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What do you think?

I am 42 and have 5 kids, two of whom are teen girls and two of whom are boys ages 3 and 2. I feel so old and tired some days. My girls are a huge help to me when it comes to the boys...however, I sometimes feel they will grow up to resent me for having them..our house is chaotic to say the least. I let them have a life and go places and do things...they are not my nanny, but they do help a lot. I know we are all a family and chip in but do you think they will hate me in the end? They are 14 and 17 btw. Did you ever see the Super Nanny episode where the mom homeschooled her older girls to parent the younger boys...the one daughter colapsed from exauhstion...I cried the whole way through...I don't want my girls to feel used. Where is the happy medium. They are my boys and I am responsible...is it wrong to ask for help from time to time?

 
salexander

Asked by salexander at 2:56 PM on Dec. 19, 2008 in Relationships

Level 26 (28,366 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I don't think they will ever hate you.You are still giving them freedom to live their own life. As long as you don't force them to stay home and watch the kids so you can go out and say party, I see nothing wrong with this. I raise my SS who is now 14, my hubby and I plan on having babies of our own starting next year and I know he will help out a lot and will be happy too.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 3:12 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • It's not wrong to ask for help from time to time. It is wrong, IMO, to make your daughters be live-in nanny's. You decided to have more kids later in life, not them. But I think you already know that and just want some reassurance. You'll be fine!
    JustAMom2008

    Answer by JustAMom2008 at 3:03 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • I think if you are letting them have their social/fun time, and otherwise normal life, they will be fine.

    My parents used me as the back-up mom, pretty much. I all but raised my brothers and sister, and yes, at the time I really resented them for it. But I wasn't allowed much of a social life. Taking care of my family even interfered with school and my job! So I think I had a good reason to be a little resentful...
    Some good did come of it, though: I was almost completely prepared for having a child. There wasn't much that I didn't know already, so I didn't feel like one of those bewildered new mommies. For that, I was grateful.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:04 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • No!! Absolutely not wrong of you to ask your kids to help you out. In fact, you shouldnt even have to ask.
    aznblond9

    Answer by aznblond9 at 3:05 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • If the girls don't seem to mind just keep doing what you are doing. And no I don't believe they will resent you for it if anything they will appreciate you at the same time they are learning how to be a mom but pretending so to speak. But if you feel this way don't let them do too much like take adavantage only on the days you are feeling ill, not just being plain lazy. (no offense) I feel this way too. As far as the boys don't worry about them as long as you are close they don't mind. :)
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 3:09 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • I have a 13yr old daughter and I have a 2yr old & 8 mth old. I have seen those epidodes and I even told my sister about it. I make sure that I don't ask my oldest to do something that I should be doing. I do get her to entertain them if I need to do something but I don't treat her like a "second mother" I do believe that kids should do chores and help out with laundry, clean their rooms, etc. Believe me, I'm 40 and there are some days that I feel like a zombie. There's nothing wrong with them watching the boys while you run to the store or run an errand. We need to get out every once in a while by ourselves. I consider it a treat if I get to go to Wal Mart by myself. Just make sure you're not making them do too much. Hang in there...you're not going to scar them for life...if you ever need to vent....janiswebb39@yahoo.com
    Jan40

    Answer by Jan40 at 3:37 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • They may...but they are also getting valuable lessons on how to be responsible and mature. In large families it is a necessity to help out. All kids grow up resenting their parents for something. You are not perfect - nor were your parents. It is often the kids who are indulged and not given any responsibilities that grow up the most resentful.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 4:03 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • Ask them the same question and see what they say. They might really suprise you.. considering they are teens and haven't said anything about it, it probably doesn't bother them.if they are helping with the housework, thats a good thing, but, if they are actually taking care of the boys all the time, thats not good and not their responsibility. Just ask them.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 4:19 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • how old is the 5th child?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • He is 23 and out on his own. I had a set of three from my first marriage and then two from my current. The girls adore the boys and I don't work them like rented mules...but they do help a lot. Just now they are at the movies with my nephews as a breather from watching them on a snow day so I could go to work. They give them baths occasionally but not all the time. Mostly it is refilling sippy cups and sometimes in the warm weather they take them outside a bit. But I change the diapers and feed them etc. We all help and that is part of being a family...but man o man after that super nanny episode...God, I don't ever want to be that mother...she treated those girls like slaves...worse if you ask me..they did everything and got to do nothing.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 6:33 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

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