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How involved are your kids grandparents in their lives?

My late MIL was as involved as she could be given her age and health... she always agreed to watch Ashton with no time limit, over night stays and coming to visit each week until her health gave out on her... my mom however, says he's her pride and joy, but is quite a bit more stingy with her time... she only watches him once or twice every 2-3 months, then she'll say drop him off at this time and pick him up at this time.... she says it nicely, but when hubby and I plan something it makes it difficult to have fun and watch the clock... After saying she would "try" to come to my sons holiday program she didn't show... she only lives 20 min away... My neighbors mom comes anytime and she lives over an hour away!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:30 AM on Dec. 19, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (22)
  • Unfortunately my MIL passed away four years ago and our first son was born in September, but I know that if she was around she would be here all the time! My parents live in Florida and we're in NY so it'll be hard but my parents will come visit here at least once a year and we go down there every winter so I guess twice a year is better than nothing. I know it's killing my mom not being here so I think they'll be moving back up here eventually, which would be great.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • Why is it assumed that everyone is going to want to be devoted to children as much as the parents themselves? There is nothing inappropriate in what your mother is doing.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 10:34 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • as involved as they can be my mother and father are both ill and neither one can drive i get up there when it is possible for me to take her to the store and such. my mil is in good health but she doesn't drive either so i do the same for her. they see the baby when i am there. but as for babysittin my mother and father can hardly pick her up and my father has a hard time walking so no i would never have them do it for the safety of all. and mil could probably do it but my daughter is soo strong willed and spoiled i dont think grandma could deal lol
    jodi205

    Answer by jodi205 at 10:35 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • My parents were not involved in my children's life. My father lived in CA while we lived in KY. My mother lived in the same town but was too busy with her life and got upset if I ever asked her to babysit so I tried not to unless it was an emergency. I tried to be a better grandparent. I'm not into babysitting all the time but will do it sometimes. Older people's nerves are not what they used to be when they were young! I do try to call, email or send cards to the grandkids just to let them know I think of them. Most live out of state. Some grandparents need a break from child watching after rearing their own children. Some want to afford the next generation the opportunity to rear their children without interference. No matter what type you have, just appreciate that you have them. My parents are dead now and even though they contributed little to my children's upbringing I still miss them.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:36 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • My parents live two streets away. My Dad *loves* getting to see his grandkids and comes over once a week - during the day on his day off - usually takes the kids to the park, an open gym, or something. It's great - I get some me time.. which usually ends up being my doctor appointments. My Mom, on the other hand, barely ever wants the kids over without me there. She huffs and puffs if I ask her to watch the kids so my husband and I can get a "date night" or some time alone. My kids are two and four and I can count on one hand the "dates" he and I have had in the last two years. She says she doesn't want to raise anymore kids, its just not enjoyable to her to babysit them..etc. *shrug* I know she's not obligated, I wish she enjoyed it more - but what can you do?
    Serafyna

    Answer by Serafyna at 10:37 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • My SO's dad live less than two miles away and has only seen our girls less than half a dozen times never really offers ANYTHING. He's never seen our new place and we've been here almost 8 mo. Then my mom lives 15 min. away she comes and visits and everything usually when she wants something and she's on my side of town she'll stop in. But the last time she took either of the girls was at least 6 mo. ago. And she is SUPER stingy with her time. We usually go out of our way to try and do things with family. It usually ends up that my younger brothers just sleep here on the weekends any more. So I know how it feels to be left like that. That's why we have other mommy friends to talk to and relate with.
    watersgirls

    Answer by watersgirls at 10:38 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • Not very. They never see my husband's grandmother(she raised him and is still young, his mom is dead) and I wouldn't EVER trust that child abuser with my kids anyway. She doesn't call, buy gifts, remember birthdays, come to events etc. My mom is always there for them financially and to buy them things. She never baby sits. She never takes them anywhere. She won't even watch one of them so I can go grocery shopping. If I ask her to come to an event and she was able she would though.

    That said, these women have done their time raising kids. I'd never ask for what they haven't offered to do. Since they are my kids, I feel it's my job. If they never called at all, that would be fine too.
    Pauline3283

    Answer by Pauline3283 at 10:41 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • My parents have always been great. After we had our son, our first, they would pay us to let them baby sit. ha ha. They would give us money and say, "go do something. We'll keep Matthew". Now, it is different that we have two, but they still do so much for them. They are keeping the kids tonight. They have been keeping them at least twice a month since my daughter grew out of her crying phase. If they go a week without seeing the kids, they call me throwing a fit. My dad jokingly threatened to take me to court for visitation rights. They are awesome. My husbands parents, on the other hand....grrr. His mom can barely clean herself or use the restroom. Their house smells so much like cat and dog pee, we don't even visit them anymore and they refuse to come over here. So, the kids don't ever get to see them.
    LilMae.N.MDJr

    Answer by LilMae.N.MDJr at 10:45 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • I can understand your parents giving a time limit... I want to know by what time you're going to be back to get them, what time they're coming because I might have plans too (even if it's there at home). I don't like surprises. I want to have their kid ready when they get there, I want to know whether I need to feed it, don't want it to fall asleep and be woken up... I want my visitation schedule to be consdiered, respected and not be expected.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:13 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • FIL/SMIL see our boys 2-3 times per month on average- they live about an hr/hr and a half away. If their not to busy in their office(s) during the wk - they'll ask if I can stop in w/the boys for awhile. My Mom, Dad and S-Mom all live in MA (we're in FL) so they come down when they can - 1-2 times per yr. We all have a webcam so they see the boys a few times per wk or when ever we all have time to sit down and "chat". I call/email pics on a reg. basis - as do they. I wished we/they lived closer - so they could see the kids (in person) more often. MIL lives in the next town over and has no contact w/the kids do to serveral "issues" she brought on herself.
    Fooph121780

    Answer by Fooph121780 at 11:21 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

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