Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

My husband has joint physical custody of his children and is deployed, he gave me his consent to visit the children but his ex wife got a protection order on me to keep me from the kids , how can we fight this?

When my husband and his ex divorced and she got a vehicle awarded that she was supposed to take possession of and make the payments and make it hers with him having no financial obligations, rights to,etc. Well, here is it 4 years down the road and my husband and I go to get another vehicle only to find that the vehicle is still in my husbands name and she has never made the payments on time and she would go months without paying it while she was on vacations with her various live in boyfriends. My husband recently got deployed and up till he left I have been with his three children 4, 5, and 8 every Tuesday - Sunday and sometimes longer which brought the kids and I really close and we had a great relationship going. Upon my husbands deployment he made me his POA and told me to get the vehicle situation taken care of so we could work on his credit so we could buy a house , another car and start our lives out financially better off when he comes home. We had started getting phone calls when we got a new phone from the finance company who has the loan for the van so I emailed her a total of 3 times which I have printed out on both ends of the conversation and I asked her very politely when she was going to be getting the vehicle out of my husbands name so that we can work on improving his credit, she instantly flew back saying that I was not to contact her and that I was to stay away from her kids, three days later I get slapped with a protection order. Prior to this, I had spoken to an attorney here in town about our case and us taking her to court over the vehicle and my visitation which is granted by my husband while he is gone, needless to say the attorney called her and told her everything and then on top of it all when I showed up to court there he sat to represent her and I had worked so much I didn't have time to find an attorney but had I not worked 6 12 hour shifts lacking sleep from the night before court I would have realized how dirty this all seemed but none the less she was granted the order claiming that she didn't know me and feared I would hurt or take off with my step children..This is where it gets to showing her reasons.. She has had 4 different men living in her house amongst the children that she meets at bars.. the first week of November there was one guy living there and by Thanksgiving there was a new guy and he has been on the list to pick the kids up from school. he takes them places by himself, they even left the kids at his parents house three hours away and yet she claims she felt the kids would be in danger because she doesn't know me??? Hmmmm. Another thing is that she had always told the kids that they could have two moms and two dads and they know what the term step-mom/dad means, and that was all fine until the kids started calling me mom then she flipped a switch and started making things difficult.hence the irrational way she is using the kids as pawns in her games not only with me but my husband as well. When he calls to talk to the kids, her boyfriend answers and when she answers she is in the background while he talking with the kids telling them to tell their daddy what "Mr.Moon" (her live in) did with them, tell daddy what Mr.Moon got for you , and asked my husband if it is hot where he is and when he answered yes, she replied with telling him to enjoy his heat that she was taking off work early and her and her live in were going to go spend the day with her kids.. The kids always ask why I don't come see them or call them and it tears my husband up that she did this over my asking her to take responsibility of something she was supposed to have done years ago..This girl is an accountant and yet can't pay her bills but goes on vacations every time she switches men? Not only that she dropped the van off to get repossessed not telling us she was doing that and I had to go get it and now we have a 500 dollar van note sitting in our driveway and all we can do is wait for the court order to go through giving her 30 days to pay the full amount owed on it.Sorry this is all out of order, I have had this bottled up and I have no idea what I need to do, I am supposed to be starting law school but I am afraid that this protection order she got will mess up my background check making me fail a background check..for being a wife and a good step mom..to a womans kids who obviously has mental issues..What can I do? I live in Kansas and my husband and I are calling attorneys and trying to get something done as we speak but is or has any other step mom been through this?

Answer Question
 
CNoonan10

Asked by CNoonan10 at 2:54 AM on Jul. 20, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (36)
  • Its a hard situation honestly it is, I can understand why your frustrated but the problem is legally you probably do not have any rights, it is your husband that has joint custody of his children and thats probably why she got the order through court, I think many parents would be uncomfortable sending their child to the other parents house when the other parent is not there. How she chooses to live her life and how many partners she has really has nothing to do with you, and it would be irrelevant in the case, I dont think its good for the kids, but by the amount of times you bought it up it seems like you are quite judgemental about it, I hope the kids are not getting stuck in the middle. Do you really not know eachother at all?? i think I would be uncomfortable with my child being with someone I didnt know at all, have you all not made the effort to meet etc.......IDK I can understand both sides of the story. Good Luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:07 AM on Jul. 20, 2011

