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my MIL likes to lecture me on how to care for my daughter.!!! shes mad at me and thinks Im an idiot for not getting my DD a flu shot! MIL from HELL~!!!

I was not able to get my daughter her flu shot at her well child appt...And because I have been on the search for a new pediatrician thats closer to our new home, I have posponed it. Since we are headed over to my dreaded inlaws this x-mas. She decides to ask and make sure her grandchild has had a flu shot. If she didnt then Ide be sure to go and do it right away...She never respects me as a mother much less a human being and its constantly a power struggle with her. My DD has never been ill either have I or my DH> So I didnt feel like it was an emergency.. i was to worry about it when we got back from our trip. She lectured me about airborn illnesses on the planes and how I was awful for not taking care of my DD's needs. I felt like i needed to defend myself. I didnt though and quickly got off the phone.. Am I wrong for not getting this taken care of. How should I handle this situation?


Asked by Anonymous at 6:17 PM on Dec. 19, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • How should you handle this? With your heart! She is always going to want to tell you the "right" way to bring up your child, and you know your child better than she does, and you can smile and say thank you for the advice, I will concider it. Be kind to her. Be careful that you don't blow a good thing! MIL's are our best ally when we think that they may be out to get us. You don't have to obey, in fact, you would have less respect for yourself if you do. But occassionally, go along, sometimes they are right.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:41 PM on Dec. 20, 2008

  • first off just becuz you were to get her a flu shot doesnt mean she would get the flu anyway. The shot is only good for one strand of the flu there are many different types out there so rest assure your not a bad mother. It will be fine.

    Answer by Mommy2B04 at 6:20 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • Tell her all about the horrible things (like mercury) that go into the flu shot. Also, some people actually get sick from getting the shot. My mom and my grandma got the flu from hell after getting the shot a few years ago...yet they've never been sick other than that one year.

    My mom is a lot like your MIL. If I say I'm against something or other, my mom will give me fifty million reasons as to why I should be FOR that something or other. I actually wrote a journal about it yesterday. It's horrible. Just tell her how bad it makes you feel and that you don't appreciate being told how to raise your child.

    Answer by caitxrawks at 6:21 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • No i do not think you are wrong. My MIL wanted to be called mama and have the same authority I have with my family. I just had to very nicely remind her you are GRANDMA and I AM MOMMY there is a difference. After that we have mutual respect.

    Answer by Sis.Jackson at 6:22 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • I get looked at funny when I tell people I ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT give my kids the flu shot! So don't feel bad everyone has their opinion.

    Answer by watersgirls at 6:22 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • Tell her to back off cuz she's making u feel uncomfortable. Just say it in a nice way =) you're not a bad mama so take it easy on yourself. As far as the flu shot, that's ur decision. BUT I would find DD another pediatrician just in case sinc ur thinking about changing her's.

    Answer by YungMa at 6:40 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • Really tick her off...tell her you are going to stop vaxxing totally.

    Answer by ColleenF30 at 7:41 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • Your MIL sounds like mine. Except...unlike you, I speak up and I defend myself. I don't always do it politely either. SHE is not the mother of your child, YOU are the mother of your child. If your child was sickly and malnourished or wore filthy clothing and never bathed then perhaps your mother in law would then have something to complain about. Sounds to me she wants to feel a part of your child's life and frankly, YOU and your husband are responsible for the day to day needs of your daughter. Grandma is NOT. I wish you the best girl...but I think you are going to have to assert YOURSELF or she will continually try to take your place as the "mama figure".


    Answer by SterlingLegend at 8:53 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • Do we have the same MIL???? I got in a fight with my MIL over it because Im just that type of person that doesnt let other talk to me like Im lower than them. I believe in standing up for yourself!

    Answer by HollyRose at 9:29 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • Well I used to stand up for myself. But got into alot of trouble. It then turns into screaming matches and everyone yelling me. Even my husband trys to get me to calm down and leave the situation. Its gets and has gotten pretty ugly. We have had to go to hotels before... So now I I try to just accept her for who she is but my god! I could and really want to just rip her face off. Im so inadequette to her. It makes me nuts, and stressed out. So I really try to not let it bother me for my Daughters sake. Oh and my husbands. She wants to be mommy all the time, and it freaks me out!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Dec. 19, 2008