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Why do moms and daughters argue?

Obviously, this is a general question and does not always apply, but from an objective perspective why do you think women argue more than their male counterparts?

Why does this question come up? On my SO's side of the family his sister(age 24) and his mom(age 50) argue like they are still in the teen years of her raising. Also, the grandmother(age 76) and the mom(age 50) argue like they are still in the teen years!! Its very frustrating for any present company, but I do not get involved unless I can say something that raises awareness after they have come to me ready to vent.

I wonder if it will affect my relationship with my daughter to see this type of behavior on a regular basis. My mother and I have a very close & respectful relationship and I hope my daughter and I are the same.

Do you think it is appropriate to let these women know their visits will be limited to seperate visits and minimal group visits if this persists? Or should I just figure a way to just make that happen without saying anything?


Any thoughts or personal experiences you all have to share?

P.S. my daughter is 7 months old. 

 
Gingerwheel

Asked by Gingerwheel at 9:36 AM on Jul. 22, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 17 (4,310 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • My mom and I have a great relationship, and so do my daughters and myself. I think it stems from respect. My kids respect me and in turn I respect them (it goes the same for my mom). Repect is not common place anymore, and I think that's why we have so many problems.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:43 AM on Jul. 22, 2011

  • You didn't mention how old your daughter is...but maybe, privately, you could use them as an example of how NOT to treat each other. I think asking for separate visitation will be like tossing gas on an open flame.
    DMac08

    Answer by DMac08 at 9:50 AM on Jul. 22, 2011

  • Power struggle...
    TeenerBeener75

    Answer by TeenerBeener75 at 10:16 AM on Jul. 22, 2011

  • My grandma had an old saying that basically said there can never be two hens in the hen house. The meaning that as women we all want or prefer things differently. I remember my mom came to help me for a week after my 4th baby. I went to toss out some trash and my trashcan had been moved to a place she found "better". I was so angry I just didnt show it and moved it back when she left. I think moms and daughters have that sort of relationship from early on.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:18 AM on Jul. 22, 2011

  • Because we are WOMEN. Generally men have better things to do than argue, women don't lol
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:45 AM on Jul. 22, 2011

  • I think its because we are affraid of losing any control we might have. Like the Garbage can - really? Who really cares where it is as long as there is one right? Wrong - I would care, my DH could care less. I think its those little things that we have control over and even though they are small things and we shouldn't worry or agrue about them, we do anyway. I like how gemgem waited til her mom went home to move the garbage back - sometimes I get so frustrated that it just can't wait.
    Justme1352

    Answer by Justme1352 at 12:04 PM on Jul. 22, 2011

  • I think the relationship you have with your daughter is pretty much in your hands- i don't have a relationship with my mother- but, my daughter is my very Best Friend & i am so blessed to have such a close relationship with her- all mom & daughters are going to have a argument every now & then b/c we are just human- i think it is all in the way it is handled..

    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 11:43 PM on Jul. 22, 2011

  • It sounds like they might all have personality disorders of some type. You may want to google borderline personality disorder and see if it matches up with what you are seeing. My mom and I never fought after I was 18. We were respectful to one another. I do have a friend who does fight with her grown daughters but the situation is very dysfunctional and unhealthy and I suspect the daughters of being borderline or maybe bi polar.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 5:13 PM on Jul. 27, 2011

  • I have a lot to say about this, but I will try to limit it! As an adult I realized I didn't like my mom. Yes I loved her, but like her no. When my girls hit the teen years I also realized that I had to stop thinking like a daughter and start thinking like a mom. And that was not easy. My mom was very spoiled by her family and my dad. Even though she was fun and loving and took care of us,it was still always about her. I don't think like that, for me it is about my girls. I lost my mom in March and it feels very different than when I lost my dad 3 years ago. But he made us feel special just by being there. I don't really know why daughters fight with moms, we just do. I know that once I didn't feel the need to prove myself, I stopped fighting.Nothing changes so why bother. I don't like to fight with my girls, ages 14 and 18, but sometimes to get my point across it seems I am. Is it control, IDK, letting go is hard.
    wallmom1

    Answer by wallmom1 at 1:03 PM on Jul. 30, 2011