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SHOULD I GET A DIVORCE OR NOT

I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 8YRS AND MY HUSBAND HAS SPENT 90% OF OUR RELATIONSHIP IN PRISON..I WENT AS FAR STARTING ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP BUT SCARRED TO GET A DIVORCE BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA BE ALONE.THIS RELATIONSHIP ISN'T PROMISED TO LAST FOREVER BUT ME AND MY HUSBAND AREN'T TOGETHER BUT AGREED TO STAY MARRIED FOR THE KIDS..WE'VE TALKED ABOUT DIVORCE AND HE'S LIKE HE I'M NOT GOING TO BE WITH HIM HE'LL JUST MOVE OUT OF STATE AND PAY HIS CHILD SUPPORT, MY KIDS LOVE THERE DAD AND IF I MOVE ON, I FEEL LIKE MY KIDS WILL BLAME ME FOR NOT TRYING TO KEEP THERE DAD IN THERE LIVES..MY OLDEST HAS BEEN WAITING ALMOST 6YRS FOR DAD TO COME HOME AND I HATE TO BE THE ONE THAT MESSES THAT UP BECAUSE MY SON HAS BEEN THREW ALOT IN THESE LAST COUPLE YEARS LOSING ALL THE MALES THAT HE WAS CLOSE TO HIM, SO IF FEEL THIS WILL BREAK HIM

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:57 AM on Dec. 19, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • as a child i was like your kids my daddy was in jail most of his life (he died at 32) most of the memories i have of my dad are him in prison or jail..its not a pleasurable memory..i think it would be better psycologically (sp) if you just part your ways and if and when he gets out of prison you should DISCUSS visitation....

    I dont want to pry but being in jail that long means you did something pretty naughty..and you have to think desite the fact that he is their Father what kind of roll modle is he really being in jail for crimes..i dont want to judge just want you to think over a few things...PM me and let me know if you want any more advice from the childs perspective...
    connorsmom22607

    Answer by connorsmom22607 at 8:13 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • Been there, done that. Hun, it's time to be honest with the kids. Everyone in life has and makes choices. Some good and some not so good. The dad here is skipping out (at least he pays support) but you cannot keep deceiving your kids into thinking that dad's coming home any day now. This is a lie to yourself and them. Let them know that YOU are here with them and that YOU are NOT GOING ANYWHERE (away from them). Kids are pretty vulnerable in the first place and if you keep shielding them from the truth - they will not only resent you for it, but also never believe anything you say.

    Time for the truth Momma! It is hurtful - but keeping it from them is only throwing more gas on the fire, hoping to put it out - doesn't make any sense. I have told my kids that their dad's could have chosen to do things differently but that for whatever reason, he didn't. They are glad that I have been honest with them.
    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 7:05 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • I agree wiht the first answer. Hes gone. Hes not there and your son is still going to hurt because of the absence of his father. You and him being married isn't going to make that all better. If youre ready to move on, then move on. I hope that he hasn't expected you to sit around waiting for him. As far as your kids are concerned...the damage is done. Hes been there a long time. I would find some good counseling and support for them to talk about how they feel. They will always love their dad. Thats wonderful, but it doesn't mean you have to be with him. THere are some good things to come out of this. You might find a new relationship and someone to help be a role model in your kids lives. I hope that happens, but remember to choose carefully. This is as much about them as it is about you. Good luck.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:58 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • I'm sorry, but staying together for the sake of the kids is the WORST thing to do. Absolutely the WORST.

    The second worst thing is to be in a relationship just because you're afraid of being alone.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:22 AM on Dec. 19, 2008