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My son and my bf dont get along.

My bf is to stern w/ my son. Hes always yelling and then we argue about it. My bf needs to just chill. How can i make them get along. Not to mention my son is always talking bout his father when he comes here.

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sweety678

Asked by sweety678 at 8:41 AM on Jul. 29, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 7 (203 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Do you guys go out and do quality things together? Maybe your boyfriend is trying to step in the role of step-dad too fast. He really should quit yelling at your child and back off. Go do something fun like go to the Zoo.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 8:43 AM on Jul. 29, 2011

  • There is nothing you can do about your son speaking of his father, he is apart of his life and kids at that age, esp. boys tend to cling to that fact. As far as the bf there is nothing wrong with being stern, but he shouldn't be yelling at your son, that is verbal abuse, whether he is cursing or not. That can make your son very unstable and he will become very withdrawn because he will think every time he does something wrong someone is going to yell at him. My dh has always dealt with my son and he has never whooped or yelled at him, but my son respects him just as much if not more than he respects me. Your bf might not be the type of guy you want around your son if he has a problem to the point he has to yell at a 3 y.o.
    thelovelymzbre

    Answer by thelovelymzbre at 8:46 AM on Jul. 29, 2011

  • You need to have a stern talk w/ your bf to let him know you prefer to handle your child in other ways than yelling. Then tell him to pay attention in a given situation, while you model the parenting style you do w/ your child. If he doesn't change his ways, then put your child 1st. It sounds like it's pretty fresh in your child's mind, if he's bringin up his dad a lot. He may not be comfortable seeing mom w/ another man. Little boys are esp. protective & attached to their moms at his age. My boys put my husb thru the wringer when we 1st started dating. It was when he passsed all the tests that I knew he was a keeper! :) GL!
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 8:50 AM on Jul. 29, 2011

  • Give the BF rules to follow when it comes to discipline. Give him a timeline to get it together, and if he can't meet it, ditch the BF. You can not choose a lover over your child.
    cueballsmom

    Answer by cueballsmom at 9:19 AM on Jul. 29, 2011

  • It's normal to talk about his father, especially at this age. I would have a major problem with someone yelling at my preschool aged child. Not something I would be allowing to happen. Your child is more important than a boyfriend.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 10:05 AM on Jul. 29, 2011

  • Sounds like a relationship crisis already. Of course your son is going to talk about his father...why wouldn't he? You need to have/tell your bf to BACK OFF. You cannot make them 'get along', they either will or they won't. BF yelling and being stern put it in the WON'T category. Good luck.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 11:35 AM on Jul. 29, 2011

  • You can't do anything about your son talking about his dad. How old is he?...at. Young Age he really doesn't know any better, and he shouldn't have to keep a lid on talking about his dad. I agree with others, it sounds like your bf is trying to take on the stepdad role too quick. You need to sit with ds and find out why he doesn't like the bf, and then sit down and talk to bf and how you want him to discipline or whatever it is you're wanting him to do. Try having them do some fun things together, and as a family, if nothing is working, then move you need to take your relationship with bf a little slower.
    mom_to_kenzie

    Answer by mom_to_kenzie at 12:58 PM on Jul. 29, 2011

  • Does your boyfriend WANT children? Because if he doesn't, this is only going to get worse. No one should be yelling at a preschool-aged child. Sounds as though your boyfriend got more than he can handle and doesn't particularly want to play step-daddy. There's nothing you can--or should--do about your son talking about his father. It sounds as though he spends quite a lot of time with his father, if not lives with him (you mentioned "when he comes over here"). It's natural he'd want to talk about him. And you can't make anyone get along with anyone else. If it comes down to the wire, the boyfriend's gotta go. Your son is counting you to protect him.
    GlowWorm889

    Answer by GlowWorm889 at 1:49 PM on Jul. 29, 2011

  • This is an easy solution. Dump the boyfriend. Is he really so important that your child has to suffer through that? Your child needs to feel safe, loved and respected by you, the mother. If you keep this immature guy around, you are choosing him over what your child needs.

    I am not saying don't have a boyfriend, but until you can pick a respectable, mature guy that understands that your childs life has been ripped apart, do not date.

    Don't act like the helpless victim caught between your boyfriend and your son.
    squish

    Answer by squish at 2:04 PM on Jul. 29, 2011

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