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Totally stressed out mom.... what should I do??

I am a sahm of almost 4 kids ( the fourth will be here in March. I have an eight year old boy a three year old boy and a 18 month old girl. In the past few months my house has gone from insanity ( which I can handle ) to anger fighting talking back and so much I don't know how much more I can handle. My eight year old and 3 year old share a room and recently my oldest has gotten very VERY mouthy and argues with me about everything.. he beats up his younger brother and is just down right nasty and I have tried punishing him taking things away nothing works and my younger two are acting just like him now I am so stressed by this whole mess I have broken down in tears many nights and my husband just yells at them ( which of course makes it worse) I've tried talking to my oldest but he won't even talk to me ... this is a MAJOR change from just months ago

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tiredmom4grrr

Asked by tiredmom4grrr at 8:42 PM on Dec. 18, 2008 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I know of a GREAT book that you might find some good ideas in... it's written by a Christian, so I don't know how you would feel about that..... if you are interested in learning the title and author's name please send me a message =)
    dedicatedrider

    Answer by dedicatedrider at 8:44 PM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • I'm afraid that I don't have suggestions. But I wanted you to know that someone is listening to you. I am sorry that you are having such a very rough time. Is there any way you could take a break for a day? Get out and do some shopping around, have a quiet meal in a restaurant? As far as the behavior problems. Perhaps the child is having some trouble at school. Maybe you should ask the teacher. Be sure to praise when things are done right, even little things.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:49 PM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • Bmat - copy that on the school.

    What do his teachers say? Have you talked to his doctor?

    When he is asleep, you need to sit down with your husband and go over the behaviors that you've seen and how they have changed from three months, six months, whenever. Maybe he has some insight.

    The physical violence needs to stop. It's one thing to roughhouse, but bullying/beating up younger siblings is NOT ok.

    Also - take care of yourself. Schedule regular time AWAY from the house (and unless there's blood involved, don't ask your husband what happened while you were gone). Take your vitamins, lean on your friends, and know that you are not alone.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 8:57 PM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • I mean when your SON is asleep, talk to your husband.

    (My fat fingers type too fast and that sentence is looking wonky to me now).
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 8:57 PM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • I have talked to his teacher and she says his attitude has changed at school also... he's become defiant of her. I can't really get away from the house as my husband works from 3 pm until midnight and I also cannot drive. I have talked to my son's father ( who is not my husband) about this and he basically ignores it or gets mad at me for "making" him be the bad guy.... but my son listens to his dad and doesn't pull this with him.. I am honestly beginning to think I am just a horrible mother and don't know what to do about any of it thank you for everyone's support it feels good to know that someone is listening
    tiredmom4grrr

    Answer by tiredmom4grrr at 9:25 PM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • I would mabey see if there is someone uninvolved that your son can talk to. Mabey a school counselor, or a "big brother" kind of thing. Someone he may feel comfortable talking about his problems etc. My first thoughts were tht mabey he is just overwhelmed. Big brother has another baby coming. Mom is stressed, Dad is yelling at him all the time (I saying that coming from a 8 year old). Mabey he needs a break too?
    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 9:40 PM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • Absolutely keep talking to the school. If he's having behavior problems at school, they may be able to help.

    My son had developed some serious behavior issues over the past year and a half or so. At first we thought he was acting out in grief over losing both of his grandparents. But it kept going on and on...so the school psychologist and other specialists evaluated him and determined he has Apserger's Syndrome. They took some special steps to help him, including working with a resource specialist, speech therapy and teaching him coping techniques. He's a different child this year.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:49 PM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • i think the yelling that the kids are presenting to you is their way of interpreting how they need to act to get things across that they feel - since it sounds like this is the way Dad handles things the kids think its how they should - are there times where you find yourself doing nothing but yelling?
    I am 38 weeks and my stress level had hit an all time high - with being pregnant. taking care of the house, working full time, having a 3yr old to take care of - and i found that all i was ever doing was screaming, i took a step back ( and its not an easy road to follow ) but i have reduced my yelling pretty darn good and my DD seems to be behaving much better ... the kids react to and copy their surroundings.
    take a step back and look at it from an outsiders view - who started the yelling? who is copying it? and how do we fix it?
    vakatia

    Answer by vakatia at 11:40 PM on Dec. 18, 2008

  • If this is a huge and abrupt change something my be going on with him. Try a counselor-hope it turns out ok.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 2:41 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • On a side note - WHY don't you drive?

    Everyone needs to know how to drive safely.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 3:11 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

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