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how do i help with this?

my soon to be ex husband left me middle of last month for good. he went to prision for beating me up and has since made no effort to see our son. i call him and text him and send him messages about seeing john (our son) and i get nothing, i dont know how to just let that go. i dont know what to say to him to make him help me or want to see our baby. anysuggestions or ways to cope?

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flying8balls21

Asked by flying8balls21 at 12:16 AM on Dec. 19, 2008 in Relationships

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • As far as helping you money wise....court ordered Child support.


    Do you trust him with your child since he already had anger issues? I'm not sure I would want him to have unsupervised visitations.

    Southerncharmes

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 12:18 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • Why are you so hell bent on having him around? If he beat you up, you should take your baby and run for the hills! Women beaters are likely to be child beaters too. Why would you want your son exposed to that? I'm not trying to be mean, just sayin..... maybe it was a blessing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:20 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • How old is your child? You can't make him want to have anything to do with his child. It's truly sad, but it is HIS loss. A child is a blessing, and if he can't see that then he is the one missing out. It may be better to let it go, then when your child is old enough to understand, explain to him that his daddy loves him very much, but he had things he had to work out and he wasn't able to be around.

    I'm sorry you're haivng to deal with this. Feel free to pm me if you need to just talk. I've never dealt with this, but I'm a pretty good listener. (or in this case, a good reader. lol.)
    renea20

    Answer by renea20 at 12:21 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • he aparently has other issues now too.....he's 21 so he's still young, but rather than wanting to spend time with his son, he'd rather be drinking and partying every weekend. i want to nix this in the butt before i have to try to explain to my son later in life why daddy didnt love him enough to be around. he can be a father to his son without being married to me. as for child support, hearing is in january. i got that covered.
    flying8balls21

    Answer by flying8balls21 at 12:21 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • My husband grew up without a father (father didnt really give a darn about him). So he never saw him but maybe once a year. My husband grew up to be one of the best men around and will be one of the best fathers around cause he does not want his soon to be baby girl to grow up like he grew up. If your soon to be ex decides not to be a part of his life, he will be okay as long as he has a strong mother to support him. Hang in there and I hope things work out for the best.
    vickwu

    Answer by vickwu at 12:22 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • My son has not seen his father in over 3 years. When he would see our son it was never consistent, and that would hurt my little guy so much. I have had to answer the question "Why doesn't my dad love me enough to want to see me?" more than once. My response is always the same, "Your father is not making good decisions right now". That has always satisfied my son, the hardest part for me is keeping a calm, even tone because it breaks my heart.
    Good luck to you and your baby.
    indigostone

    Answer by indigostone at 12:34 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • "i want to nix this in the butt before i have to try to explain to my son later in life why daddy didnt love him enough to be around."

    Is that truly worse than having to explain why daddy went to prison or why you're no longer married?

    The ex doesn't want a relationship. He could very well end up hurting your baby. And his youth is NOT an excuse.

    Get the child support ducks in order and then move on. NO dad is better than a bad dad.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:39 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • I'd say you may have an answer. The guy doesn't want to see the lad. How old is your son?? Please don't think me harsh, I'd say move on. If a guy comes along you want to date, let the chips fall. K?
    Springtadpole2

    Answer by Springtadpole2 at 2:10 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • Don't force anything except for child support... your child will grow up hating him if he doesn't take part in his life... and that the dads fault. But a guy like that kind of deserves to be hated anyways. A little boy probably wouldn't of liked his dad anyway growing up watching him beat on his mom.
    dtetz

    Answer by dtetz at 11:32 PM on Dec. 20, 2008

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