of the child.

    Answer by robinann5 at 12:16 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • I think you should ask the child... I hated being at my dads as a child so staying longer would have made me miserable.

    Answer by dtetz at 11:11 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

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