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Husband has custody of my 5 year old. How do I cope with that?

I had a nervous/mental break down after the death of my father in January. He had Alzheimers and I was his caregiver. He was 85. My husband of 17 years decided that he wanted a divorce and used my breakdown as an opportunity to get out of the marriage. I tried to commit suicide, twice. DCF became involved. Anyway I lost everything. My home, my job, my father, my son, my husband, basically my whole life is and has been turned upside down.

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helpimhurt

Asked by helpimhurt at 1:51 AM on Dec. 20, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • get help, ger yourself together, then file for custody, be prepared to fight
    good luck
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 1:57 AM on Dec. 20, 2008

  • So, your son is better off right now, though I can imagine it makes it harder on you. But, you have to think of his well being first. Get on with your life and then when you are able take the issue back to court. So many father's feel this pain when the mother is given custody. It is painful for everyone involved, but all you can do is move on. When it rains it pours. You have to forget about your ex and just think about what is best for your son. If you have lost everything then you probably are not in any good place to be able to provide for him right now. Hang in there and things will get better.
    PROGENITOR

    Answer by PROGENITOR at 2:10 AM on Dec. 20, 2008

  • This happened with my mother about 7 years ago, first off you need to realize you're son is better off with his father right now, you are in no place to raise a child. Second you need to get help, counseling, and get yourself together. It will take time and you need to realize that, it's not going to happen over night. Once you get your life in order and you get yourself together, take the issue back to court and be prepared to fight. But really, just remember your son is better off with your ex-husband right now. Things will get better...you just have to try your hardest for as long as it takes! Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:17 AM on Dec. 20, 2008

  • I have been in counseling for almost a year now. I see my psychiatrist once a month. I have gone through drug treatment for prescription drug Xanax. I have gone through grief counseling through Hospice. I have done everything I can to get back my marriage, my life. But he did not want to reconsile. He just changed when we had the baby. Its like I went to the hospital, gave birth to a beautiful baby (on my birthday), and I came home with this strange man that I have no idea who he is??? He just fell out of love with me....
    helpimhurt

    Answer by helpimhurt at 2:40 AM on Dec. 20, 2008

  • so he got you while u were at your lowest, nice man......... Get better, get counselling, get a job and get to court, go get him back...... I am so sorry for all that u have gone thru but u get the right legal representation , you should wing it....... I dont feel like your son is better off now though....He would be missing you like mad............Noone knows your sadness unless they have been in your shoes and what your ex did was horrendous....your son is not better off with a man who does this to the one he susposedly loved......... Fight for your son back.....you can do it.....
    helloistaken

    Answer by helloistaken at 4:57 AM on Dec. 20, 2008

  • wow, that's sad. I think you need to continue with your therapy, and get as much help as you can. Then when the people who are helping you see that you are better, maybe they can help you try to get your son back. Just because you went through a rough time , it doesn't mean you should never be allowed to get your son back. I hope everything works out for you. Hugs...
    summerdayz

    Answer by summerdayz at 6:28 AM on Dec. 20, 2008

  • Just pick up the pieces and start over. See your son and call him as much as possible, everyday or all day everyday. Get your life back on track and go back to court and get more time with him. Joint custody maybe? Just do not use this as an excuse for the rest of your life and hold your head up and go on. My mom passed in January and I really had and still have a hard time but I have 7 kids so I cannot let myself go there. I refuse. When I feel the "snap" coming on I automatically change my scenery!
    JLynn0871

    Answer by JLynn0871 at 7:13 AM on Dec. 20, 2008

  • I see it differently, not that you lost everything but that as you have been given an opportunity to start all over and see life as a new adventure. I'm sure your son is perfectly fine. Take this time to heal and go through the grieve process then find yourself again. You have been through so much and been a caregiver to others. Now give care to you. Get yourself whole and healed so you can be a great mother to your son. It's not about legal custody, it's about being a great mom for him. You can do this. You are not encumbered by responsibility now. Take this opportunity to see what life has to offer and what you have to offer life. Embrace each day as a new adventure. See what picture life has painted for you each day. Hear the sounds. See the colors. Smell the fragrances that you have missed out while under so much stress. Just enjoy life. Go back to school or take a dance or cooking class. do anything - just do
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:36 AM on Dec. 20, 2008

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