  • The thing is is that she does know me,my husband and I are always together and I have been at every event, pick up/drop off, etc..and the reason I bring up her live in is because she feels it is ok for her to give her live ins rights to the kids but my husband can't give me as his wife rights? She is being biast by what seems to be how the men make her feel in bed over the stability of her kids. The kids have had so many men yanked out of their lives, that they had grown to know that they asked me if I was going to leave them too..The only stability they have is when they are with us, she spends an hour a day tops with the kids, the rest of the time they are at her parents or with us and now she wants to look like mom of the year?.. Sorry if I seem judgemental but when did everyone throw out christian values, morals, and teaching the kids how they should live and how to have stable relationships in life?
    CNoonan10

    Comment by CNoonan10 (original poster) at 3:18 AM on Jul. 20, 2011

  • Wait, you said your DH had EVERY Tuesday through Sunday? Or is it every other? If it's EVERY, then it seems that your DH had primary, correct? If so, he needs to file paperwork for a modification that will allow you to maintain his visitation while he is deployed, as the children are more accustomed to being with you and DH than their mother. If the children went from seeing her on Mondays to seeing her every day, that transition is going to be HARD on them!

    As for the car, try to get it where she has to pay ANY fees you all had to pay due to her negligence, including court and attorney fees!
    laird6372

    Answer by laird6372 at 3:56 AM on Jul. 20, 2011

  • Yes, we have had them Every week and sometimes two weeks at a time and they were excited about getting to come see me while their dad was away whic. We have horses and other animals they had gotten attached to and would help with feedings, baths, etc so their life here had become something they looked forward to every visit. They would run to me with open arms every time we'd go pick them up and I miss them especially now my husband is deployed. He had written a letter granting me his visitation while he is deployed but we are just learning about the paperwork he can file so we are hoping it wil cancel out this order on me.. Their court papers state that she is responsible for paying all attorney costs for failing to comply with the divorce agreement and all we are asking is for her to pay for the cost of the van so we no longer have it ruining his credit ad we can move on..She already has gotten served so we are just waiting.
    CNoonan10

    Comment by CNoonan10 (original poster) at 4:06 AM on Jul. 20, 2011

  • – collapse
    I would not leave my kids with u unless there daddy was there. If you had kids of your own then you would understand the mother decision. Her personal life is non of your buisness......
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 4:13 AM on Jul. 20, 2011 (hidden) + expand

  • The part that I don't get is the lawyer. When you talked to the lawyer was he already representing her? If you had consulted with that lawyer about this case then he was not allowed to represent her at all by law. So you can get the protection order tossed out. It was a conflict of interest even of you hadn't retained him but just consulted with him. It would be exactly the same if she contacted him and then he talked to you. Either way, what he did was unethical and he can get in trouble with the bar.
    HollyBoBolly

    Answer by HollyBoBolly at 4:15 AM on Jul. 20, 2011

  • I am fighting for custody as a SM also. It is not easy. I think you may have a case against the skeevy lawyer that switched sides. You must get a lawyer and continue to persue BM in court. If you can't afford one than talk to your DH's command. The military provides lawyers, referrals(with discounts!), and legal assistance to all active duty military. Your husband should talk to his chaplain. He can get sent home temporarily or permanently (without being redeployed if he has completed 70% of this deployment) for family emergencies! Many states have laws to protect service members in custody suits. Most judges back up the service members! You have lost one battle, but not the war. Do not give up! Pick yourself up and get back in the fight! You can still win this!
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 9:08 AM on Jul. 20, 2011

  • He can not grant you his visitation with just a letter. You may be able to use the letter to get the court to grant you some visitation though. As for the order it should be tossed because of the unethical behavior of the attorney. You need to gather proof you where talking to him and thought he was your attorney. Than sue him. He will get disbarred and probably have to pay you more than enough to cover any further actions you have to take against the bio mom for visitations and the cost to pay off the van. Taking her to court to pay for the van is not going to do anything she has proven she is not going to pay for it even if it is court ordered. If it was court ordered that she pays for it you should not have to take her back to court. You should be taking that court order to the bank that holds the loan (or fax them a copy). They are the ones breaking the law by putting it on your husbands credit if the court Cont

    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 9:19 AM on Jul. 20, 2011

  • has said that he is not the one financially responsible. Get the first court order to the bank holding the loan on the van. Than get an attorney that will help sue the first one and see if he can help you get a little bit of visitation. It may not be the amount of visitation you want but it could be something.

    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 9:21 AM on Jul. 20, 2011

  • The attorney you called, called the EX wife and decided to be her attorney? I am pretty sure that is unethical, contact your sate bar association. I would try the court attempt again, tell him that the SK are asking their Dad while you won't come see them. Don't give up, if she decides to be too crappy have hubby go after full custody when he gets home. And don't let any BMs here tell you you are wrong those kids have every right to see you as they have since you have been around.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 9:21 AM on Jul. 20, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.