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Still finding my DD's underwear in SS's room!!

Previously I had asked what everyone thought about the discovery of a large shoe box in my SS's(13 y/o) room that contained 21 pairs of my 9 y/o DD's (half sister) underwear and 15 pairs of mine, along with some of my other undergarments. Since then I have made 3 discoveries in his room of my daughter's underwear again. Tonight I found a pair of her underwear, training bra, and her bathing suit bottom hiding in a mini recliner chair in his room! I am at my wits end! I am trying to be a mom here, but I just don't think I should keep this responsibility on myself anymore, and the thought of this behavior escalating frightens me, as this boy is taller than me now! His father is in prison, and I'm not taking him back due to years of his mistreatment toward me. How do I approach this woman and make it clear that she needs to step up and take her son back and be a responsible mother?

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:59 PM on Dec. 20, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (18)
  • Well, I kind of think that you need to get him out of your house. You don't say what the dad is in prison for, but good for you for not taking an abuser back. Is there a grandparent that you can have advocate for you?
    This isn't normal teenage boy behavior. I would put it straight to his mother and if she doesn't bite talk to your local child services department. They will help you.
    Good luck and Merry Christmas

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • That is just creepy. I wouldn't allow him into your house and I think you should seek counseling for him before the problem gets worse and he gets in big,big trouble. That is not normal for anyone to do,especially at his age and with a young girls panties. OMG! This is scary~

    Answer by sweetest-sin7 at 12:26 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I agree, this is scary and not normal! How long have you had this boy? Since what age? If you are no longer with his father why should you be forced to be a parent to him?
    If his own mother won't take him or a grandparent, aunt, uncle etc.... you should consider foster care!
    If he rapes your daughter you'll never forgive yourself!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • My husband use to steal his cousin's clothes, specifically her undergarments. It was because he wanted to know what it felt like to wear them. He wanted to be pretty. He wanted to be a girl for awhile. It is probably due to his mother but oh well; I have just come to the conclusion that my MIL is a bitch. So maybe it is something like that. Don't jump automatically to him being a sexual pervert. There can be other causes for this. That is what you need to concern yourself with, the CAUSE. If you wanna talk to me more let me know and I will message you but for now I would prefer to stay anonymous.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:38 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • My brother is a cross dresser but her never stole any family members underwear to do it! Maybe people that weren't related to him...but anyway...I think this boy needs help.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:32 AM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I have been in my SS's life since he was a baby. I was the one who picked him up and dropped him off EVERY weekend. He's lived with me full time since 2007, when his mother and stepfather were arrested for crack and child endangerment. His younger brother even lived with us for six months. And that is a problem of mine... my name isn't even on the custody agreement. My husband and her have joint custody with my husband who has primary. I don't get child support from her. I guess one problem is that he will become worse and resentful if I "abandon" him. I have been the most reliable person in his life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • The other thing about my SS is that he is otherwise respectful, he isn't destructive in the household. He wasn't doing so well in school and I have been helping him get on track. When confronted he is usually compliant and wants to please. I guess it would be easier to send him off if he were just an all around "bad boy" but he isn't. Also.. what if, just what if... this CAUSE comes from something that happened when he lived with his mother and stepfather???

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:35 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • He's not your Responsibility, He's not your Child, How could yo endanger your Little Girl Like this, Who know's if he's allready Molested her............ Your the Mother who needs to step up, before Social Services takes your Daughter Away from you and they can and will, because you've allowed her to be in this Terrible Environment....... Your Nuts. and Brainless.

    Answer by Kay300 at 3:41 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • Get him in counseling and try to see what is causing the behavior before you send him away. You have already had him all of this time, try and see if you can help him. My SS is only 4 but, I am the one who got him in counseling. Don't just dump him off on a mother that doesn't seem to care especially since you said he isn't a "bad" child.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 4:07 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • matthewscandi

    Thank you... the post above yours made me cry. This entire family has been in a very difficult situation together(there is always more to a story than one short description)... but I am leaning more towards him leaving my household. He isn't my child and shouldn't be my responsibility any more. But it doesn't mean I am nuts or brainless.. of course I have had several conversations with my DD, to make sure she is okay and we discussed inappropriate behavior even if it comes from someone she doesn't want to tell on! I am looking for suggestions on how to confront his mother and force her to be responsible for this life she brought into this world!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:18 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

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