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Good parent or bad parent?

So I have a son with severe medical problems. After his dad and I split I had full custody of him. His dad lives 2000 miles away, but anyway, I got pregnant(def. not on purpose) and was sick nonstop and put on bed rest. I was not able to provide the medical he required. I couldnt afford all the copays and meds. I let me ex take custody. I do see my son as often as I can and talk a few times a day. But some people say I am horrid b/c I gave custody to my ex.
I think I was being responsible and that I love him enough to be able to know I couldnt do it anymore alone. Some say Im a bad mom, some say Im a good mom...What are your thoughts on it? What would you do in the same situation?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:29 PM on Dec. 19, 2008 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • There's only ONE opinion that truly matters...that of the woman you see in the mirror every day.

    But if it makes any difference...you did the right thing. Mom keeping a child is NOT *always* the best outcome for the child, whether an infant or older child.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 7:33 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • I would have asked for more help financially from his father, but if he wasn't able to help provide more financially then yes I would have done exactly what you did. You are not a bad mom. You made a decision for your child out of love and you should be proud of that. It was completely unselfish of you. Good Luck Momma, I know that you love your kids.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 7:32 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • you soundlike your a good mom you did what was best for ur son since you couldn't do it any more most moms wouldn't of giving up there child but you did it for the right reasons
    butterscotch297

    Answer by butterscotch297 at 7:32 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • I could never give up my child. It' doesn't matter what the circumstances are. Especially with them being 2000 miles away?! No way. I don't know what I would do, but I wouldn't give up the baby I had for another one. Where there's a will, there's a way.
    RyleeMendez

    Answer by RyleeMendez at 7:33 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • Hi :) you made the decision that you felt was right for your sons sake, you are not a bad mum :)
    it was brave of you to admit that you were having trouble coping on your own and you still make sure your son feels loved by you and not pushed aside it would have been a tough decision to make but your heart was in the right place you were wanting the best for your son and thats what all good mums want for there kids :)
    nobody has the right to judge you for your decision especially if they have not been in your situation, don't let anyone tell you your a bad mum that is not fair! if you had of been able to do things differently then i am sure you would have at least you talk to your son often and can see him whenever you can :) take care and merry christmas
    mummy79

    Answer by mummy79 at 7:46 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • Thanks ladies. :) Ill clear something up real fast, his father gave me as much as he could and was living with his parents in order to pay for everything he needed to. The meds are expensive, but moreso, I couldnt keep up with his physical medical needs and had he stayed he could have gotten real bad.
    As for giving up one child for another is not it at all. I love both my kids soooo much. Id do anything to have both with me, but it just wasnt an option at the time. Someday in the future I hope I will get to the point of being able to care for both of them w/o any help. I did not know what else to do. I would never just give my child to their dad just bc Im having another child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:26 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • as long as you are okay with your decision, and your son is being taken care of properly i see no problem
    jbirchard

    Answer by jbirchard at 8:36 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • You did what you felt was best for your son, if you were a bad mom you would kept him with you neglecting his medical needs.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 9:44 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • I am not in a position to judge a mother or any woman. I would never say that someone in your position is a bad mother. How could I? I don't walk in your shoes. And how hard it must be for you not to be with your child. I would say it is probably difficult for you and that you must have a lot of different conflicting emotions. To those that would stand in judgement, well there are ignorant people in every corner. Knowing you provided the best way you could is all that counts. You provided for your child by placing him with his father who could parent him the way he needed at that time. And that is not to say that at some other point in time that you will not be the main parent providing for him. Love and parenthood is so complicated. Life is not all black and white. I hope he does well and gets the medical attention he deserves. Lots of hugs.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:02 PM on Dec. 19, 2008

  • It's sounds like you did what you had to do to be sure your son would be cared for properly. I would say that's the definition of a good mom. As long as his father was taking care of him, not abusive or anything like that, absolutely the right thing. I can only imagine what it would be like to be in your situation and I'm sure it was so hard for you to come to that decision and go through with it. Hopefully someday he'll be able to come back to live with you! Good luck with everything!
    mom2XandZ

    Answer by mom2XandZ at 10:39 PM on Dec. 19, 2008