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Is there a nice way to say this?

My 2 sisters and my dad are coming to visit for a few days through Christmas. One sis and dad are staying at a hotel. I told my other sis that she, her husband and her 3 kids could stay here since I know money is an issue. Well, our house is not big. I have my own two kids here. Plus dh and I. So that was going to be a tough fit. But now I find out she's bringing her husbands 2 kids too. We simply do not have the room. Seriously, it would have been full with the original 5!! Plus my dh is going to be working and having to get up early while their here, and her kids can be loud. I'm worried about them keeping him up at night. So is there a nice way to tell her now that I would prefer they find a hotel? She had said originally that they might be able to afford it.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:04 AM on Dec. 20, 2008 in Holidays

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • If she told you that the children weren't coming then your orignal offer became null and void once she added the additional guests. I understand that they are your family but times are tough financially for everyone. If you had to return some of your own childrens' things, which I'm sure wasn't somdething you planned on, then how could you afford a nights stay at the hotel or 2 air mattresses, which aren't that cheap? She should've considered asking you as well, before telling you about the 2 additional guests. If dh wasn't thrilled in the first place he prob isn't going to be thrilled with living in a zoo of kids. And you can't really blame him when it's an unexpected zoo. I would just explain to her that you don't have the space to accomodate everyone and that a hotel would be more suitable.

    Answer by micrespo at 1:47 PM on Dec. 20, 2008

  • Maybe just tell her that dh needs to work so they won't be able to stay at your place the WHOLE time. I always try to make everyone happy so I would probably tell her that she could stay at your place for two days and then get a hotel two days. That should help her out with money and make your dh and family a bit more tolerable of the situaltion. There really is no easy solution to this. Good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 AM on Dec. 20, 2008

  • That's a hard one. Your sister should have told you about the other 2 kids sooner. I agree with the first answer. Good Luck!

    Answer by sweetsmo at 12:18 AM on Dec. 20, 2008

  • The "other" kids are her family too and you should have been aware of that possibility and/or brought it up yourself. Not meaning to be harsh with you, but that's how it is. and it is unfair for you to treat them differently just because of the children being her husband's. If you change your mind now, it will probably cause deep hurts and I say squeeze in and suck it up. And be happy and enjoy all of them. Next time, don't offer. Good luck and hope you all have a Merry Christmas anyway!

    Answer by Arione at 12:30 AM on Dec. 20, 2008

  • OP - I DID ask her before if they were coming. Several times. She said NO. I make every effort not to treat them differently because I don't want them to feel different or bad in any way. I've spent money we didn't have to buy them gifts. I was planning on it anyway, just going to wait until after the holidays to help us out financially. Since we weren't going to be seeing them. I took back a few gifts that I had bought for my own kids to get things for them. I'm not heartless towards them and I don't treat them like "other" kids. Even though I've only seen them twice. In the 3 years they have been married. I guess I'm just stressed out now because dh already wasn't happy about having so many people here. We don't even have places for that many people to sit to eat when we have dinner!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:57 AM on Dec. 20, 2008

  • Me again - I forgot to add, she also told me she wasn't bring two of 'her' kids, they were supposed to be with their father. She just told me yesterday they were coming, then today about two more.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 AM on Dec. 20, 2008

  • I personally hate surprise guests. I would just be up front and explain that 7 people is too much and if they could try to get a hotel since they are now bringing two more guests. I mean she should be having the common courtesy to realize that 7 guests, 5 of them kids may be over doing it to stay at a relatives small home.

    I would just do it quick or there are not going to be any hotels left. I mean 7 people is a lot to even fit in a basic hotel room, so that right there should be the clue that you are right on your feeling it's going to be over crowded and crazy in a small home.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:09 AM on Dec. 20, 2008

  • I would go buy 2 extra air mattresses. Maybe her being able to afford it was before she was bringing his kids too. Now that you told her she could stay with you, his two get to go. So now if you tell her you don't want them there you may be disappointing more then just your sister. Not only that but she may have already spent the extra money on more presents. It's only 5 days until Christmas. Get the mattresses and have a great time. Your husband can deal with a little less sleep for a few days.

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 7:51 AM on Dec. 20, 2008

  • I would honestly just try to suck it up even if it stinks for a couple days. How long were they staying? I have had house guests I didn't want before too and its not a lot of fun, but they were family and I just managed it for the sake of helping them out where I could. That is a ton of people, but if you can offer the couch or some sleeping bags to the kids...that would probably help her out a lot financially over a hotel.

    Answer by kabbot01 at 9:04 AM on Dec. 20, 2008

  • Yes, you go purchase the first nights stay at the same hotel that the rest of your family is staying at, tell her you got a night free on travel stays or something like that. Then explain after she is there that its just to much strain on your family...for the entire family to be upon you..especially a zoo of children...OMG! Im not sure even hotel like that many kids...LOL! Sometimes the hotels have breakfast rooms that you can trun into a family get together as well...have your holiday there central to the rest of your family..It may save your home & family in the long run of things. Not to mention it leaves you a place to get away when you have had enough as well. Nothing like taking a POOP in your own pottie ALONE! LOL ya feel me! Good luck & Merry Christmas!

    Answer by lacyjones at 9:31 AM on Dec. 20, 2008