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My three year old is a BRAT!

maybe that's an understatement, she is spiteful, hateful, and just plain nasty to this little girl I watch (4 y/o). She's always saying this little girl is her bestfriend, but when she comes over in the morning dd treats her horribly, 'i don't like you' 'don't look at me' ' you can touch my stuff' and she says it in a nasty tone, this little girl is very whiny anyway and just stands to the side looking like she's been beaten when dd yells at her. with in a few minutes they are off playing and having a great time together, but if dd gets upset about something, no matter who or what upsets her she starts mouthing off again (and yes she gets talked to / punished for her behavior). i'm worried its jealousy and the only way i can see to fix that is to stop watching this other little girl, but her parents really can't afford to take her anywhere and don't know anyone else who will do it for nothing.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:31 PM on Dec. 19, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (15)
  • Honestly-I don't mean to offend you at all but your dd is a bully and it is up to you to stop it. Those parents leave their child with you under your protection. How would you feel if your child was being treated like that on a daily basis? What would you want to happen, or change? You need to punish your dd for the mean behavior. The next time she is "mean" you need to ask her to say sorry, if she refuses-she needs a punishment.Time out, loss of some priviledge-something that will make her stop. If she doesn't you owe it to the parents to let them know what is happening so they can decide where to place their child. Sorry you are going thru that-even more sorry for that little one you watch.I'd be whiny too if someone was torturing me.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 3:36 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • I know of a GREAT book that you might find some good ideas in... it's written by a Christian, so I don't know how you would feel about that..... if you are interested in learning the title and author's name please send me a message =)
    dedicatedrider

    Answer by dedicatedrider at 3:36 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • I dont know how to make her stop doing that but I will tell you that if it doesnt stop she will have problems when she starts going to school.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • one more thing(sorry)-you need to maybe treat dd how she is treating other child-then ask how she likes it? it's about empathy and it sounds like dd needs to understand what it is.KWIM?
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 3:38 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • (mom of the brat here!) not offended at all... she is a bully and that's what we are trying to fix. she's gotten time outs, she's gotten spankings, she's gotten toys taken away, she's gotten privileges revoked and still she's not curbing the behavior. the little girl i watch is actually a lot LESS whiny since being in my care so its not soley as a result of my dd's behavior.... and her parents know what goes on and respond with, kids will be kids.... i have three older kids in school and they are all really nice, helpful, giving, sharing kids! that's part of why i'm at such a loss with number 4!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:40 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • yes she has to be punished and made to apologize when she says mean things but also try positive reinforcement when they play nice... let he know that the other little girl is your friend and you want her to be nice to your friends... but also spend some one on one time with your dd before and after the little girl leaves so her territory isn't being "threatened" by the invasion of the friend... you are her mommy and she might feel like this other little girl is trying to take you away... i had a best friend in KG that my mom started watching and I got really jealous of sharing my mom and she had to stop watching her.... I can see where bearsjen is coming from in that maybe your dd needs to see what it feels like, but at this age I'm not sure if that's the best idea.... it might make it worse because you are protecting the other little girl and attacking her making her more upset and jealous kwim???
    abayhaymom

    Answer by abayhaymom at 3:49 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • Honestly I think your dd probably is jealous of sharing you with another child . When I was little my mom babysitted three little girls and I felt like she was nicer to them than to me and I resented them, so I probably did become more possesive of my toys and my mom would punish me and treat the little girls better which just made me angrier ( I was about  four) I really believed my mom liked them more than me, because I was a child and didn't no any better,  but I did play with them and enjoyed being around them.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:51 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • any ideas on ways to ease dd's jealousy..... my boys are 8, 9 and 10 and they love her to death, she's pretty much always been spoiled by them, and she's had me to herself during the day... my boys were in kg, 1st and 2nd when she was born, so during the day its always just the two of us until this school year.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:37 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • Now would be a good Idea to teach her how to deal with jealousy. When the other little girl goes home, talk to your DD about her behavior, and set some very clear boundaries, and concequences. Let her choose 5 toys that get put away when the other little girl is there, those are her toys that she does not have to share, but she has to keep them put up when the other kid is there. Then set up a time (that you both have agreed on) to have one on one time where she gets your undivided attention. Make sure that it is a time where you can let NOTHING not even a phone interrupt you.
    3gifts.from.god

    Answer by 3gifts.from.god at 5:48 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • try reading the Strong Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson
    HisServant4ever

    Answer by HisServant4ever at 9:49 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

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