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My ex was supposed to have our son for 2 weeks this summer, but hasn't tried to arrange anything except the every other weekend visits. He just told our son he will miss their next weekend because he's taking an 11-day trip with his girlfriend. Should I say something to my ex about the 2 weeks? I don't want my son to be gone, but I know he is heartbroken that his dad didn't even ask to be with him. Any advice would be welcome.Thank you.

Additional information...we were married for 18 years; he left September 2007, the divorce was final March 31, 2008; he used to go fishing and camping with our son pretty frequently when we were married; he seems to be reverting to teenage behavior since the divorce...bought a pontoon boat in texas off of ebay, bought himself a convertible, told our son that he had signed up with Match.com and was only dating redheads, allowed our son to see his box of condoms in the glovebox of his truck and then said that his son shouldn't judge him because his mom was probably doing the same thing (I haven't dated...just want to take care of my son), he procrastinated on removing the final items from the property (but came in and cherry-picked what he wanted back in November 2007 when I was at work). What else do you need to know?

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learning2

Asked by learning2 at 3:09 AM on Jul. 14, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (16)
  • Well, he sounds very irresponsible. I would call him and be very up front with him by saying, "You know, our son really wants to spend some extra time with you. You are supposed to have a two week visit with him here in the near future. When do you want to schedule this in?" That way you arent pressuring him into taking your son, and he feels in control of the situation by telling you when he wants to schedule the visitation. I hope things work out for the best so that your son doesnt get his heart broken more than he already has.
    taracv

    Answer by taracv at 3:43 AM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • I would definitely speak to your husband about how everything he's doing is affecting your son...I would be heartbroken too if my father would choose to spend time with his girlfriend over me!! Because if that's how things are going to be he might as well sign his rights over to you. What good is having a father around if he's not going to show you love, respect, and be a good role model!? Not only that but his son should come before anyone or anything!! He should at least invite his son because it is THEIR weekend together, not his weekend with the girlfriend! He should plan things more carefully in a way that it won't affect the relationship he has with his son!! I hope everything works out!! You're such a great mom it seems!! I hope your son always appreciates you and he never 4gets that when he's in pain you are too!!
    JulieFrancesca

    Answer by JulieFrancesca at 3:45 AM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • He is probably too caught up in his new single life to realize how insensitive he is being. I'd say just remind him of the custody agreement, that summer is going to be over soon, and that your son is looking forward to spending 14 days in a row with him. He should get the point. If he doesn't, he's a bigger ass than you explained and your son will realize that on his own soon enough.
    drowninginboys

    Answer by drowninginboys at 9:11 AM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • Are you sure your son wants to spend two full weeks with him acting the way he is acting now? If your sure then let your ex know. Remind him how much your son enjoyed the fishing trips and camping trips and suggest that as an outing. If he is not going to fully focus on your son for the two weeks it might not be so enjoyable for your son. Your husband is going through whatever it is he is going through and it may be too much for your son if he doesn't hold back.
    cappyd

    Answer by cappyd at 9:20 AM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • Guess I'm the odd one out here. I wouldn't say a word to him myself. If your son brings it up have HIM call Dad to set it up. I'm taking it this is an older child..? If so he is taking it all in and will form his own opinions on Dads behavior. Never bad mouth the EX, you end up paying for it. BUT, if Dad sinks himself it is all on him. IMO.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 9:38 AM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • Many men have to be told what's what especially when they have just been let out of the corral to run free. Tell him what is expected of him and that he needs to tell you what two weeks he has chosen for your son. Take the bull by the horns and remind him that his son is being harmed in this and that a bull CAN be castrated if he doesn't behave.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:58 AM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • my father left us(4kids&awife)i ran him down the road screaming & crying for him to stop & he wouldn't!HE WOULD ONLY PAY 40.00 A WEEK FOR 4 KIDS & WE WOULD SEE THAT MAYBE ONCE A MONTH. when i did finally see him all i saw was his new g/f & pics of them roaming all over the u.s. if your son is over 15 LET HIM MAKE THE CALL!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 AM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • IMO if the dad hasnt made the effort, then he doesnt really want to take him for that amount of time. my son's father is suppose to take hime for 6 weeks in the summer. This was set up 8 years ago and he has never spent more then a week with him. I wont force him to take my son if he doesnt want to, because then your son will be on the losing end.
    Amy_M

    Answer by Amy_M at 10:33 AM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • I don't think you should talk to your ex, just make the best of your time with your child and let your ex tie his own noose. You can't change him and you have no control over his actions. As long as your sure he isn't harming your son in anyway you have no control over what he does or doesn't do when sons with him. He is being an idiot and he will someday regret it but in the meantime you just be the best mom you can and throw your hands up. DON'T EVER TALK BAD ABOUT HIS DAD THOUGH, sounds like your son is old enough to figure it out on his own and he will respect you for not having pointed it all out. Hang in there Momma!!
    mars33me

    Answer by mars33me at 11:38 AM on Jul. 14, 2008

  • If your son is upset about it, you can have him talk to his dad about it. He is old enough to see what is happening in his life. Explain that it is not your fault without blaming the dad. If you badmouth his dad, your son will be likely to think it is you that is causing problems, not the other way around. My stepson is 6 and he has already come to the conclusion that his mother is not giving him the care and attention he needs or deserves. He will get it in time, but don't force him there.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 11:45 AM on Jul. 14, 2008

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