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how to live with a rude 12yr old stepdaughter

my husband and i have been married for 5yrs. two yrs ago my husband got custody of his daughter. her mother is a junky. it has been the worst two yrs of my life. his daughter did not want to live with us, the courts made her. she has talked so bad about me and my 22yr old daughter to any and everyone. she told people my daughter licks nasty wieners, and is having a black baby. which she did not. she has said horrible things about me also. my husband i argue all the time about her. im at the point where i stay in my room all the time so i dont have to deal with him or her. i dont know how long i can continue to live like this. when i speak with her father about it, im wrong and she is a angel. she can do know wrong. his family also treats her like shes a angel. but her attitude is so bad she doesnt even have any friends, because she portrays herself to be better than god him self. i dont know what to do.

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hopeless356

Asked by hopeless356 at 8:55 AM on Jul. 27, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Your husband HAS to back you up or you are totally screwed trying to handle this by yourself. My 13 year old had an attitude problem when I started dating my now husband. There is nothing wrong with the guy so I backed him up, yet at the same time letting my daughter know that I loved her. Now she loves him to death.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 8:57 AM on Jul. 27, 2011

  • have you gone for any family counseling? if the mother is a junkie, I'm surprised it wasn't suggested yet.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 8:57 AM on Jul. 27, 2011

  • It might be worth getting a video camera and tape her when she's being less than angelic. There is something about a freeze frame that speaks louder than words. I also agree with counseling.

    JSD24

    Answer by JSD24 at 9:05 AM on Jul. 27, 2011

  • the courts did make her go to counseling. it did know good. we have not tried family counseling, because im the one with the problem, my husband said. he believes she is an angel! im the adult and i should suck it up and deal with it.
    hopeless356

    Comment by hopeless356 (original poster) at 9:06 AM on Jul. 27, 2011

  • my daughter had a beautiful little girl 9mths ago, and her father is mixed, black and white. she went around and told people she didnt like black people and she hopes the baby comes out white. i wanted to kill her for being so racist. her father yelled at her and that was it. i believe she should of been put on reastriction for that. my husband and i have totally dif parenting skills. but thats small compared to other things she has done. she called children services about 6mths ago and told them her father was in are garage with a friend and she smelt something funny. she wants to go back and live with her mom. she will make up anything she can to do so. thats what she told my husband, but shes an Angel!!!! im worried what she will do next.
    hopeless356

    Comment by hopeless356 (original poster) at 9:24 AM on Jul. 27, 2011

  • Hi! I was once an obnoxiously rude 12 year old stepdaughter. My mom has nothing to do with me at that time, and i resented my stepmoms very existence in the universe. Especially seeing her and her daughter together, like they were acting all mother-daughter making them better than my mom. Silly, when I look back. One day my SM offered to take me out shopping and stuff with her and dad made me go. I tried to be as obnoxious as humanly possible. She ignored it and kept talking to me as if I wasn't acting like a brat. By the end of that day, I didn't totally hate her anymore, but I didnt like ger either. Dad made me go with her once a week. After a couple months, I realized she wasn't really the awful beast that my mind portrayed her as. And dad didnt really like her more. We ended up getting along. It took a lot of time, probably a whole year, and more patience on her part than I possess to this day, but in the end I liked her.
    AngelicaDem

    Answer by AngelicaDem at 9:00 AM on Jul. 28, 2011

  • It sounds like you need a physical seperation from both of them. You have to decide if you're willing to do that. While you are seperated, get counseling with your husband or by yourself so you know the best way to take it from there. Maybe he would listen better if he knows you're on your way out.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 2:03 PM on Aug. 2, 2011

  • If your DH won't back you up, it won't workout for you or him. My DH did not back me up when his other kids came around stirring up trouble, and now it's turned around and bit him in the butt because now that the kids are grown, they don't have anything to do with him. They think he don't care about them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:02 PM on Aug. 4, 2011

  • She would not get away with talking about my family like that. Oh hell no.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 PM on Aug. 4, 2011

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