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I so want a divorce!!

I DO NOT love my husband anymore, do not have any feelings for him, do not want intimacy, do not feel anything when he touches me. I don't know why I feel this way. He is a good husband and a good dad to our 3 year old. I guess maybe it's because he does not help around the house at all, does not like having people over, does not try to get close to my family (even care), does not want to try things, nothing is good enough for him. I am bored out of my mind. It all started when I thought he had an affair but there was no evidence to support what I thought. And it was down hill after that time. He thinks I'm happy because I hide it well but I am dying inside. All I think about is getting a divorce but I worry about my son and I really don't want to hurt him. How can I ask him to separate? I have not gone to counseling and honestly do not care if we work it out or not. I just don't care anymore.

 
Prwdmommy

Asked by Prwdmommy at 8:46 PM on Jul. 13, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • It's a little odd, because it sounds like you were happy until you suspected him of an affair. After you suspected him of an affiar you couldn't get over it, even though there was no proof, and started noticing all the things that are wrong with him and fell out of love with him. It sounds like you really believe that he DID have the affair. What if he didn't? Can you remember how you felt about him before the suspected affair and try to work on things? If you can't, then you just need to be open with him and let him know your feelings. Divorce is one of the worst things for kids though. For the sake of your son, you should at least try counseling. You never know, it may work wonders, and you might even get your old feelings back.
    ShammyShell

    Answer by ShammyShell at 10:25 PM on Jul. 13, 2008

  • my friend went through this last year. she kinda just snapped one day and told him she wanted a divorce. the way i see it hun, hes gonna be hurt. he thinks ur happy, it will be a huge shock to him when u say u wanna seperate. i would just do it fast, like a bandaid, but let him know that u think that he is a terrific father, maybe he wont have to worry about u taking the kid away from him.
    kissmiss213

    Answer by kissmiss213 at 8:51 PM on Jul. 13, 2008

  • Maybe you could try some marriage counseling, you might be feeling this way because of the fear that he has done something to betray you. It might be a smart way of protecting yourself from more pain in the future but make sure that love is no longer around. A seperation for a short time where you both agree not to see other people will help, but one thing for sure is that toughing it out for your son won't help. He is young enough, and I am certain smart enough, to know that you both love him. It is actually easier for a young child to adjust to these types of changes and I wish you the best. Sorry that you are having to even deal with this and again I wish you the best of luck.
    wondermommy5

    Answer by wondermommy5 at 9:07 PM on Jul. 13, 2008

  • Everybody goes through their tough times! Through good times and bad... right! I am not trying to say no don't do it or anything like that. You need to talk to him. Go see counsouler... do something besides bottle it up inside of you. He can't read your mind! Take a weekend to yourself... try other options before divorce. See if some of your family will take your son and go away with him for a weekend... add some spice... Do something besides act happy. TALK TO HIM!
    Coastiegirl96

    Answer by Coastiegirl96 at 9:18 PM on Jul. 13, 2008

  • Well, I guess if you don't care anymore then something must be done... It's really not fair to either or you.. However... please remember that whats done is done.. Someday you might look back and wonder if you did the right thing... Being bored, does not mean there is anything wrong.. just that you are falling into a "marriage"... What's wrong in our society is that TV makes it seem that everything always has to be exciting, new, fresh... the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence... What happens when you meet someone else and they don't necessarily treat your son the way his father would? No one loves a child more than his or her own parent... Please don't give up.....
    pupmom

    Answer by pupmom at 9:41 PM on Jul. 13, 2008

  • Well as for just not feeling anything for him, love is a choice not a feeling in my book. In other words, I choose to love my husband when i do things for him and love is not only about ME feeling good (it's about serving him when it doesn't feel good to me).
    TXdanielly

    Answer by TXdanielly at 10:27 PM on Jul. 13, 2008

  • I believe love is a feeling, not a choice or a decision, the heart feels, the mind chooses. You have to be true to yourself. And from personal experience, children are incredibly resilient. Be honest with yourself, with your husband, and if it is meant to be.. you can try to work out. I don't believe in being subservient either, a marriage is a union with two equal partners, drawing on each other strengths to compensate for weaknesses. It does take two, not one catering to the others needs and ignoring your own.
    s.c.a.r.l.e.t.

    Answer by s.c.a.r.l.e.t. at 11:07 PM on Jul. 13, 2008

  • Sometimes marriages dont work. It really wouldnt matter if you went through marriage counseling or not, if you dont want to be there, and your heart isnt it, then it is time to go. He may be a better and more attentive father after the divorce or separation. From your question, it seems as if you really didnt know where to go next. If you want to try and live apart for a while, then downsize and move into a place big enough for you and your son. By doing this you will see what it is like to really live on your own, and to see how you feel once you are apart. You may find yourself loving him again, but make your choice. Dont string him along because you arent sure. Once you have taken the time to ponder your decision, then make sure he knows your choice. Being up front is always best.
    taracv

    Answer by taracv at 12:25 AM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • First off get it out of your system and tell him straight up what's up and how you feel and why. Some of the non feelings you have is from your anger over all that is bottled up. That needs to come out. At least give the man a chance to fix some of it and make things better but he can't if you won't tell him there is a problem. Then if that doesn't work just tell him this isn't working and you want out. Baby steps. But unblock the dam so the communication can flow. It can't be fixed if he doesn't know it's broke!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:25 AM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • DONT DO IT! my parents are both devorced the problem is the custody of your son thats not only gonna be hard on you, its gonna be hard on him, hes only 3, i was only 6, loosing your dad at a young age is hard, i get to see my dad but he has to work so much because he has to pay my mom child support and my dad can barely pay there mortgage, its tough for me and my brother because we have to choose our dads side or our moms side which is really hard for both of us. you need to go on a second honeymoon, go to where you had your first date, rekindle the sparks you once had if your bored dont just sit there and act happy tell him how you feel what you need emotionally and physically, serious i bet you guys will stay together all you need to do is communicate, talk to him ask him what he likes to do, then go do it, then he'll maybe return the favor and do something with you that you like and maybe he'll like it too, if you need any more advice email me lioneye1@hotmail.com
    idonthavefear93

    Answer by idonthavefear93 at 4:46 AM on Jul. 14, 2008

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